Ask Me Help Desk - Stay together or not?

Im almost 16, and my boyfriend is 17 we have been together for 10months now, we were great at first, then things went down hill. About 3 months ago we sorted everything out, but he has NO trust for me. He deleted all male numbers from my mobile phone, my myspace, and argued with me if I spoke with other boys. Because I love him, I didn't know what to do, so I let him do it, but my friends have been telling me recently I can do a lot better, and he has no respect for me. I hate to admit it but their right. Recently he's been going out and getting drunk whilst I'm at work on a Saturday night at girls houses, he lies to me about when he's home(12am) as his mum tells me when he really gets home (2am) I don't stop him doing anything, as I have never been that type of girl, but I feel now since I have seen messages on his phone from girls asking for sex, and from his ex's telling them he misses them that I am losing my feelings for him, I still love him but am beginning to wonder if I could be happier alone. I keep trying to talk to him about it but he never wants to listen. I really don't know what to do, please help!! :(

Whoah, slow down! You love him, yet he's controlling your life? Lying to you? Trying to force your friendships? Being overly possessive?
Don't let your emotions run your life. You KNOW he's not right, you admit that he has no respect for you.
You know what you have to do. This relationship is unhealthy.
I'm sure you care about him a lot, but you can't let it continue this way. Either put your foot down and tell him that he can't decide how you live, nor can he be dishonest with you, or you tell him to go.

Take care,
Kal

Thank you, although I agree with you totally... the way he acts makes it seem normal, and I just feel like I'm going to upset him, I'm going to speak to him tonight and hopefully make him see how I feel!

Thanks, take care :) x

No one should ever control anyone, its not his life you are living. It is your own, why do everything he says? My girlfriend went through this with her ex and has just recently given me her myspace information, I simply deleted it as I don't really care what she does on that site. You are letting him tell you how to live your life and its not OK, you need to put a stop to it before it gets worse, and it will get worse A LOT worse

First, you need to get out of this relationship- it's NOT healthy and you obviously aren't enjoying what you two have- even if you feel you love him. If you do breakup (and I hope you do) you need to make sure that you don't go after the same type of guy. Usually when people get into controlling relationships there is some subconscious influence and they begin to develop a pattern of attraction. How's your family life? Do your parents argue or are they super controlling of you? I know it sounds bad but you really do need to get out of this relationship. It could turn from tight control to abusive (even physically) very quick if it hasn't already. Good luck with you're situation-

Drew

You really should leave him, I know how hard it is because I have been there and have only recently got out of it. I ended up with no friends because I wasn't even allowed to talk to toher females yet he was allowed to do anything he liked when he liked and I just didn't have the confidence to do anything about it. Since I left him I ahvent felt happier it is hard at first but it is worth it. You sound like you have good friends who will stand by you as well. You are to young to be going through this. Good luck xxx

Sooner or later you will get tired of his bad treatment, and behavior and you, and will stand up for yourself. I hope its sooner rather than later.

You two are too young to date, he is not on the maturity level as you are and you are not ready either.

Quote:

I keep trying to talk to him about it but he never wants to listen.

When people don't want to listen, leave them and their BS, alone.

He's Getting drunk, while under the legal drinking age. He lies to you. He never wants to listen. He has no trust for you. Won't allow you to have male friends. Deletes phone numbers and contacts that you have in your phone and on your personal my space... do I need to continue? These are your words. What about this sounds appealing to you, how attractive does this make him? How long do you plan to live this way? Can you understand that if you accept this behavior now from anyone that you will condition yourself to accept it as a way of life when you find someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Learn now that it is not okay and expect more for yourself, you deserve it. Not necessarily going to be easy, but it will feel so much better. You don't need us telling you what to do either, you already know. You're a star, keep shining.

Quote:

Originally Posted by StayWithMe

Im almost 16, and my boyfriend is 17 we have been together for 10months now, we were great at first, then things went down hill. about 3 months ago we sorted everything out, but he has NO trust for me. he deleted all male numbers from my mobile phone, my myspace, and argued with me if i spoke with other boys. because i love him, i didnt know what to do, so i let him do it, but my friends have been telling me recently i can do a lot better, and he has no respect for me. i hate to admit it but their right. Recently hes been going out and getting drunk whilst im at work on a saturday night at girls houses, he lies to me about when hes home(12am) as his mum tells me when he really gets home (2am) i dont stop him doing anything, as i have never been that type of girl, but i feel now since i have seen messages on his phone from girls asking for sex, and from his ex's telling them he misses them that i am loosing my feelings for him, i still love him but am begining to wonder if i could be happier alone. I keep trying to talk to him about it but he never wants to listen. i really dont know what to do, please help!!!!!!!:(

OK HE IS A JERK!! First of all in this relationship there is no trust just like mine and its not guna work! I mean I'm young but your just too young, you need to be single and hang out with the girls. I was around your age when I started making true friends and if your guna be stuck with a kid who gets drunk not to mention he's under age! Than you may never experience that friendship wit the girls.. talking about boys and crushes and having fun you knoo... leave him babe your too young.. I know exactly how you feel but in a relationship it should always be 50 50 and if he can do something and you can't and he's guna make separate rules for both of you.. hes a young immature BOY, it always seems the girls mature quicker so I can feel your pain. BUT PLEASE UR TOO YOUNG TO BE UNDER RELATIONSHIP STRESS! U STILL HAVE UR WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF YOU :) u know you should leaave him so do it

You're like a USSR peasant. Your boyfriend is similar to a USSR soldier.

He tells YOU what to do, tells you to stfu and not talk to other guys...

LEAVE HIM.