Hi,

After being on and off for past two years, where he has repeatedly broken up with me and came back within weeks, I called it off with my boyfriend. I love him a lot but I realized I was in love with the Ideal image of him. I had hopes that he would be better to me, take time out for me, and treat me like I was important. Sometimes I thought he would, but he never did. I was hurt and he wouldn't let me go. He would keep our relationship in a limbo, unwilling to commit to me yet unwilling to let me go. After canceling dates after dates and telling me he doesn't have two minutes in a day to talk to me, I let him go yesterday telling him I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore. He refused to accept it and turned it around and accused me of being dishonest with him (which made no sense because we weren't even talking about that issue which he brought up for the first time out of the blue). He wanted me to feel guilty and place blame on me.

I thought I would regret my decision the next morning, but surprisingly I don't. The only thing is, I know he will try to make it work again like he has before. Considering right now that he is my weakness, I'm scared that I will let him come back into my life. He'll say all the right things but then he will take me for granted again. He will go back to not communicating with me and not putting in any effort. This is the first time I broke up with him. I feel like I did the right thing for myself. All these years, I have been selfless and put up with the hurt he has caused me over and over again. But for once I did this for myself.

What can I do now to strengthen myself? I know I deserve to be treated better. I don't think he will change. I don't want to be hurt by him again.

Any Advice would be appreciated.

NO CONTACT! You have finally rid yourself of this cancer, don't bring it back. Don't pick up if he calls, block him from everything. Read the stickies on this forum and you will get through this

Avoid him because he will twist things to make it your fault which means he just doesn't get it therefore meaning he will never change a single thing about himself. It is good you realize about being in love with the idea of being in love and the fact that many girls (some guys) romanticize the other after they are not together and forget the problems that caused the break up in the first place. So then they keep repeating the cycle until one day they wake up and realize they wasted many months or years on a dead end relationship. Realize that even though you most likely will always have a special place in your heart for him he was a toxic relationship and it will never work.

Thank you very much. You guys are right. I'm trying to keep in mind all the hurtful things he said to me in our last conversation so that I can be happy with my decision.

Yeah no contact is what you need to do. It is good that you know that it is the ideal image of him that you love and not him. There are a lot of people who will want to take you out and make you feel special and treat you the way you want to be treated. If in 2 years he hasn't change I don't think 1 more year will do anything different. Stay strong and keep your distance... he will realize what he has lost and if not you know he was never sincere to begin with.

Thank you Ithappenstoall.

Today I felt like maybe I made a mistake- but its surprisingly easy for me to convince myself now that he's not right for me. I felt horrible after the way he talked to me.

I hope he does feel guilty and I hope he realizes who he has lost. I was so good to him.

Wow your story hits so close to home its not even funny. I believe that he will realize what he has lost and at that point it may be too late. Be strong and stick to no contact.

I missed him today. I even had a thought of telling him that I miss him.

Its so hard.

Your story is quite similar as my friend"s, her hubby hurted her, apologized,promised to change, treat her well, then after a while, the whole thing repeated itself,now they gave them time to live apart, she is thinking about divorce.
So, he will never change, you will always be hurt. Leave him, there are plenty fish in the sea.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by confused2345

I missed him today. I even had a thought of telling him that i miss him.

Its so hard.

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It is hard , but you just need to stay strong and you'll be fine.

Do you really want to start this vicious cycle again?

Have you read the stickies for this forum yet?? I have a link in my signature.

So he texts me Saturday and I decide not to respond back because it was a totally random question.

However, I responded back today. I know that was probably a huge mistake but it wasn't anything big. Its just not in me to not respond back to someone. I can't be rude like he can.

Ugh I need to still work on strengthening myself!

I wonder how are you doing after all this time did you ever go back to him? Its 2012 and its like I wrote what you did in2008 my story is the same . I love my boyfriend but realized like you did that things would never change on how he treats me . So I broke it off.