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-   -   Should I worry that my husband is gay? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=240960)

  • Jul 23, 2008, 07:33 PM
    mollymcbutter
    Should I worry that my husband is gay?
    I had to ask about this year because its been bugging me and I don't know where else to turn. Before my husband and I got married he told me about a time about 5 years ago (he would have been 17 or 18) that he had a friend who was going through a sex change (from male to female) and he actually ended up starting to give him oral sex. He said once he started and stopped right away saying he just couldn't do it. He also says he didn't like it and it didn't do anything for him. He has always had girlfriends and now I am his wife. I have heard about his tribulations with girls and young love and broken hearts and all that and never anything about being with a man (expect for this one time) Should I worry that he is gay? The only other thing that worries me is that he is really into having anal sex. I'd say 7 out of 10 times we do anything he wants to play around with my bum hole. Should I really be concerned about this? The only reason I ask is because I've heard lately all those horror stories of women who have their husbands come out of the closest very late into their marriages and I don't want to end up being one of those women! :confused: :(

    I meant to mention our sex life is fine. He still seems very interested in me as a woman (loves when I dress up in lingerie and such and asks for that all the time too) We don't have anything lagging in the bedroom.
  • Jul 23, 2008, 07:38 PM
    DuBas07
    Doesn't sound like he is gay to me. I like having anal sex as long as its not my bum :-) and am heterosexual a male.

    Did his friend go down on your husband or did your husband go down on him/her?
  • Jul 23, 2008, 07:43 PM
    mollymcbutter
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by DuBas07
    Doesnt sound like he is gay to me. I like having anal sex as long as its not my bum :-) and am heterosexual a male.

    did his friend go down on your husband or did your husband go down on him/her?
    He went down on his friend... but like I mentioned he only started it and stopped right away because he says he didn't like it. When he and I discussed this he said he has no desire or interest in ever being with a guy.
  • Jul 23, 2008, 07:50 PM
    Fr_Chuck
    Does not sound gay,
  • Jul 23, 2008, 07:55 PM
    DuBas07
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by mollymcbutter
    he went down on his friend.......but like I mentioned he only started it and stopped right away because he says he didn't like it. When he and I discussed this he said he has no desire or interest in ever being with a guy.
    Was his friend post op?
  • Jul 23, 2008, 07:56 PM
    ylaira
    No he's not. Quit beating yourself!
  • Jul 23, 2008, 07:57 PM
    mollymcbutter
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by DuBas07
    was his friend post op?
    What do you mean? And he also doesn't mind bum stuff on either end, but I don't worry about that because he's not the first guy I've known who's liked his prostate touched
  • Jul 23, 2008, 08:08 PM
    ylaira
    Disregard that. I ddint read your post well. Refer my edited version.
  • Jul 23, 2008, 08:09 PM
    excon
    Hello molly:

    It isn't that he did it one time. It's that he did it at all. Believe me, a purely heterosexual guy would NOT suck his friend off. That doesn't mean he's gay, or bi or any name you want to give it. He is what he is, and as Jerry Sienfelt would say, there's nothing wrong with that. If he's not screwing around on you with a guy or a girl, then his past is just that - his past.

    Besides, I love playing around with my lady's bum - very much.

    excon
  • Jul 23, 2008, 08:12 PM
    DuBas07
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by mollymcbutter
    what do you mean? and he also doesn't mind bum stuff on either end, but I don't worry about that because he's not the first guy I've known who's liked his prostate touched
    Did his friend have male or female genitalia?

    Ive been told by some of my exs its quite common for hetro guys to like it. Anything being just in the area tickles me so completely its counterproductive.
  • Jul 23, 2008, 08:13 PM
    DuBas07
    Even if his friend had male bits it doesn't make him gay because he tried it once. People are a curious bunch.
  • Jul 23, 2008, 08:14 PM
    ylaira
    Excon is right. Quit worrying on what he did in the past. It's just a waste of time. Anyway, he said he didn't feel anything afterwards. What matters is now as long as he's not cheating on you to either a guy, gay or woman.
  • Jul 23, 2008, 08:16 PM
    mollymcbutter
    [QUOTE=DuBas07]even if his friend had male bits it doesn't make him gay because he tried it once. People are a curious bunch.[/Q
    Yeah he still had the male bits there but he was like "i wrapped my mouth over it and stopped instantly" nothing more happened past that
  • Jul 24, 2008, 05:13 AM
    DuBas07
    Sounds like he is into to you, we've all done things we wouldn't do again. Enjoy your relationship sounds like you have a good one.
  • Jul 24, 2008, 05:29 AM
    smoothy
    I think the fact he even tried meant he was curious... the fact he stopped right away tells me he found out at that moment what sounded like a good idea to him suddenly became clear to him that it wasn't for him.

    Now if he's tried this again then there might be something to think about... as you described however it only appears he pursued a curiousity for only a moment then came to realise it wasn't for him.
  • Jul 24, 2008, 12:51 PM
    Choux
    I wonder why you are preoccupied with your husband's possibly being gay when all the facts seem to indicate the opposite.

    I think perhaps you are not happy with your sex life and the frequency of anal intercourse, but you aren't able to do anything about it because you are sexually passive... is that right?

    It would be a good idea to start developing your sexuality to a higher level, make a positive effort to learn all kinds of new things about your body and your orgasmic potential. Read erotica, masturbate to orgasm, redecorate your bedroom into a boudoir, become assertive a little at a time with friends and neighbors, wear bras with cut out nipples under your regular clothes, in a word, teach yourself to be sexier!! Every woman can teach herself to be sexier, and it feels fabulous. :)Then, teach your husband to please you to orgasm... live and learn and practice in your sex room.

    Being sexy doesn't just come out of nowhere... washing the floor, then in bed having a great sex life with your husband. Only for the most experienced and orgasmic women. For young women, bah! Be sexy all day long. Be conscious of your cl!t at every opportunity, feel it tickle. :D

    Best wishes for a great sex life!
  • Jul 24, 2008, 01:10 PM
    0rphan
    Well... he did tell you, most guys would probably have kept it to themselves.
    That says to me that he wanted to begin your married life with no secrets.

    I think you have to accept what he says, otherwise it could end up coming between you unecessarily... leave the past in the past

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