Younger woman/older man in big complicated situation
Yeah, I'm one of those idiots with a "man" issue. I'm the idiot because I'm the chick that's schtuping an older, married man. He's twenty-two years older. And the husband of a co-worker to boot... yeah, I'm the biggest twit on the face of the planet and a bunch of other things I can't describe. I know that childhood abuse, rape as a teenager and my recent divorce are all contributing factors. But surprisingly that stuff is what has brought the two of us together. He's different from any man I've ever met. Shows the sensitivity and caring I've always heard about and always wanted. We truly care about each other. But I know that he won't leave his wife. That he's too old to start over and even if he could it would change him too much. But he's alone. His wife doesn't like him. Leaves him alone whenever possible, works as much as possible and has had him sleeping on the couch for 10 years. I've watched and she's admitted. Don't ask me why I'm still in this self-destructive situation. I've got disabled kids. I shouldn't even consider knowing someone else. But he's a good man. A good person. And we seem to fulfill a need within each other. An understanding based on similar experiences. So I guess the question is: where do I go from here? I love the guy. Beyond lust or well, as a friend and beyond. I know I can't help them, but how do I help myself? I don't want to say goodbye to a good friend forever, I don't have many. But I know this isn't healthy and is wrong on so many levels I can't count. But what to do and how to do it? And where do I go from here. I'm this loser living with my mom after 12 years of marriage to a man I didn't love, but has to wonderous and beautiful boys. I get to have the boys half time. They stay at the house and my ex and I take turns during the week. So.. what do I do... new job, obviously. Own place? Yep-goes with the new job. But the emotional? How to find healthy after so many years of dysfunction. Oy! Help! And be nice I'm stupid, but not without feelings-be constructive. Please:)