Ask Me Help Desk - Ex wife trying to leach more money once arrears are paid off

I'm so frazzled with both my fiance's exes.
First, we have Janice, who threatened my boyfriend at work with taking him back to court once she received a letter stating that he is finally caught up on his support arrears, so instead of getting 175 biweekly, she will be receiving a little less than 90 dollars. Their son is 18 and going to live on campus- I am very supportive of the law requiring my boyfriend to pay support, but shouldn't she have to work more than part time to help out before she tries to leach off a single income family already barely getting by?

My second issue is Julie, who hasn't paid a dime of support in almost a year, even though she has a cdl-a truck driver's licence and no dependents residing with her- just her and the boyfriend, who both make very good money. She lives in Wyoming, and we're in Ny- we've had her served, but she works under the table, hops from job to job, and has no assets that could be seized.

We have 4 kids between the 2 of us. I am currently a stay at home mom because the daycare where I live is outrageously expensive. That in itself is hard, demanding work. We looked forward to the day he would be caught up so we could stop begging and borrowing to get from paycheck to paycheck. When she drags him back to court, which she loves to do, how is this likely to play out? Will they look at his bring home pay and his expenses? Will they look at her lack of income and realize that, as she herself said on the phone, she needs the money for her mortgage, and should be working more than pt to finally support herself? Her son has an excellent financial aid package, so I am positive, based on the fact I received the same grants and loans, he will not only have tuition and room and board covered but also the cost of books, etc. Are we required to maintain her household while he is away when we can barely pay our own bills? Again, I know supprt is mandated until age 21 in NY- that's fair. But is 180 a month, which he will never see, really unreasonably low? I know I'm asking a lot of ?'s, and about 2 separate exes, so thank you if you've evn read this far. To help clarify- she has physical custody of John, 18, and Rich has physical custody of Chris and Matthew, his children from a deadbeat named Julie. I have 2 children in my custody from a prior marriage who I receive ssdi for, because their dad is disabled. Thank you so much if you can help with any advice!

Quote:

Originally Posted by niffer1977

I'm so frazzled with both my fiance's exes.
First, we have Janice, who threatened my bf at work with taking him back to court once she received a letter stating that he is finally caught up on his support arrears, so instead of getting 175 biweekly, she will be receiving a little less than 90 dollars. Their son is 18 and going to live on campus- I am very supportive of the law requiring my bf to pay support, but shouldn't she have to work more than part time to help out before she tries to leach off a single income family already barely getting by?

My second issue is Julie, who hasn't paid a dime of support in almost a year, even though she has a cdl-a truck driver's licence and no dependents residing with her- just her and the bf, who both make very good money. She lives in Wyoming, and we're in Ny- we've had her served, but she works under the table, hops from job to job, and has no assets that could be seized.

We have 4 kids between the 2 of us. I am currently a stay at home mom because the daycare where I live is outrageously expensive. That in itself is hard, demanding work. We looked forward to the day he would be caught up so we could stop begging and borrowing to get from paycheck to paycheck. When she drags him back to court, which she loves to do, how is this likely to play out? Will they look at his bring home pay and his expenses? Will they look at her lack of income and realize that, as she herself said on the phone, she needs the money for her mortgage, and should be working more than pt to finally support herself? Her son has an excellent financial aid package, so I am positive, based on the fact I received the same grants and loans, he will not only have tuition and room and board covered but also the cost of books, etc. Are we required to maintain her household while he is away when we can barely pay our own bills? Again, I know supprt is mandated until age 21 in NY- that's fair. But is 180 a month, which he will never see, really unreasonably low? I know I'm asking a lot of ?'s, and about 2 separate exes, so thank you if you've evn read this far. To help clarify- she has physical custody of John, 18, and Rich has physical custody of Chris and Matthew, his children from a deadbeat named Julie. I have 2 children in my custody from a prior marriage who I receive ssdi for, because their dad is disabled. Thank you so much if you can help with any advice!

In NYS support is by Statute - you make this much and with very few adjustments you pay that much. Circumstances do not matter. If she provides a permanent home for that child she is entitled to the money. There are no restrictions on how the custodial parent spends the money. For example, she has an electric bill 12 months a year. She is not expected to sit in the dark when the child is away at school.

I got somewhat lost here - which mother in what State wants more support?

And, no, the Court will not force the mother to get a full-time job - or any job at all. As I said, it's by Statute and if that's all she wants to support the child and doesn't want to chip in herself, then that's how it goes.

The mother in NY state wants more money. I understand she shouldn't have to let her electric bill go unpaid, but since they agreed upon the base amount of support at the almost 90 biweekly just 2 or so years ago, is it fair for the court to increase support to take care of her bills? The money is supposed to be child support, not alimony, which was never ordered.
Again, I hate to pester you,but will the court at least look at his expenses and not just his gross income, if they do increase the supoort amount?
I know they cannot make her work more hours, and there are no "shoulds" in law, but it doesn't seem right to me that she can sit on her butt and mooch off him when she has no disability and could be paying her own bills. We are in a dire financial situation ourselves with 4 growing boys, 2, again, we don't receive support for. Shouldn't the child's (or in this case 18 yr old's expenses) come into play as well, since tuition is being covered and current support is still being paid? We are already below the poverty line for a household of 6, and I feel so frustrated that his ex can still get away with only working 20 hrs a week, which has been the case for years, because she knows that she can always drag her harder working ex back through the system.

Quote:

Originally Posted by niffer1977

The mother in NY state wants more money. I understand she shouldn't have to let her electric bill go unpaid, but since they agreed upon the base amount of support at the almost 90 biweekly just 2 or so years ago, is it fair for the court to increase support to take care of her bills? The money is supposed to be child support, not alimony, which was never ordered.
Again, I hate to pester you,but will the court at least look at his expenses and not just his gross income, if they do increase the supoort amount?
I know they cannot make her work more hours, and there are no "shoulds" in law, but it doesn't seem right to me that she can sit on her butt and mooch off of him when she has no disability and could be paying her own bills. We are in a dire financial situation ourselves with 4 growing boys, 2, again, we don't receive support for. Shouldn't the child's (or in this case 18 yr old's expenses) come into play as well, since tuition is being covered and current support is still being paid? We are already below the poverty line for a household of 6, and I feel so frustrated that his ex can still get away with only working 20 hrs a week, which has been the case for years, because she knows that she can always drag her harder working ex back through the system.

It's by Statute in NYS - you make this much, you pay that much. I don't understand their agreement - you cannot waive your legal rights to support in NYS. You can get an Order for a certain amount and then agree to take less but you cannot enter into an agreement to take less. Do you understand what I mean?

I'm not saying what is morally right or not right - I'm saying what the law is and many, many people keep getting dragged in, live at or near the poverty level. Sometimes one person works nights and the other days so that someone is home with the kids all the time, no child care expenses, but they still have two incomes.

Take all your evidence to the hearing and see what the Court orders - he will have somewhat of a disadvantage because he apparently was in arrears for a substantial amount - ?

As far as the mother who does not pay support - you just have to keep pursuing her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by niffer1977
The mother in NY state wants more money. I understand she shouldn't have to let her electric bill go unpaid, but since they agreed upon the base amount of support at the almost 90 biweekly just 2 or so years ago, is it fair for the court to increase support to take care of her bills? The money is supposed to be child support, not alimony, which was never ordered.
Again, I hate to pester you,but will the court at least look at his expenses and not just his gross income, if they do increase the supoort amount?
I know they cannot make her work more hours, and there are no "shoulds" in law, but it doesn't seem right to me that she can sit on her butt and mooch off him when she has no disability and could be paying her own bills. We are in a dire financial situation ourselves with 4 growing boys, 2, again, we don't receive support for. Shouldn't the child's (or in this case 18 yr old's expenses) come into play as well, since tuition is being covered and current support is still being paid? We are already below the poverty line for a household of 6, and I feel so frustrated that his ex can still get away with only working 20 hrs a week, which has been the case for years, because she knows that she can always drag her harder working ex back through the system.

It's by Statute in NYS - you make this much, you pay that much. I don't understand their agreement - you cannot waive your legal rights to support in NYS. You can get an Order for a certain amount and then agree to take less but you cannot enter into an agreement to take less. Do you understand what I mean?

I'm not saying what is morally right or not right - I'm saying what the law is and many, many people keep getting dragged in, live at or near the poverty level. Sometimes one person works nights and the other days so that someone is home with the kids all the time, no child care expenses, but they still have two incomes.

Take all your evidence to the hearing and see what the Court orders -

As far as the mother who does not pay support - you just have to keep pursuing her.
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To clarify (and thank you for your help- I really do appreciate it), she didn't waive her right to support. He still pays- now it is a little less than 90 biweekly, because it was so high when the arrears were owed that even with 2 incomes we were struggling.
There is no easy solution to our situation. He works 10 hr days with a total 2 hr commute. I have no transportation and no family/ friend support- he would have to give up this job for me to work and take a huge pay cut, since if I worked 3- 11, I'd never see my school aged kids most of the year, and even overnights wouldn't work because he has to leave at 5:30 am . I don't know of any jobs that will accommodate the half days, holidays, sick days, etc 4 boys have that I would have to call in for. The bus schedule is laughable and I'm not within walking distance of any places of employment with openings. I resent her for sitting on her and won't let her make me an absentee mom so I can foot her share of the bill of raising their son. I am very discouraged by this info.- how can I raise my children if I can't be home when they are, since again, days are not an option.
As far as the other ex, support collection doesn't give a crap. She's gotten away with murder. Her arrears are at 6000+ and climbing by the week, and we've had to do all the legwork ourselves just to get an order put on paper that they do absolutely nothing to enforce.
Basically, if you leave the state, you are exempt from the rules, but if you stay put, they can push your family into stress and poverty? The system is messed up...

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Originally Posted by niffer1977

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To clarify (and thank you for your help- I really do appreciate it), she didn't waive her Basically, if you leave the state, you are exempt from the rules, but if you stay put, they can push your family into stress and poverty? The system is messed up...

No question there - and when you are in different States it's a nightmare.

I understand the employment problem - plus I don't know if there are any jobs out there.

It's a mess.

Also, what can I do as far as the deadbeat mom of the other two boys? We've had her served in the past, but if she's working under the table, or on the road where we can't have her served, what recourse do we have? It's been 5 years and a fight for every dime we've ever gotten. Again, she has no assets and likes to hop from one job to the next- we can't in her down.
What about agencies like supportkids.com that take a third of what you collect but only if they can produce results? Do you have any experience or knowledge or agancies like that, where you could recommend using them or advise us not to?