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-   -   But I thought he/she was different. (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=244462)

  • Aug 2, 2008, 06:10 AM
    HopeDiesLast
    But I thought he/she was different.
    Its funny a lot of the common ground everyone shares during a break up (re: Break up Survival Guide). Its amazing sometimes how long it takes you to sink that your ex is no different than anyone else's.
    We'd all like to hope that they will change their minds, "not him! NOT HIM!", that MY boyfriend or girlfriend wouldn't do this to me, that it's a phase.
    The hardest part is coming to terms with the fact that they DID break up with you. Which way do you think of it?
    Why do we all feel that the ex "did this to me"? Did they do this to us? Or were they looking out for themselves and their own happiness?
    Is it more positive for your own healing to think "he/she did this crappy thing to me" or to think "he/she was looking out for their own happiness?"

    Just thinking out loud and I'd like to hear opinions!
  • Aug 2, 2008, 07:43 AM
    talaniman
    I think its mostly shock, and inexperience, as the more I got dumped, the faster I moved on. Its also being realistic, and realizing, all relationship don't work because the people are not compatible.

    As you get older, and more experienced, you won't go headlong into things because of those intense feelings you have for another human. You'll go slower, and be better able to define those feelings, urges, and attractions, and act more appropriately.

    You will learn to cope, and handle that feeling of loss much more maturely, and practically.
  • Aug 2, 2008, 08:01 AM
    HopeDiesLast
    Yeah Tal, you're correct. The more experience I have in this, the more I am careful about who I let in next...

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