This is my first post here. I was searching the web and found a post from here, and started to look at the site. Looks like there's a lot of knowledgeable people here. Anyway why I'm here... Im sorry if this goes to long, I have so much on my mind right now=(

My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for about 4 years, when I met her she had a boyfriend that lived in Florida(we live in michigan) they were doing the whole long distance thing, they would fly to each other every once and a while. We met in school and started talking, then we decided to hang out because we liked each other. I told her before hand in some conversation that I had never really kissed a girl, so she said we would have to fix that.

We went out and ended up parking behind some school. I was real nervous, and we talked awhile and we ended up kissing, and making out for hours... She ended up giving me oral sex also...

After that, we kind of both agreed that this was a little bit more than a fling or something minor, we really liked each other. So we started hanging out all the time, doing whatever... We would only have oral sex, it went both ways.

I fell in love with her, I told her I loved her one night after I knew she had it on her mind to tell me the same, time went on and things were going great in my mind. But there was always the thought of this other guy that was in Florida... I brought it up one night and got pretty upset with the matter, we talked about it and I thought in my head that I could make her leave him...

Went went out for around 3 months, and one night she called me and told me that the guy was moving up here from Florida to live with her and her parents to go to school here, because his dad was kicking him out of the house. I was in shock, it hurt a lot... He came up and we would talk every now and then online, I was still very much in love with her and it hurt me so bad.

After a year, he went back to Florida because things didn't work out with her parents and him and he couldn't take it any more. She was very hurt that he left her she said he promised he wouldn't leave once he got there.. She got very depressed for a while, and I slowly started getting back into here life. ANd eventually started hanging out again.

Same thing, we were going out like every night having a good time. I was still in love with her. And she was telling me that she loved me. I would bring up the guy in Florida every so often and she would basically tell me that she wouldn't leave him for me. I didn't want to believe it, every conversation about him between us would involve me crying and it would hurt me so bad. We had sex one night, it was my first time. I guess that drew me even closer to her. I mean I know it did. I went on for a long time thinking that she was done with him and her and I were a couple. She would never call me her boyfriend around her family and everyone in her family didn't like the guy in Florida. I liked her parents and they seemed to like me.

One Christmas, she told me she was going down to see him, and would be gone two weeks, I again was hurt by this but loved her so much that I was going to try everything in my power to be with her. So while she was gone I tried not to think about it, tried to keep busy... Well the night she got home, she got online, I said HI to her and jokingly asked where she had been... She got mad and told me she was with him, I said I know.. and she went on to tell me that she couldn't see me any more and that was that. I was very hurt yet again by that, but I knew she was just acting in haste and wasn't thinking right.

anyway after that we didn't talk too much, but we started talking more and more, and we decided to go hang out, and to make this shorter we were back in the same ole groove again like before. Things were going good.. It was real hard with the other guy in Florida the hardest thing Ive ever had to deal with his pictures up on her wall etc.. I moved into my own place and she would stay over there a lot, almost like she was living there... One night I guess she found something in his emails(she had acess to his email) that looked like he was talking to other girls or something, so she called him confronted him with it and ultimately ended it with him. She told me they were done, and it was a relief.. She was sad about the whole thing at times, and would cry at night. Eventually it stopped, and we were in love I thought...

We even decided that we wanted our own place together( I lived with roommates) So we moved into an apartment, and I thought things were great she told me she loved me and I was very much in love with her... She would get depressed at night sometimes and cry and she would put up a wall when I tried asking what was wrong, some night were kind of rough. She told me many times that she was sorry for hurting me all the times in the past, that she felt really bad and was surprised I stuck through it all, I told her I really loved her that much and wanted to be with her forever and she said she wanted the same she promised she would never hurt me many times, and I promised the same.

And actually just 3 nights ago, we were laying in bed and she basically told me that she wasn't happy, and that I acted like I didn't hear the problems she had... The next day I went to work and came home, and she was still at work, so I decided to surprise her, so I made her dinner, lit candles bought her flowers and had it all ready.. I called her about the time she should have been home and she told me she was eating with some guy.. she had told me about him that he would always come into here work and asked her out and she told him she was with me and he said he respected that and just wanted to hang out, so I got upset about it on the phone and told her I had dinner for her, and she kind of just blew it off, and didn't say she loved me when she hung up... So 2 hours later she walks in and the candles are still going and I'm laying on the couch... she asked me why the candles were still lit and stuff, and didn't really acknowledge anything that I had done.. or the flowers.. I began to get real upset, and she said that I always act like things never happened, I asked what she meant and she mentioned what happened the night before with how she wasn't happy, and I said I didn't forget it, and that I felt I wasn't being as good a boyfriend as I should have been and wanted to dot surprise her.. and she was just acting really weird, and I kept talking to her asking what was wrong trying to get anything out of here, that's when she told me that she was basically just with me out of guilt, and that she was with me hoping that it would change, she said some days she thought she loved me and overs she didn't... She said that she was with me because she promised that she wouldn't hurt me again, and that she had felt this way the whole time that she was with me, this hurt so bad, and it still does... I am really hurting right now, chest feels heavy I have that sick feeling in my stomach and my throat feels like its closing...


I really love this girl and she was never happy... We talked about marriage and kids and everting... I don't get it... I am so devastated... Now she's just kind of acting cold towards me and I can't stand it... I love her so much... and it really hurts to know she's been un happy the whole time and was just faking this happiness I saw. I don't know what to do, I can't imagine her being with anyone else it hurts to even think about... We are both on the lease in our place and the lease isn't up until February.. We have a lot of things we have to go through and I'm not sure how this will play out and I want this hurting to go away, but I know it won't that easy... She just left, she said she had to go think and that I should do the same... I had to get this all off my chest, sorry for such a long post.

WOW... don't know where to start really! As I've only heard your side of the story, I would come to the conclusion that this girl is very confused and saw you as an easy target for her pleasure physically and mentally.

She either loved both of you, you and the guy from Florida or just used you for when she needed to feel loved. After all in my eyes she was 2 timing you and this guy from Florida and that's just not right in my books. Im married, been married for 2 years been with my husband a total of 8 years. We also had a long distance relationship where we both lived in 2 separate countries for 1.5 years, its not easy but I was always faithful and I 100% believe he was faithful to me too. There are certain boundaries that you just Don't cross.

I honestly think you need to move on. You said that you had never kissed a girl before her and you had never had sex before her. There is nothing worng with that, but I think she saw you as a naïve inocent person and abused you and used for that purpose, and in my eyes I can't approve of that, its just mean.

Her feelings probably might have grown for you, I mean 4 years is 4 years after all, but I believe she was in denial all this time and I really believe you should move on.
Don't think that because she spoke of kids and marriage that would change the way she loves you, love should grow within both of you as a couple as you start to get to know each other and you love each other no matter what.

Be strong and confront like a man, not a needy man.
You yourself knew about this guy in Florida and you seemed to be OK with that, so what do you think is stopping her from doing the same to you? Or if she has another bit on side!
Think about it!

Hi, Dustin,
You're right; your question is too long!
But, it does sound like this relationship is over.
Same thing happened to me many years ago, knew this girl for 6 yrs, was in love, and eventually were to be married.
We both went off to separate colleges, and she found someone else.
Anyway, took me a year to start dating again.
I do wish you the best, and it will take some time to start meeting new girls.
There is one out there just for you, and all you have to do is find her.

Then again why be with someone was is not and never was happy, it will only make u miserable and its not fair.

That's selfish love.

Sorry to hear about your g/f troubles but be honest with yourself. You had to see this coming. You messed around with a female with a b/f, and fell in love even when she told you flat out that her heart was else where. I understand how happy you where that her and her b/f broke up, because then all you could see was at last you have her to yourself. Had you been thinking straight you would have given her plenty of time then to get over her last relationship, but what did you do, you jumped in head first only thinking how much you loved her and nothing else got through. So now you find yourself with your life up-side down because you moved too fast and didn't think! If you did think you would realize that she was playing on her b/f and then when he left she played on you! All the while you where so blinded that you failed to See the reality of your situation and act in a manner that would have stopped you from throwing all your eggs in her basket and moving in with a cheater. Now what have you got a lease and a broken heart! Your situation is typical of a lot of young guys who fall in love and forget their brains so don't feel your alone in falling sloppily over your own feet. This forum is full of people like you and you should read their posts and learn to be a man and move on!:cool: :eek: :)

Why did you stick with this girl in the first place? She was going out with you and this other guy. Had a go at this other guy for talking to other girls and their she was cheating on him and treating you like crap. The fact that she never told her parents that you were together soeaks for itself. I am afraid I have to be blunt - you were just someone to be with until someone better came along. It meant she did not have to be on her own. It seems to be one rule for her and another for the men in her life.

You are better off without this girl. You seem like a very generous, romantic guy and there is a girl out there waiting for you who will appreciate you and like you for who you are.

This girl has done nothing for yourself confidence, self esteem and has made you feel like an awful person and hurt you time and time again. Put everything in perspective and see there is nothing about this girl worth loving.