Hello, my name is chase, I am a freshman in high school. I am resurching teen depression for my english class, and one of the causes of teen depression is parent pressure. I am asking any parents that read this, to fill out these few questions. Please answer honistly and to the best of your knowledge. Thank you.

1) How old is your teenager? Male or female?


2) What are some of the things that you pressure your teen about and why?


3) How does your teen respond to your consernes about him/her?


4) Does your teen do, or attempt to do what you want him/her to do?


5) How do you respond to your teen when they don't do what you want them to do?


Thank you.
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By filling out this survey, you are allowing me to use your answers in my resurch paper, no personal info such as child's name, screen name, or your name will be used.

Frankly, I don't think the questions will accurately tell you much about "parent pressure causing teen depression", but I'm happy to help:

1.
Male, age 14
Female, age 15, and
Female 13 in August

2.
We don't "pressure" them. We do, though, have rules and enforce them. Mostly these rules are about behavior and what they're allowed to do and what they're not. It's about teaching them, from early childhood onwards, what is expected of them. Rewarding good behavior and attitudes and giving consequences for bad ones.

3.
Always well for the oldest, sometimes angrily for the other two (when it's about a rule). When it's about an issue they recognize they need help with, they respond well and thankfully.

4.
Generally, yes. They rarely "go behind our backs" to do something, but sometimes they will ask to do things they know we will probably not allow.

5.
Give them a consequence.

For what it's worth, I believe (generally speaking) that teen depression from parent pressure stems from the parents either
1. Not being consistent, or
2. Not being fair, or
3. Being too harsh, or
4. A combination of 1-3.

The key is consistency and fairness from early childhood on.

1) How old is your teenager? Male or female?
M18, F15

2) What are some of the things that you pressure your teen about and why?
What you may perceive as pressure I view as expectations, so I expect:

• Attendance and effort at school – While I don’t demand to see an X% average, I expect to see that they are doing their work and making a reasonable effort.
• Household Responsibilities – Both teens have responsibilities around the house. ie: scooping cat litter, taking out garbage. They have freedom to choose when they are done, but I expect them done within the specified time frame.
• Self-Management – I expect to see both teens manage themselves – meaning: Getting up on time in the morning, getting off to school or work on time, being home on time, setting aside time for school work, making their own lunch, doing their own laundry…
• Respectful Behavior – I expect both teens to behave respectfully – both to their parents and teachers, their friends, and to themselves.

3) How does your teen respond to your concerns about him/her?
I think both teens understand the reasoning behind my expectations. As teens though, they are still learning and sometimes need to ask questions or get clarification. Sometimes they also need exceptions made, and I listen and work with these as well.

4) Does your teen do, or attempt to do what you want him/her to do?
For the most part, yes. Sometimes I still have to make a fuss, and teens seem to want to test limits, but generally I am seeing them meet my expectations.

5) How do you respond to your teen when they don’t do what you want them to do?
Like Rick, I am also a strong believer in consequences.
The teens know that when they don’t live up to their end of the deal, there is a consequence. It might be loss of a night out, loss of time on the computer, or a requirement for extra work at home.

Nice, clear answers, philly.

mrfancypants, sorry to be so vague on my #2... but I don't like the word pressure... and try hard to not appear to "pressure" my kids at all.

1.

I had four boys all within 3 years of age of each other. They are now grown with kids of their own. But I can answer on how I used to raise them

2. "pressure" that is what society does, I had very specific rules of behavior and set known punishments for not following though with the rules. Also if I wanted them to do or not do something they were told,

3. I actually did not care what they thought or if they had any concerns over what they were told to do or not to do. I understood as they grew older they would thank me for raising them properly.

4. They really don't have a choice not to do what they are told to do.
They are children, children don't have choices to do or not to do.
They are allowed some freedom of choices as they grow older into latter teens on minor issues,

5. Swift and exact punishment. A day of chopping wood or driving fence posts often make one rethink bad choices

You know what. I'm not a parent, but I was/am a child that grew up with very bad parental pressure. I know parents like mine would never answer a survey like that because they would ADMIT they give too much pressure, and parents like these will NEVER admit this. So... I will answer these questions.

1) I am a 26 yo female


2) What are some of the things that you pressure your teen about and why?
My parents pressure me about being a Pharmacist since I was 10 years old. They believe all other jobs are inferior and stupid, even optometry and nursing. They think all people are stupid for not choosing Pharmacy. They grew up in a foreign country and believe kids don't know anything. My father still thinks I am incapable of making my own decisions, and I'm 26 years old! I just quit being a Pharmacy intern because I don't want to, and my father is still in denial!

3) How does your teen respond to your consernes about him/her?
I respond angrily. I feel they are taking credit for all my hard work! As if my success is because of THEM, not because of me. I don't see them studying everyday! My parents show off to others and my father even tells them, "she's just like me!" But... he hardly speaks to my brother and I. He doesn't know anything about me. I see my father once every 2nd Sunday for a few hours and then he sleeps the rest of the day. He's a workaholic. He never talks to me about himself or myself or seems interested in our hobbies, but again, my parents are foreigners to this country. What's sad is they think they're being more lenient and liberal than other parents!

4) Does your teen do, or attempt to do what you want him/her to do?
Yes. I went to the college AND Pharmacy school of my parents choice. This was effective because they told me I was not smart enough to go to other schools, that they couldn't afford to pay for my college, guilt tripping, and it's best to go to schools that are "easy" and "cheap" so I get good grades to go to Pharmacy school. But right after rotations, I quit my job and refuse to continue the requirements before taking the NAPLEX and CPJE exams. I've been depressed for 15 years until the day I quit my job. The depression grew more and more severe the longer I stayed in Pharm school that my parents found a doctor to medicate me because they became more concern about me finishing school than accepting the fact I'm depressed because I don't want to do Pharmacy. As you can see, once off meds, the depression came back with a kick! And even then, they are still in denial of it claiming to relatives they never knew I was depressed.

5) How do you respond to your teen when they don't do what you want them to do?
GUILT (saying they'll die or commit suicide, say they are disappointed, or say they'll move back to their country and leave us behind) note: I know they won't because there are no good jobs back at their country. They've lived in America for 30 years.
FEAR (saying I'll never survive in the real world if I don't get a "real" job)
ANGER they give me the silent treatment for weeks and the "I'm so disappointed in you" talk. And the frowning face.
DENIAL (they continue to talk about Pharmacy as if I'm still pursuing it, advising me (more like telling me what to do) to finish the requirements and take the exams) They even talk about what hospital I will be working at and how I can work for my parents even. Sad.

I hope that's enough information. I come from a Chinese family, but parents were born in Southeast Asia, so not mainland China or Taiwan. But they're still just as bad. I was the first born in my family in Southern California.

You know what. I'm not a parent, but I was/am a child that grew up with very bad parental pressure. I know parents like mine would never answer a survey like that because they would ADMIT they give too much pressure, and parents like these will NEVER admit this. So... I will answer these questions.

1) I am a 26 yo female


2) What are some of the things that you pressure your teen about and why?
My parents pressure me about being a Pharmacist since I was 10 years old. They believe all other jobs are inferior and stupid, even optometry and nursing. They think all people are stupid for not choosing Pharmacy. They grew up in a foreign country and believe kids don't know anything. My father still thinks I am incapable of making my own decisions, and I'm 26 years old! I just quit being a Pharmacy intern because I don't want to, and my father is still in denial!

3) How does your teen respond to your consernes about him/her?
I respond angrily. I feel they are taking credit for all my hard work! As if my success is because of THEM, not because of me. I don't see them studying everyday! My parents show off to others and my father even tells them, "she's just like me!" But... he hardly speaks to my brother and I. He doesn't know anything about me. I see my father once every 2nd Sunday for a few hours and then he sleeps the rest of the day. He's a workaholic. He never talks to me about himself or myself or seems interested in our hobbies, but again, my parents are foreigners to this country. What's sad is they think they're being more lenient and liberal than other parents!

4) Does your teen do, or attempt to do what you want him/her to do?
Yes. I went to the college AND Pharmacy school of my parents choice. This was effective because they told me I was not smart enough to go to other schools, that they couldn't afford to pay for my college, guilt tripping, and it's best to go to schools that are "easy" and "cheap" so I get good grades to go to Pharmacy school. But right after rotations, I quit my job and refuse to continue the requirements before taking the NAPLEX and CPJE exams. I've been depressed for 15 years until the day I quit my job. The depression grew more and more severe the longer I stayed in Pharm school that my parents found a doctor to medicate me because they became more concern about me finishing school than accepting the fact I'm depressed because I don't want to do Pharmacy. As you can see, once off meds, the depression came back with a kick! And even then, they are still in denial of it claiming to relatives they never knew I was depressed.

5) How do you respond to your teen when they don't do what you want them to do?
GUILT (saying they'll die or commit suicide, say they are disappointed, or say they'll move back to their country and leave us behind) note: I know they won't because there are no good jobs back at their country. They've lived in America for 30 years.
FEAR (saying I'll never survive in the real world if I don't get a "real" job)
ANGER they give me the silent treatment for weeks and the "I'm so disappointed in you" talk. And the frowning face.
DENIAL (they continue to talk about Pharmacy as if I'm still pursuing it, advising me (more like telling me what to do) to finish the requirements and take the exams) They even talk about what hospital I will be working at and how I can work for my parents even. Sad.

I hope that's enough information. I come from a Chinese family, but parents were born in Southeast Asia, so not mainland China or Taiwan. But they're still just as bad. I was the first born in my family in Southern California.

Oh and as a teenager, I often ignored my parents. Knowing I was doomed to a future where I won't have many choices, I failed my classes. My parents put me into a special program for Science classes, and I rebelled by not doing well. I never bothered trying. Since I got Cs in most classes, my parents thought I was not very smart, but still demanded I do Pharmacy by taking "easy" classes. As a result, because my parents were making so many of my choices for me, I eventually stopped caring about school, exams, traffic tickets, payments, etc. because well, I didn't have any responsibility over them. Even as I went through Pharm school, I never stressed got stressed about failing like other students. I never got stressed about getting accepted into college even because I knew my parents would get me into one whether I wanted to or not.

When someone else runs your own life, you simply don't care what you do in it.