Ok, Long story short I have been apart from my ex roughly 4 1/2 months. The last time I talked to her was last week to exchange our things and she agreed. The issue is not with her but with a friend. Any way last night my friend calls me to tell me another friend that's not as close called him to get my ex's number. My friend said he does not have it. So I called my friend to ask him hy he wants her number anf he stated that he heard we are not together and wants to take her out.

Now I was engaged to this girl for 5 months and together with her for almost 3 years. She lives 5 hours away and barely knows the kid that I thought was my friend that was trying to get my ex number. I asked him why and he said he wants to take her out. My ex is not aware of this as far as I know because he does not have her number. I see that he is not my friend because that is wrong to do. My question is what do I do? I mean she knows he is my friend and mite think I am setting her up, also she would never give him the time of day. This is so stupid for him to try to pull this. Should I e-mail her a heads up or what?

Nope, don't email her or anything. Let her make her own decisions, simply decline to give him your ex's number and continue doing what you're doing. It's a long battle but you are proving you can be victorious, why go back now?

Simply tell him that you do not give other peoples phone numbers out to others because it is not proper to do so and you are not contacting her to see if it is okay because you do not wish to have any further contact with her.
Even if you didn't have a problem with him asking her out it would be really tacky to ask her if she minded you giving her number out.

I know I am feeling way better, and she knows this. The thing I am worried about is her thinking I am involved in this somhow. I can''t believe my friend is doing this to actually think he would be able too. Wow!

Yes, if you want her to understand that you are not steering this, you could give her the heads up. That will answer any questions that might arise for her when she gets this phone call. You might even ask her to contact your other friend and let him know that under no certain terms should he give out her number to anyone. Then regardless of whether she wants to be with this guy, she can at least be made aware. Keep it brief so she doesn't get suspicious or question your motive. Very kind of you to offer to advise her. I'd appreciate that.

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Originally Posted by miller3

I know i am feeling way better, and she knows this. The thing i am worried about is her thinking i am involved in this somhow. I can''t believe my friend is doing this to actually think he would be able too. wow!

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Exactly why you need to stay out of it. You say you know she will turn him down anyway
So it would come off more like a spite prank if you do get involved so tell him NO

I told him no and said to leave her alon but I know he is trying his hardest to get her number and maybe he will. A heads up to her is good to let her know I have nothing to do with it.

And then it looks like you are stalking her by knowing this guy is going after your ex. It's going to do more harm than good

I only know because he called my brother and friends to get her number. That is involving me. This guy has issues to even try this. So basically he is stalking her to get her number and talk to her. This is a big problem because she will think it is me or I have something to do with it. Its so stupid.

Yeah but if you tell her what he plans she could think you only mentioned it to her to make you look innocent and she could see it as you didn't try to talk him out of it.
Stay out of it completely

You have to take into consideration what your relationship with her is. If she trusts you and that wasn't your relationship issue than tell her. Seriously follow your first mind. Disclose the entire situation and do what is best for you. As a woman, I am telling you that if I didn't have issues of trust with an ex and he told me that one of his friends was sniffin me out I would appreciate the heads up. I have been in this situation before and it came way of the man attempting to get closer to me and he used a made up twisted story that if I had the heads up I would have appreciated it. Sometimes people that are some what sneaky by nature will attempt anything. What can it hurt to let her know? Seriously? I believe it's more game playing not to share the knowledge. You cared about her at one point why stop now?

No heads up to her, it's none of your business. If you don't want to give out her number, don't. That's fine.

But I want to remind, your friend is doing nothing wrong by seeking to date a girl you once dated. Regardless of how long you were together, you're not now. She's single.

If YOU don't want to date exes of your friends, then don't. Again, that's fine. But thinking that personal rule has to go both ways is just juvenile. Single people date whom they want. Your feelings about it are your problem, not theirs.

So, butt out. Let her date whomever she wants. Just because you know the guy doesn't mean your opinion counts here. I know you feel like it should, but it doesn't.

Don't warn her about guys wanting to take her out. Nothing wrong with that, and it's wrong to impose your opinion of him on her ahead of time, she's not your concern. But you don't have to give the number out if you don't want... that's just another part of butting out.

It's been stated several times that if he doesn't want to give the number out not to. The "friend" never asked him for the number he asked one of their other friends for it and this third party friend informed the OP that this person was being sketchy. Although you are 100% correct in stating there is no federal offense in attempting to date this person, there is an unspoken code that it just kind of isn't right. He's not referring to someone that he used to "smash" every once in a while he is talking about someone that he dated for three years and intended to marry. That is sketchy if not just disrespectful. "To simply say hey I heard so and so has been asking around for your #, if he gets it from someone I don't want you to think I have anything to do with it it wasn't me." So your right he should probably not concern himself too much with this but dependent on the relationship they had and assuming they still have a cordial one, a heads up wouldn't hurt and that's just my opinion.