Ask Me Help Desk - Guy in love with a lesbian

I feel like a horrible person, here's my story

I've been really close friends with this girl for about two and a half to three years now. She is a lesbian, and I am strait(She's 17. I'm 19.). We get along so well, and have so much in common. Over the years I've known her, we have become best friends. We see each other almost every single day out of the week. We always go places together, watch movies, and talk for hours on end. I really can't get enough of her. And for a while I was cool with just having her as my best friend, but now my feelings have just taken over. I've fallen in love with her.

She always comes to me with problems or good news about girls that she dates, and I always try to be a good friend and give her advice. But in the back of my head I just keep wishing it was me she wanted to date. I've been single for a while and there's no other girls I'm remotely attracted to at the moment. Also, with the exception of anything physical, I basically do treat her like I would a girlfriend. I'm nice, I help her with anything, give her support, laugh and have fun with her. But as much fun as it is to be around her I have to realize that I can never have her that way.

I feel horrible for a number of reasons. The major one is that I feel like I'm being disrespectful to her sexuality. She likes girls, not guys. But I'm always thinking and wishing she would like me like that. That's wrong. And she is my best friend, so if I try to tell her how I feel I'm worried it will ruin our friendship, and I can't have that because I don't know what I would do without her. I couldn't imagine a day without so much as talking to her.

I basically just feel like a bad friend, and a disrespectful person but I can't help it. I love her so much.
So I guess the advice I'm asking for is, should I tell her how I really feel? Is there something wrong with me? Am I a bad person? And, has anyone ever been in a similar situation?

You're not a bad person and there is nothing wrong with you at all... you're human. I've had friends in the same place you are. There's never anything wrong with honesty. You said it yourself, she's your best friend and you're obviously hers. It's always hard to say how others will react, but if you're up to it, just be honest with her.

I agree with the answer above! If you are as good of friends with her as you say that you are, then I'm sure that she would understand your feelings. Frankly, maybe she has been waiting for you to ask! Just a thought for you...

I have been in love with a number of people whom I knew that I could never have as a partner, and yet, with most of them, we have still maintained a great friendship. Although, it never goes beyond that. It' okay, I and they can handle it...

Rather than remaining frustrated and not knowing how she really thinks concerning your relationship with her, I would suggest asking and discussing things with her.

You never know until you try...

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has anyone ever been in a similar situation?

Don't feel horrible, as you are a normal human being and who better to feel strongly for than a close friend. Natural.

Be aware though that your own personal circumstances may have magnified your feelings, and has you wondering if something more is possible. That too is natural.

Personally, I think you should maintain the boundaries of friendship with this female, and not cross them, or muddle them with a hope of a relationship. Its not having the feelings, that can complicate things, its what you do about them that can change things.

Now if they persist over a time, more than days, or weeks, a conversation MAY be in order, but be aware, It could change that friendship, and make things really strange if she ain't feeling what you feel. This is not something you just do without much thought, and awareness, as chances are just as good, she doesn't feel as you do, as they are that she does. Its called taking a risk, so think well before you act.

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She likes girls, not guys.

That has to be accepted, and respected. Your chances have gone way, way down, in light of this fact. I would not make her an object of romantic interest.

Maybe you're just afraid that you have fallen in love with ms.perfect.

My best guy friend is gay, and for the longest, we acted like we were a couple always hugging and we even pretended to date in public, and on a few occasions, he's kissed me. I was confused, this guy was amazing.but gay.(nothing wrong with being gay) and I worried that I wouldn't find my mr.right because I already found him but the problem was that he was gay! but I eventually found a guy and dated for two years, and we just broke up, and I learned that my mr.right is still out there. You just have a great friendship, and maybe you've past some friend boundaries but its all platonic. You just have to accept that.
Hope I helped.