Ask Me Help Desk - Negative Thoughts

Hi there, I'm new to the forum and I hope you can help me...

Since the age of 16 I have mainly had long term relationships, majority of which have been with violent, controlling, unfaithful, jealous and possessive men. At the age of 18 I found my mam dead in her chair, she had died from thrombosis in her leg which led to a heart attack. Parents were divorced so I could not get hold of my dad till 2 days after. At the age of 22/23 I got married to a man who physically beat me and mentally abused me (now divorced). I am now with a lovely honest guy but because of my past I find it so hard to trust him (I really want to trust him). He hasn’t done anything for me not to trust him, but negative thoughts constantly keep coming into my head (more so before and during my monthly cycle), telling me he’s lying to me, he is or will cheat on me when ever he’s not with me, he’s using me, every one / thing is more important than me, he’s in contact with his ex or when he looks at other women I think he’s not happy with me or I’m not good enough for him so he’s checking them out to replace me. I am sub-consciously looking for evidence in his actions or interpreting what they mean. I can’t help it. When I ask loads of questions he gets annoyed because he feels hurt that I could think this of him which leads into arguments. Deep down in my heart I know it’s all in my head and I should not bring old baggage into a new relationship but I can’t help it and these negative thoughts will not go away and are destroying my relationship and me. I’m constantly feeling so down and alone because of these thoughts.

Any suggestions or comments would be most appreciated.

Many thanks

Suzi Q x

Hi,

You know why you sabotage yourself, but it is the emotions left over and unexpressed which are causing you grief.

That is what a therapist is for... to be there for you when you let yourself feel these strong emotions. :)

Best wishes,

Quote:

Originally Posted by Suzi Q

Hi there, I'm new to the forum and I hope you can help me.......

Since the age of 16 I have mainly had long term relationships, majority of which have been with violent, controlling, unfaithful, jealous and possessive men. At the age of 18 I found my mam dead in her chair, she had died from thrombosis in her leg which led to a heart attack. Parents were divorced so I could not get hold of my dad till 2 days after. At the age of 22/23 I got married to a man who physically beat me and mentally abused me (now divorced). I am now with a lovely honest guy but because of my past I find it so hard to trust him (I really want to trust him). He hasn’t done anything for me not to trust him, but negative thoughts constantly keep coming into my head (more so before and during my monthly cycle), telling me he’s lying to me, he is or will cheat on me when ever he’s not with me, he’s using me, every one / thing is more important than me, he’s in contact with his ex or when he looks at other women I think he’s not happy with me or I’m not good enough for him so he’s checking them out to replace me. I am sub-consciously looking for evidence in his actions or interpreting what they mean. I can’t help it. When I ask loads of questions he gets annoyed because he feels hurt that I could think this of him which leads into arguments. Deep down in my heart I know it’s all in my head and I should not bring old baggage into a new relationship but I can’t help it and these negative thoughts will not go away and are destroying my relationship and me. I’m constantly feeling so down and alone because of these thoughts.

Any suggestions or comments would be most appreciated.

Many thanks

Suzi Q x

There is always somebody out there willing to love you no matter what. I suggest you seek therapy to deal with post traumatic stress. Life is waiting!