Just want to know if there is any way to turn a primarily sexual relationship into more after 6+ years?
I have a situation where I've had feelings for a guy for about 6 years; we dated in the beginning but he never wanted anything more. I fell in love and couldn't let him go, no matter what he did or how he treated me. I basically agreed nonverbally to letting him come around for sex and not having to take me out or agree to anything serious. I fell in love and just figured it was better to have him in my life than not at all. I basically have been letting him disrespect me, and not take me seriously for years now. I even made my love so dormant that sometimes I convinced myself that all I wanted was sex from him; so I've sometimes set up late night rondevous with him. Ive had some type of mix between wanting to feel in control & being in love with him. Anyway...
Recently I have been becoming more spiritual and reading the bible to deal with some issues in my life. I have been realizing how crazy I have been throughout the years, and how I've been perpetuating this treatment even though I still love him a lot. I still want to be with him.
I want to show him that I am not the same woman; that I'm more of a virtuos woman now. He's in his early 30's & I know he's not just looking for a sex partner anymore. I'm not sure if I should invite him for a date or try to call him more to see if I could change the situation, or if it has been to long now that I couldn't change his mind about me if I wanted to.

Its just that my feelings are still so strong for him... I'm not sure what to do. Any advice would help; thanks!

Just answered this on another board
You have to line your actions up with your words or he will not take you seriously.

Kia,
You have a serious problem that many people have faced and had to deal with.
I don't know if the community you live in has a self-help group that deals with that type of social-love problems, but I suggest that you try to find one.
Those type groups are very helpful for they are people who have been there and done that and have dealt with it very often successfully.
It is one of the type relationship problems that only those who have experienced it and dealt with it can fully understand and provide help for others.
A mixed group of both male and female is best fro you get to hear from both sides of the issue.
I hope and pray that you can solve your problem in a manner that is successful and happy for you.
Peace and kindness,
Fred (arcura)

Invite him out to dinner at a nice restaurant and have a discussion about how you found religion and want to know if he can see his way to a different kind of future for you two. Talk honestly and calmly. :) When he says he doesn't have those kind of feelings for you, then, you move on.

Remember, you can't change the past or rewrite history no matter what. Forgive yourself for what you did in the past and live life going forward.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

just answered this on another board
You have to line your actions up with your words or he will not take you seriously.

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Agree, no physical / sex in the "new" relationship. If he is truly interested in you as a person and not a booty call, he'll persevere.

Agree with Choux, forgive yourself first, Jesus already has I john 1:9 :)

Choux,
That was very good advice.
Peace and kindness,
Fred (arcura)

KIa,. this is going to take a while after all it's been 6 years you say.

Does he just turn up expecting sex and then disappear again ?
Or does he come round to see a film listen to music or have a bite to eat.
Reading your post implies that you never see him unless he wants you for sex in which case where is he the rest of the time ?

I think next time he's round take it slow suggest sitting and watching a movie or a bite to eat... see what his reaction is, if it's OK then maybe you can casually enter into conversation telling him of how you see the future and what you hope to achieve... again access his reaction,( after 6 years you probably know him really well)

I think if he really cannot understand or accept what you would wish for your future, then I think you must say goodbye and follow your dreams.


He has used and treated you badley for long enough... time for change

I wish you luck

Blessings

0rphan,
Excellent suggestions.
Peace and kindness,
Fred (arcura)