My husband and I have been separated for 5 months now and we have a little girl that is 4 she takes seizures badly and is separated for 6 hours at a time and his family says that they wish she would die and has caused us trouble for 5 years since we got married and he says I shouldn't hate them because that is his family. I told him that I didn't want them around me or the baby and he said that I need to to. Things has gotten so bad between us that I wish I could die. He has pushed me, hit me, and he even kicked me in the stomach when I was 5 months separated. I just don't know what to do or where to turn to.

Amanda, no one deserves to be hit and kicked! Do you have family close around you that are supportive to you and your daughter? You say you are separated from your husband~~~do you live in the same town as he and his family? Are you planning on divorce? I am not sure where you live but there should be an organization that can help you get on your feet and to help with getting help for your daughter. Is she on anti seizure medications? If not, seek help for that also. That could make such a difference in her life and yours. I guess what I am saying is I don't have enough information from your post to share a lot.

Perhaps you can give us a bit more of the details.

That little girl's life is precious and so is yours. You and she deserve to be loved and accepted. Bless your heart. I am sure you just feel so distraught. I am so glad you posted here. There will be others that will post here than can give you "Expert" advice. I just saw your question and wanted you to know it is being read and there is always hope for a better tomorrow. Don't give up! You are your little girls world! Keep posting and keep us updated. Best to you!

[QUOTE=jrebel7]Amanda, no one deserves to be hit and kicked! Do you have family close around you that are supportive to you and your daughter? You say you are separated from your husband~~~do you live in the same town as he and his family? Are you planning on divorce? I am not sure where you live but there should be an organization that can help you get on your feet and to help with getting help for your daughter. Is she on anti seizure medications? If not, seek help for that also. That could make such a difference in her life and yours. I guess what I am saying is I don't have enough information from your post to share a lot.

Perhaps you can give us a bit more of the details.

That little girl's life is precious and so is yours. You and she deserve to be loved and accepted. Bless your heart. I am sure you just feel so distraught. I am so glad you posted here. There will be others that will post here than can give you "Expert" advice. I just saw your question and wanted you to know it is being read and there is always hope for a better tomorrow. Don't give up! You are your little girls world! Keep posting and keep us updated. Best to you![/QUOTE.

I do live near my family right beside of them, they are very supportive but I don't want to be a burden on them. I also live near his family about 15 minutes away. They have caused nothing but trouble. His sister in law even rear ended me and said that she would make sure the baby died but she is in good at the local court house and nothing was done she even admitted to doing it on purpose in court nothing was done.

My daughter is on seizure medication 3 times a day. I have fought cancer, had a complete hysterectomy from it, back surgery, gall bladder surgery, and I also have heart trouble and high blood pressure. There are times most of the time that my blood pressure is 156/130 all the time nearly. Even taking my medication. I just feel that if I turn my rights over to my mom and dad that they could give her a better life. That is why I feel that it would be best to end my life.

We go for our divorce Sept. 5th.

I do live near my family right beside of them, they are very supportive but I don't want to be a burden on them. I also live near his family about 15 minutes away. They have caused nothing but trouble. His sister in law even rear ended me and said that she would make sure the baby died but she is in good at the local court house and nothing was done she even admitted to doing it on purpose in court nothing was done.

My daughter is on seizure medication 3 times a day. I have fought cancer, had a complete hysterectomy from it, back surgery, gall bladder surgery, and I also have heart trouble and high blood pressure. There are times most of the time that my blood pressure is 156/130 all the time nearly. Even taking my medication. I just feel that if I turn my rights over to my mom and dad that they could give her a better life. That is why I feel that it would be best to end my life.

We go for our divorce Sept. 5th.[/QUOTE]

Little One, thank you so much for writing more details. You certainly have had your share and more of challenges. Believe me when I say, I do not doubt a thing you say about court. We had death threats on our children, our house set on fire, daughter's car burned, etc. and much more and when we asked to see the evidence in the evidence room, it was missing. When asking the Chief of Police, he stated hatefully, "We lost your evidence. So sue us!" The stalker's brother was in politics and his brother-in-law was on the force. Life isn't fair at times.

We do have choices however! You may feel you are hitting brick walls and that it would be best to end your life. I don't know what you believe in your faith but I have placed my trust in God, through His son Jesus Christ. When life gets hard, I have gotten angry and wondered why things have been allowed to happen. But because of my hardships, I have been able to be an encourager to others because I have lived through what some of them are having to deal with. God promises He will never leave us nor forsake us but He never says in His word that bad things won't happen to good people.

I have lost a lot of people in my life in the past three years. I ask that you get on some antidepressants if possible through your doctor. Tell him/her/what you have shared here. That could make a world of difference to your life and it could mean a whole other outcome in the life of your daughter. Think about this, it doesn't matter what our parents do, how they treat us, how ill they are, how sad they are, do we ever really want to lose them? Your little girl needs her Mama more than you even realize at the present time because of your sadness and illnesses.

Your parents are giving her a good life by being in her life. She doesn't need to live with them and be without you for that to be so. If, you feel, you need a bit of a break from the stresses of her situation, ask your parents if they could keep her a couple of weeks to let you have some down time to sort of regroup so to speak. I have four of the issues you speak of medically plus I have a seizure disorder. I also was sick in 1985 and in bed for the better part of that year. I began by praying God would heal me so I could raise my children, then by toward the end of that year, my prayer changed to asking Him to just take me on so the kids and husband could get on with their lives. I am so glad God did not choose to answer that last prayer. I got better, ended up becoming Vice-President of a Beauty Supply company and seeing my children graduate from high school, college, have children of their own. You must focus on the future and not on your end. Things may settle down more for you after the divorce degree after Sept. 5th.

By sharing my health issues and other of life's situations, please do not think I am comparing mine to yours. I share only to let you see that we all have things in our lives that sometimes seem unbearable but if we just persevere great things can happen. I have lived a lot more years than you so therefore have gone through some challenges as we all do. That does not diminish the intensity of what you are going through now in any way. As I say, I just share so you will know I am not some "Pollyanna" or "Miss Merry Sunshine" who cannot understand your emotional feelings about life's challenges.

Don't give up this fight! Reaching out with this post was such a positive move on your part. Keep posting. Keep reaching out for help through parents, doctors, prayer, sheer determination but keep in your mind how much that little girl needs her mother. As she gets a little older and has questions about life, she will want her mama to be there to answer those questions and give her guidance. She needs you now but will so much more later. So many on this site have lost parents early in life. They can all tell you how desperately they miss their parents, mom's, dad's. Please don't give up. Keep posting until you find some answers and are feeling strong again and then keep posting as friends! This is a great place to be, on this site! So many warm and wonderful people!

Amanda,

Your daughter is precious, and her life is precious, so is yours. You are her mother, you nurture her, care for her, make sure she gets her medication and protect her, she needs you.

Life is hard, and many times we are given so much to handle, it can be overwhelming at times, and we wish we could just end it, but we can't. You think that your daughter would be better off with your parents, better off without you, but that isn't true. If you take your life it will affect your daughter for the rest of her life, and I know you don't want that.

You have family support, use it, you aren't a burden, they are your family, and they love you. Try to get some sort of counselling, outside support, and possible some anti-deppresant medication to help you through this rough time.

In the meantime, we're here to listen, so come here and talk to us. There are many wonderful people on this site, maybe we can help.

Good luck.

Dear, sweet Amanda,

Recognizing that this is a bad situation is the first step on your road to being free from these toxic people. You are bearing this burden with grace and dignity, and I applaud you for the way that you've handled yourself and your daughter so far.

Above all, SHE is your main concern. Don't worry your pretty little head about relatives and in-laws... that is a headache that you do not need to create. This baby, this Princess, is your main responsibility - her happiness and well-being is your first and foremost pursuit.

I am so glad to hear that you live hear your family and that they are being supportive. I'm sure they have offered many times over to help you and care for your little one. I'm sure you feel that you're being a burden and that you don't want to ask them to help because you don't want to take advantage of their kindness. But sweetheart, they WANT to help. They want to spend time with your precious baby girl and help alleviate some of the pressure on your shoulders.

Let them help you.

Stay away from the father of your baby - your soon to be ex - do not let him near you or your girl without supervision. Do not be alone with him. Under no circumstances should you feel pressured to get together or see the inlaws. If you do, do so with your Mother or a guy friend. Don't be bullied.

You're going to make it. YOu're going to be fine. YOur baby girl will grow up with an amazing Moma - and you will raise an outstanding, accomplished baby girl.

Much support. :)

Amanda, I am going to try and give you the best advice I can. I have been through a lot of the things that you have told us here, although I didn't have a baby. My ex's children were older. That presented another problem all together, because they were not biologically mine. I will tell you a little of my story first. It's a little complicated, because I am talking about 2 different ex's, but bear with me.

I also had in-laws from hell. Everything was ALWAYS my fault. One of my ex's broke more bones in my body that I care to count. His mother would always ask me what "I" had done to make him resort to punching, me, kicking me, throwing me, choking me, locking me out of our home in -40 degree weather with no shoes or coat... you name it. She told me I must have been horrible to her sweet son, and therefore it was my fault.

His sister would show up at places I was, and scream obcenities at me, and call me a whore in front of a room full of people. I had never once cheated on him, and it fact it was completely the other way around, to the tune of a dozen or more women. He also sexually, emotionally, mentally and verbally abused me.

I never thought I would ever allow myself to be in that position, but it became something I can only describe as brainwashing, and physical and mental control. I tried to leave several times, only to get scared and go back to him. He took every ounce of self esteem and self confidence that I ever had. I used to model and be very confident, and it got to the point where I would avoid a mirror after he drained everything I had in me. Finally, after 12 years, I somehow got the guts to leave.

I had called the cops several times, but they knew him, because he had status and money, in the community, and everyone respected him. The cops did nothing to protect me. They even gave him a ride in their police car to a hotel room one night after he had hit me. All he did, was call a cab and come back an hour later!

I finally thought a few years later, that I had met a great guy. We had a beautiful home, I was raising his children, we had a couple dogs... just one big happy family, so I thought. He went to work every morning, and came home at night. We would all sit down to dinner together, and talk about our days. We had the occasional, normal argument as any couple does, but he never raised a hand to me, or even raised his voice. We were best friends.

He got a promotion in his job, and was put in a position of being in charge of a lot of people. Most were young men in their 20's. He had always been a person that liked to fit in with the crowd, and always wanted everyone to like him. The young kids were doing crack, so to fit in, he started doing it with them. I started noticing a change in his behaviour, and started catching him in lies. We lost our beautiful home, vehicles... well everything. When I found out that drugs were the cause, I left him, and took our dogs, his son ran away from home, and actually hopped a plane out of the country, it was a mess.

A year and a half ago at C'mas time, he came to my door at 3am, and forced his way in. He wanted our dogs. He was stoned and drunk. He threw me around, and that resulted in my ribs being broken, a bruised lung, and a broken cheekbone. I called the cops, and it took them at least a half hr for them to come. They took a report, and didn't even contact my ex until the next day. They had him write out his version, in which he denied doing anything to me. (he said I fell) They didn't arrest him and take him to jail, they left him to go on with his day. We finally went to court 3 months ago, after all of his delays by working the court system. In the meantime, he stalked me, and ripped my vehicles apart, piece by piece, and went as far as to have someone tell me they were going to kill me. I have to live in fear. When we went to court, the prosecutor offered him a plea bargain without my knowledge, and he accepted. He pled guilty, and he got a $500 fine. Yep, that's it!

There are some things you can try and do, to try and protect yourself. I wish I would have done more to protect myself, but I got discouraged by the lack of help also. They might not all work, but you need to try every thing you can. Please don't think about leaving your precious baby without a mother. That is the easy way out, and you have a responsibility to be around to protect her. You said you don't want to be a burden on your family. If you give up your rights to your parents, and then kill yourself, what bigger burden could there be?

Call your local Police Dept. and file a report. You need a paper trail. They are required to do that! Call every time anything happens with your husband or his family. If they don't do anything, ask to speak with the chief of police!

Keep a journal of your own, and write down even the smallest things, along with the time and date.

Keep all text messages, voice mails, caller ID #'s, or any letters or notes you may get. In fact, keep all paperwork! Bills, receipts,. etc.

Write down his license plate #, his families plate #'s, and any other info you have about him and his family. Give this to the police, and keep a copy for yourself.

Don't be intimidated by going to the court house, because of your sis-in-law. They must do their job, and it doesn't matter if she is in "good" with them or not. Tell either the Police, or the Court Clerk that you would like to appear before a judge to get a restraining order. Tell them that you are afraid for your and your daughters safety, and that he has previously abused you. Say that the situation has quickly gotten more volatile. Although a piece of paper doesn't protect you, it gives you a little more reassurance that the police will respond quickly, if they know there have been other reports filed.

Notify your friends and especially neighbors of your situation. Get your locks changed. You might want to get a dog, that will bark and alert you. (Labs are usually good with children, but be careful) If you can't get a dog, put up beware of dog signs! You can also print off on your computer, signs that say you have an alarm system. If you have a vehicle where you have a remote starter, keep it with you, especially at night, and press the panic button if you are in trouble. Another thing you can do inside your house is set off your smoke detector. Try to keep your phone with you, so you can dial 911 if you need to. Keep a baseball bat, or a lrg stick by each door.

Keep a suitcase that is hidden somewhere handy, with necesseties for you and your little girl, especially her medication, and have some emergency money put away. Have a code word, that certain people you have picked, such as your parents, to alert them if you are in trouble.

DO NOT let your husband tell you what you HAVE to do. What you HAVE to do is PROTECT yourself and your daughter. Your daughter needs you to do for her what she cannot do! DO NOT give him the opportunity to abuse you any longer! Please don't give up and leave her with an abusive father, and a mother that isn't around to help her! If you weren't around, your husband would likely start a court battle, to take your little girl from her grandparents, and likely get custody. You wouldn't want to put her with a family that wants her dead would you?

I appologize for the length of this, but I hope it helped you some. Keep us updated please! Good Luck to you!

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I do live near my family right beside of them, they are very supportive but I don't want to be a burden on them.

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Amanda dear, this is not the time to have 'false pride', so accept all the support your family gives you and lean on them. As you love your child dearly, they love their child dearly (and that's you, no matter how old you are - and you will always be their beloved child) and they have a right to fight for and do everything they possibly can for you. So, let them.


At least you have their support and they live near you. Some women in your position are not that lucky and have to endure all these terrible times on their own..


What jreb,Altenweg, HistorianChick and starbuck8 advised and share with you is to let you know that nobody's life is simple and straight.. we all have burdens, but we can overcome them with help - all we have to do is share and reach out - you too have that option. So, get the locks changed, keep a journal, even ask trusted friends to stay with you so you will not be alone, or move in with your family if they invited you to do so..

As for thinking of ending your life - WHY?? - just to satisfy his side of the family? You have just as much right to live as anyone else does, no matter how hard it gets.

I too raised a child on my own after leaving a wife-beater, had to deal with many illnesses and surgeries, alcoholism (dry for 25 yrs now), depression, and now have incurable cancer and will not be able to see my 2yr old grandchild grow up. But I do enjoy every moment with my daughter and my grandchild and don't regret taking on the world in so many battles that I too almost gave up. But something in me just wouldn't let the 'others' win - and I don't think you should either.

So, give your family a chance to take on some of the burden.. if you were my child, I'd fight tooth and nail for you and your daughter - and I'm sure your family feels the same way. Drop that false pride and exchange it for the will to fight for yourself and your baby with the backup support of those who love you. Talk to them about everything and let them choose which part of the burden they want to take over and lean on them. That's what family is for.

His family is cold-hearted, and you have no control over them, but you can control what you let them do to you and your's.. and you need to use that energy to stand up to them.

Take it one day at a time, one step at a time, and when the divorce is over, take a holiday weekend with your child, relax a few days, and then start making secure plans for YOUR family.

I wish you all the luck in the world, dear, and please keep us posted - stay with us and we'll be here for you whenever you need us too.

Chin up dear, you are not alone.. and we are here to prove it to you. So, keep in touch.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif
Believe me, we all know what it's like to wish that we would get a break after fighting one battle after the other... but we have the right to keep on, no matter how many more crop up.