Hey guys, I have a big problem. My girlfriend that I have been with for over a year recently broke up with me because of how I've been. She thinks that I'm too secretive on the computer, through text messaging, and my phone calls. I did portray that, and it was a bad thing. I am secretive with my conversations, I'm a very private guy and I don't like people snooping, but I made it look too suspicious. That's just one of the issues.

I was bad to her, I wasn't there for her when she needed me most, I didn't do a lot of the things I should have for her. She tried countless times to try and talk to me about our problems and fix them, but I brushed her off or didn't take it seriously. Then one day, she told me that she can't do this anymore and that its over. This happened one other time before, but we got back together. I begged and told her that I know how bad I have been and that I can change and fix things, but she said I said that the last time and that things would go back to the way they are now, and she can't be hurt by me anymore.

Allow me to clarify and make some things known. These are NOT excuses she made up because she has lost her love or attraction for me. She is NOT wanting to meet other guys or find a new relationship. I just treated her piss poorly, and now I'm paying for it. I have broke down so much lately, I really do love her, and I regret being how I was so much, but she won't accept it. She said if I change my ways and show her I can treat her decent, she said that she would want to be with me, she said because she loves me so much. The issue here is that she doesn't trust me, she thinks I am going to hurt her more.

She has family and friends about four or so hours away from me. She had a trip planned to see them, and it happened after we broke up. Now we talk, and she says she is staying there.

Friends, I'm worried. If I don't do something fast, or make some sort of last attempt I'm afraid I may lose her forever since there will be a huge distance between us. I need your help. I love this girl, we'd talked about marriage, kids, etc. Would it mean anything if I just up and drove down there and professed how much she meant to me? Maybe even pop the question. I can't lose the love of my life because of how retarded I was. I will never forgive myself if I ruined something that could have been amazing, just because I was being such an .

Why don't you start by telling her how you feel and maybe tell her what you wrote

Well you can profess your love all you want.. but it will mean nothing unless you actually changed.your already in a good place to start because you have realized your wrong doing and your willing to admitt it. Now all you have to do is act on it. Make some changes where they are needed and then go and see her. Tell her you've changed because you love her and want to be with her and that you can prove it to her.. but only if she lets you. If she gives you another chance be gratefull and don't lose sight of why you lost her in the first place. Try not to be so secretive and show her everyday how much you love and appreciate her. If all goes well... then propose!
Good Luck!=)

The only way you could possibly "win her back" is just actually change and prove it to her.
You think you found something good and your trying to push her away even though you don't want to. You got to change your ways or you are going to lose her, but if she going to stay you can't change what she wants, leave her space. This is all just a lesson to be learned in the end.

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Originally Posted by High Max

Hey guys, I have a big problem. My girlfriend that I have been with for over a year recently broke up with me because of how I've been. She thinks that im too secretive on the computer, through text messaging, and my phone calls. I did portray that, and it was a bad thing. I am secretive with my conversations, im a very private guy and I dont like people snooping, but I made it look too suspicious. Thats just one of the issues.

I was bad to her, I wasnt there for her when she needed me most, I didnt do a lot of the things I should have for her. She tried countless times to try and talk to me about our problems and fix them, but I brushed her off or didnt take it seriously. Then one day, she told me that she can't do this anymore and that its over. This happened one other time before, but we got back together. I begged and told her that I know how bad I have been and that I can change and fix things, but she said I said that the last time and that things would go back to the way they are now, and she can't be hurt by me anymore.

Allow me to clarify and make some things known. These are NOT excuses she made up because she has lost her love or attraction for me. She is NOT wanting to meet other guys or find a new relationship. I just treated her piss poorly, and now im paying for it. I have broke down so much lately, I really do love her, and I regret being how I was so much, but she wont accept it. She said if I change my ways and show her I can treat her decent, she said that she would want to be with me, she said because she loves me so much. The issue here is that she doesn't trust me, she thinks I am going to hurt her more.

She has family and friends about four or so hours away from me. She had a trip planned to see them, and it happened after we broke up. Now we talk, and she says she is staying there.

Friends, im worried. If I dont do something fast, or make some sort of last attempt im afraid I may lose her forever since there will be a huge distance between us. I need your help. I love this girl, we'd talked about marriage, kids, ect. Would it mean anything if I just up and drove down there and professed how much she meant to me? Maybe even pop the question. I can't lose the love of my life because of how retarded I was. I will never forgive myself if I ruined something that could have been amazing, just because I was being such an .

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I was in a relationship like this on the opposite end... My boyfriend lets call him Mr. X of 4 years never included me in anything he did with his buddies. I was always expected to go to his family functions and spend time with his child... He would go on trips without me... He "hid" me from his ex-wife even though she knew that we lived together it was a nightmare! We broke u for 2 years I got pregnant (by another guy) When my sons dad and I split up Mr.X and I go back together. It was great he treated me very well for the first three or four months than one day he was back to himself. We broke up again for about 6 months one day he called me out of the blue and told me he loved me and he couldn't live with out me... We tried it again things had changed this time. I had wanted to marry this "person" for YEARS it was my dream... He proposed... and for some reason I couldn't do it!! I realized that if the you have to make the person that you love change SO much that maybe you aren't meant to be. I am married now, Mr.X took it really hard at first, But now we are best friends and we both know that we love each other unconditionally but we don't like each other enough to have a relationship! Sometimes people are just not compatible and it is allot easier on the heart to realize that and move on.

Well, I know we are compatible, we always get along great.. but I just became some big , I don't know what overcame me, but I regret it so much now and want to show her I'm the same men she fell for.

Here's a bit of an update. We talked on the phone and she says that she needs time to heal and that we can't talk so much and keep telling each other that we love each other. She says that she loves me and will still say I love you too if I tell her I love her, but she says that we can't keep doing it. She says that I need to change the bad things about myself and work on myself if we want to be together. She said she isn't making any promises but she said if I can change in time she see's no reason why we can't be together.

Im worried by the time this happens, some other guy may come into the picture and we all know how these kind of emotions for others can creep up on us like nothing and change things almost immediately. Im not asking for a quick fix, but the fastest way to show her that I will change and be better to her. Should I go through this week and let her have space, and then drive out there to see her and show her I would drive anywhere for her? I think it may help, since part of the problem was that she thought I didn't care about her anymore.

She needs space, do not overwhelm her. Changes don't happen over night.. you both have to step back and you need to work on yourself for you! Not for her. Over time if she cares to notice the change in you - that's when you work things out. Sorry buddy these things take time.

Boy I really messed up. My problem is that I get lazy, and I have a BIG issue with only really appreciating something when its gone. Any idea for the future on how I can better appreciate my girlfriend?

Im guessing don't get so lazy in the future? That might help. Thanks to my own idleness I've learnt that respect is key!

Geee whiz, You spend a whole relationship screwing up, and when she dumps you now you want some advice how to make it better! Unbelievable.

How about straightening up your act, and leaving her alone until you do. She gave you a few chances already, so take heed, and work on you, and don't wait until she leaves, before you appreciate someone, and treat them right.

Work on you, and leave her alone, and if you try to half azz this, just to get her back , she will hate your guts forever, and rightfully so.

First you need really change yourself, and treat her well in the future, how about write her an email every day, telling her how much you care about her, if there is no third party, maybe her heart will melt . Good luck.

I can't put it any better than Tal, so listen to his post and the post above mine

I feel like such an a-hole. A lot of the questions and problems here with other guys were under circumstances out of their control. But not me, I drove away the love of my life and threw it all away. For those of you reading this, appreciate you gf/wife. Don't end up like me, regretting everyday that I could have mended our relationship but did not.

I'm sorry guys, I am a real jerk, I probably don't deserve anyone's help but I just pray for one more chance with her, and never act this way again.

Oh, and if she is 4 hours away how can I show her my changes? Just curious.

Hey guys, here is my situation. My girlfriend of over a year broke up with me about 3 weeks ago, and we have barely had contact. I was a jerk to her, I didn't appreciate her, I didn't help her in a time of need and I broke promises of spending time with her consistently. This all happened over the period of about a month until she couldn't take anymore, and left. I begged her to stay, said I would change. She said that she isn't sure, because something similar happened before.

Im being 100% real right now. I want to spend my life with this girl, but she has moved four hours away. She has been applying for colleges and may get a room with her girlfriends. The situation is desperate, if I don't act soon she may be locked into legal agreements and fees, etc. Then I don't know what will happen. She said she needed space, and I have given it to her for the most part. I said I wouldn't talk to her about us anymore until she was ready, and that was about two weeks ago.

A few weeks prior to us being split apart, my sister and her were talking. She said that she would marry me if I were to ask her, my sister told me that after we broke up. We have talked, I know she loves me and would be with me if I changed for real, and I have been working so hard to be more honest and more sensitive over this period of a month. Im not sure if its been enough time for her to heal, but I don't know if I can risk waiting anymore.

My question really is this: I want to drive out there and surprise her, and get on my knee and ask her to marry me. Tell her that she is so special, and that things are going to change. Can it work? Do I take a gamble either way?

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Originally Posted by High Max

Hey guys, here is my situation. My girlfriend of over a year broke up with me about 3 weeks ago, and we have barely had contact. I was a jerk to her, I didnt appreciate her, I didnt help her in a time of need and I broke promises of spending time with her consistantly. This all happened over the period of about a month until she couldnt take anymore, and left. I begged her to stay, said I would change. She said that she isnt sure, because something similar happened before.

Im being 100% real right now. I want to spend my life with this girl, but she has moved four hours away. She has been applying for colleges and may get a room with her girlfriends. The situation is desperate, if I dont act soon she may be locked into legal agreements and fees, ect. Then I dont know what will happen. She said she needed space, and I have given it to her for the most part. I said I wouldn't talk to her about us anymore until she was ready, and that was about two weeks ago.

A few weeks prior to us being split apart, my sister and her were talking. She said that she would marry me if I were to ask her, my sister told me that after we broke up. We have talked, I know she loves me and would be with me if I changed for real, and I have been working so hard to be more honest and more sensitive over this period of a month. Im not sure if its been enough time for her to heal, but I dont know if I can risk waiting anymore.

My question really is this: I want to drive out there and surprise her, and get on my knee and ask her to marry me. Tell her that she is so special, and that things are going to change. Can it work? Do I take a gamble either way?

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You've pretty much asked this before and it's been answered before.

The overwhelming majority said to just leave her alone - you admit you screwed up, you said you would change, you didn't, why should she believe you now?

I say leave her alone - which is what she asked you to do - and give her some time.

I think the "down on one knee proposal" idea is indeed a very bad idea - she has asked you to leave her alone and you are not willing to do so. This will certainly let her know that you still don't respect her wishes.

In a normal situation I would just go away, but I've been thinking about this a lot lately, I have tried to date and see other girls, but it only makes me feel WORSE. I can't stop thinking of her when I'm with other girls. If she was still a mile away from my house, sure, I'd give her plenty of space and wait. But she could be locked into something now for a few years and end up paying a lot of money, unless she gets out of it within the next week or two.. I just don't want these circumstances to hurt our chances of getting back together, because I can't afford to move out there.

Does she have any idea how you feel now? Maybe you could just tell her that when she's ready to talk to you there's a lot that you need to say. That way she knows that you need to talk to her but you're willing to wait until she's ready.

No, we haven't really had any kind of a talk about this in a few weeks, no contact at all really. Would I look like a wuss if I broke the no contact rule and say tell her that?

This really feels like something out of a movie. Guy messes up bad, girl is leaving forever, he has limited time and has to do SOMETHING to convince her not to go. Lol. Im willing to do ANYTHING that has even the slightest possibility of working, because I'm a man who clings to hope. Hope is the only thing that has kept me going so far.