Okay, I might be a little clueless on this, but I'm getting the feeling that I'm being a little too stupid. Why I say this is that I've been with this guy for four years. We've had our ups and downs.. like everyone else. He constantly dumps me, tells me that he doesn't want to be with me, so when we part ways, he says he made a mistake and didn't mean what he said. So I must be too forgiving and take him back anyway. This goes on more than enough times, that I'm starting to feel like I'm being taken advantage of. He does not want me to be officially his girlfriend. So I'd figure after four years of dating I had to be something, but I'm still unsure as to what exactly I am to him. He does not want to introduce me to his friends. As for the whole net social network things he says he can't add me because we have too many ups and downs and wants no one to know about it. He expects me to give up my life, my great paying job, to move closer to him, so he doesn't have to loose his friends or family, and still be able to keep the life he is use to. Basically I want to know, who is the stupid fool, me or him?

I'm going to go for C - Both of you. The relationship is beyond flawed it appears, why continue this vicious circle of mind games?

If you like this pattern. Stick with it.

If not, get running in the other direction.

It will NEVER change.

Who's fault? Doesn't matter. Have some self-respect. He doesn't think you do.

Okay I think you are confused. He can't add you to his social netowrk because you have too many ups and downs, he doesn't want you to officially be his girlfriend, yet you are asking whether you should give up your life to move closer to him? Closer for what? To be pushed away and kept out of his life. You need to move on. However, to answer your question of who is the stupid fool, I would have to say you. He's apparently getting what he wants out of the situation and that is no compliment to you. You are writing about it and seeking advise. MOVE ON

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

I'm going to go for C - Both of you. The relationship is beyond flawed it appears, why continue this vicious circle of mind games?

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I agree 100%

I am going to say you because you allow this behavior. How can you be with someone for 4 years and not have met any of his friends. Then you want to move with him,for what. If someone comes over he is going make you hide? What expecting have your been doing for these four years, this sounds childish. How old are your? Leave him and take time to find out what you want and how you want to be treated. Then go find someone. The ride ends here so don't spend one more day with him. With these games your better off being alone.

I know it sounds like I'm a teenager, but this is really what's happening. I'm in my mid twenties with a great job that is offering to pay for my graduate education so I feel that he is asking too much from me. Thank you for the advice, I also agree with all of what you said.

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You've been with this man for 4 years and your still not considered his girlfriend? Please do yourself a favor and run not walk away.

Answer - YOU , for putting up with this outragous behavior , sorry to be harsh but he is just using you and is showing you no respect whatsoever.

Go meet someone who deserves you and treats you like you deserve to be treated.

Like Ash said "Walk Away ASAP"

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Basically I want to know, who is the stupid fool, me or him?

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The one who is staying, and putting up with this nonsense.

You have been doing this for 4 years??

Yes, I also have no idea why you are putting up with this relationship. Sounds like he is embarrassed about you, that's why he doesn't want anyone knowing about you. Also, sounds like you have very low self-esteem. You have to think about what is it about yourself that makes you stick through this horrible relationship for 4 years.

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Originally Posted by confuzzled11

Okay, I might be a little clueless on this, but I'm getting the feeling that I'm being a little too stupid. Why I say this is that I've been with this guy for four years. We've had our ups and downs..like everyone else. He constantly dumps me, tells me that he doesn't want to be with me, so when we part ways, he says he made a mistake and didn't mean what he said. So I must be too forgiving and take him back anyways. This goes on more than enough times, that I'm starting to feel like I'm being taken advantage of. He does not want me to be officially his girlfriend. So I'd figure after four years of dating I had to be something, but I'm still unsure as to what exactly I am to him. He does not want to introduce me to his friends. As for the whole net social network things he says he can't add me because we have too many ups and downs and wants no one to know about it. He expects me to give up my life, my great paying job, to move closer to him, so he doesn't have to loose his friends or family, and still be able to keep the life he is use to. Basically I want to know, who is the stupid fool, me or him?

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I can simplify with you on this one. I kond of have been though the same situation. My girlfriend wanted no one, and I mean no one to know about me, friends, family, Facebook, you name it! See wanted the best of both worlds, boyfriend and girlfriend as well as simlply friends. I feel as if Im stupid myself. I could be with someone who appreciates and accepts, and so could you. Not to say your boyfriend doesn't care, but for it to come to such an extreme as breaking up for him to realize what the is missing out on, there's something wrong there. I say you go and break up with him for once, go live your life and see what happens. If he truly cares, he will come around and try to get you back and if he doesn't, then you know for sure that you did the right thing.

Now I guess I need to take my own advice lol.

Hope it works out for you!!

At least romefalls gave you a C-.

... he let you pass.

I'm going to be ruthless and say... that if this were a course, I'd fail... both of you. And not a 56... or a 49... more like... a 12. That is, no matter how much extra credit both of you did, you'd still fail. Please... do yourself a favor, stand up for yourself. Find someone that actually appreciates you and doesn't start up drama like it's a daytime soap opera.

... is it even worth all that?

I have to agree with everyone. Run, don't walk, to your nearest exit. I have enemies that treat me better than this guy treats you.

Nothing left to say I guess

Get out of the vicious cycle, don't look back, don't fall for it. Get into a whole new cycle that excludes him. As long as you fall for it he will keep on doing it. His wanting to make you his best kept secret proves he has no real intents on being with you in any way other than you are some safety net when he has nothing else to fall back on