This will probably be a long one so bear with me please. Some preface material, I am 24 she is 22, I got out of a stagnant almost 5 year relationship 2 months ago, and she knows this. We are also both in our desired career path. Her last relationship was 1.5 years ago in which she broke off an engagement.

So I met this girl on a Thursday (7/3) and we ended up hanging out all weekend and both of us enjoyed every minute of it. We had some relatively intense kissing sessions which led to some deep talking, our sense of humors are in tune with each other and overall we connect on a level that I've yet to see with another woman.

It has been about 3 weeks since we met and we had been hanging out pretty often she even took me to meet her grandma which is her closest family member. Everything went great we played some cards with her grandma and aunt and had a good time.

It came relatively soon but I ended up staying at her place one night and we stayed up almost the whole time talking and cuddling with each other, she made the comment of how amazing she feels just laying in my arms, etc, very open and sweet and I felt the same way and told her this.

About a week later we were at her place again watching some TV and we starting making out, hands started roaming and it was escalating quickly, we ended up slowing it down and then talked and she made a comment 'you don't expect me to sleep with you right away, do you?'. Which I responded sincerely and quickly, 'of course not', this was just a week after we met each other and I was leaving town for the weekend so we made plans to hang out on Monday.

Monday night comes around and we end up going by her grandmas house again where she cooked dinner again (amazing trait for a young woman!) and I helped her grandma fix her TiVo/DirecTV, after dinner we went back to her place and watched a movie and then went and laid down in her room. Things started getting heavy and we were leading towards having sex, which I didn't think was right based on her comment the previous time we saw each other, so I slowed things down and we fell asleep together.

The next day she was very talkative on text messaging and saying things like she wishes I was with her and how she is going to miss me on her upcoming business trip, and we started talking a little bit about what happened the previous night and how we both would like to continue moving in that direction...

We made plans for Wednesday night which she backed out on, saying she needed to do stuff before her trip, which I was perfect fine with. She suggested we hang out Thursday instead, come Thursday morning she informs me that she forgot that she had made plans with Grandma, and asked if I would be available Friday. I already had plans on Friday so I told her that if I was available later in the evening I could see her. Friday came around and I was done with my plans around 8 and I called her, she was out with friends and said she was going to spend the evening with them and would call me sometime next week... (Even though she had told me how much she wanted to see me before she left? Which threw me, especially the next week comment)

I didn't talk to her at all until Sunday when I text her to see if she made it to her location and I got a simple short conversation out of it, which I ended.

Monday (yesterday) I tried to strike up a conversation over text and got very little effort from her, I then sent a message asking her, "Is everything alright? You seem bored of me. Anyway have a goodnight"

I got the response "I don't think we are clicking. Or I'm not. I don't know. I'm sorry", so I responded and thanked her for her honesty and said that I hope we could at least be friends. She responded "Of course, I like you a lot"

I then engaged some more trying to understand what might have caused this, the entire weekend I believed it was something to do with Monday night. So I made a comment about it and eventually got out of her, that she felt like if we were really into each other we would have gone further. I told her that I wanted to but I didn't want to go against her comment the previous time we saw each other. We both admitted to each other that we wanted to go further but it just didn't happen. She also stated her concern that she didn't want to be my rebound, I let her know that I understand that mentality and that I felt my relationship with my ex was over to me a long time ago. She asked if we could be friends for awhile and see where it goes, I agreed to that. The conversation ended on a good note, I thought.

Now today, nothing. I got no initiation of conversation. I sent her a text asking what was up and got quick but little response.

I just feel as if I screwed this up and I am really into this girl, is it really possible that because we didn't have sex she feels we don't click and has completely lost interest? She had been calling me babe/hun and kept raving about how wonderful I make her feel and how I make her smile etc, etc... I am just completely confused by this, I realize she is on business and maybe doesn't have much time to talk but even when she does its very effortless it seems.

So my main question is, how to proceed... should I just completely back off and let her show interest, continue to send random communication efforts, or??

Thanks!

EDIT:

Ok I just thought about what I wrote, I realize she said she wants to be friends for awhile before moving into anything else, but she is a pretty active "texter" amongst friends from what I have witnessed, so this is where I really am... Wondering if she just said she wants to be friends to be nice...

Well, I think that maybe she started really getting into you, and was scared that because you just got out of a long term, and she just got out of a long term, Maybe she felt maybe what she was feeling for you was leftover feelings for that other person. It could be that the new and exciting feeling were a little too much too. So just be cool and like randomly text her little one liners and kina see where it goes from there! If nothing else Maybe you two will end up being the best of friends! P.S. don't over look othe potential women!

I'm thinking that you should back off. If you suddenly don't show interest then maybe, just maybe she'll realize that she liked you more than she realized. Or she met someone else. She had a reason for letting you know she wasn't interested. I don't think it was the sex, but who's to say? I'm not in her head. But generally just because there was some intense makin' out and I don't doubt that she did feel good when you were together, it's not enough. Sometimes people try really hard for there to be something when there isn't. At least she was honest with you.

Honestly, her lack of reaction toward you can be the result of a couple of reasons. She may be honest and truthful when she says that she'd like to be friends first. So, if that is the case, I would continue your random texting. Try not to become so over emotional about this girl yet. She's brand new in your life and even tho' you both have had some time together you still have to be rational about how much you like someone you bearly know. No matter how deep the conversations you've had w/ this girl... you still don't know her well enough to trust her intentions... which leads me to my second point. If she were the type of girl that likes to "play" w/ mens emotions for the benefit of her self esteem, as someone whom is vertually a stranger to you, you'd be the last to know at this point. No matter how authentic a person SEEMS it's TIME that dictates the honesty connected to their actions... not the words that are coming out of their mouths. "Actions speak louder than words", you've heard that quote, right? Only time can prove the value of her words...

My friend. Let me come to your rescue. What happened? She was trying to see if you were a nice guy and you proved to be. You know the saying, 'nice guys finish last'? Well, it seems you have just come in last on this one. So far I have read 3 feedbacks and they are all right but only from a woman's perspective. Remember when she asked you if you thought you were going to get some so soon? Guess what? She wanted it to happen. That's why the kisses were so intense and that's why it almost happened when you guys went up to her room to "hangout" after dinner. Honestly, you were too sensitive about her feelings. I don't want you to get the impression that you should be an as* but you should just go with the flow. The flow was there when your hands went wondering, the flow was there when you guys hungout and played cards, and the flow was definitely there when you guys were in her bedroom. You stopped that flow. Women don't ever want to plan "the act." They want to make it seem spontaneous and in the moment. That's what makes the act itself exciting. That's why she declined to see you the following days after the bedroom incident. It would have seemed planned out. Honestly, its just sort of weird to plan something like that. In a way you rejected her when she was open to the act. No wonder she doesn't want you anymore. She's rejecting you now to get back her pride and respect because you threw the fact that she said she wasn't going to hook up with you in her face. Not only did you make her seem easy, but you kind of made her look like she's a person that can't stick to her words. Remember this: Relationships are about push-pull. What I mean by this is that sometimes you want to push your partner away and sometimes you want to pull them in. If she had asked me if I thought I was going to sleep with her, I would have said, "Of course!" with a big grin on my face and then I would push her away by saying, "but I'll let you know when I'm ready." Its about being cocky but funny at the same time. There's so much that I can tell you but that's a story for a different day. Remember that you are the prize here. Women are pros in smelling wuzziness. You were too nice my friend and I'm afraid you may have pushed her too far. The best thing you can do in this instance is NOTHING. Move on and be happy that you've learned something from her. This being: Don't always believe what you hear and to always go with the flow. There's a great quote that I want to throw in here. "Believe half of what you see and nothing that you hear." Good luck and if she does contact you play it cool and don't ask her anymore questions as to why her interest faded. Don't ask questions that you already have answers to. Plus, she won't tell you the truth... lol. Make plans and ask her to join you and if she rejects, don't worry. Its your plan so you were going to have fun with or without her. Women are a part of your life, not your life. Lastly, just to repeat myself. Go with the flow next time and fu*k what she had told you. Deal with that later and enjoy the moment.

That last post was a lot of writing and I didn't read most of it, so if I'm repeating anything, forgive me,

I think what happened here is that she might have felt rejected by your last make-out session.. when you thought things were going to happen and then you slowed it down.. don't get me wrong you did the right thing and heck, you guys even talked about it before about taking it slow, but she still probably wanted sex at that moment and the fact that you stopped probably upset her a bit..

Next time communicate with her, when you're making out heavily and you're getting the sign that the girl really wants it.. say "do you want to go further?" don't pressure her, but be in tune to her actions.. girls are confusing.. I know.. but I'm a girl and that may be some insight into what she was thinking

Thanks everyone for the input, I am going to back off heavily and let her be the next to make any communication effort, at least until she gets back from her business trip on Saturday, hopefully I can see her sometime next week as she will be leaving town again for 10 days to go to a friends wedding

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Originally Posted by plonak

that last post was a lot of writing and I didn't read most of it, so if im repeating anything, forgive me,

I think what happened here is that she might have felt rejected by your last make-out session.. when you thought things were going to happen and then you slowed it down.. don't get me wrong you did the right thing and heck, you guys even talked about it before about taking it slow, but she still probably wanted sex at that moment and the fact that you stopped probably upset her a bit..

Next time communicate with her, when you're making out heavily and you're getting the sign that the girl really wants it.. say "do you want to go further?" don't pressure her, but be in tune to her actions.. girls are confusing.. i know.. but im a girl and that may be some insight into what she was thinking

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Right, I would say that I am almost positive that she was upset by what happened and probably felt rejected, only because after we talked about it the other night and had pretty much ended the conversation on lets be friends for awhile and see where it goes... she brought it back up with "So, it wasn't because you didn't want to?" and I admitted to her that I most certainly did, however I felt it wasn't right based on what we talked about the previous time.

I'm definitely keeping my options open but would really like to see this work itself out and have the opportunity to continue pursuing a relationship with her or just a good friendship... with the way communications have been however I just don't see that happening at the moment.

I agree with plonak. And partly with the previous poster. When you made the decision to slow things down, you were basically deciding for her without consulting her. It was your decision to stop things, but then later you threw it back at her like it was her decision. She said something once and you decided to make her stick to that, even though she had changed her mind. In short, yeah, you rejected her, then tried to make it seem like it was out of consideration for her. That's a weird and confusing message to get.

Plus, I agree that women are very sensitive about seeming too easy (since being told you are a slut is such a bad thing), so she probably didn't want you to think that. But she did want to sleep with you and you made it hard to do that. On the other hand, I don't agree that you were "too nice." I don't think you were mean, just out of touch with what she wanted. Next time, ask. :)

Small update

She ended up texting me when I was on my way home from work, we had a good conversation about what she was up to, so I think things are fine for now... still going to let her initiate contact as I feel like I might be interrupting her while she is on her trip

Thanks again for the comments/advise!

No problem! Continue to keep us posted! And good luck!

Another small, in terms of nothing has really happened, update

Got a little more contact while she was away, nothing when she got back, so I sent a text asking how her flight was, got a response but then no response to my follow up question which was just about how the trip was overall

Sunday night I asked if she wanted to do anything this week, got a "Maybe..." (text)

Minor communication over email on Monday

Had a good email conversation going over email today, it seems that I killed it by suggesting we hang out tomorrow or Thursday if she had time (she leaves town again Friday for 10 days), got no response to that

Left hanging now, my plan is to let her make the next communication effort again... I feel like I made a mistake asking again if she wanted to hang out, but I guess that's just my personality, friends or more, I like to make plans to see a person if I won't be able to for awhile

Oh well, at this point I assume I won't be seeing her until she gets back from this other trip, and even then I don't know

I spoke with a friend about it and he and I agreed in some way that things moved very quickly and this is a set back for the better, being that she expressed she was concerned with being a rebound, and at the same time, I should spend more time alone, figuring out what I really want and just having fun and meeting more people

Ultimately however I do still feel like this girl is an amazing person and I would like to see something develop sometime in the future

Quote:

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Originally Posted by flash84x

it seems that i killed it by suggesting we hang out tomorrow or thursday if she had time (she leaves town again friday for 10 days), got no response to that

left hanging now, ...

ultimately however i do still feel like this girl is an amazing person and i would like to see something develop sometime in the future

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Hi Flash,
Just speaking for myself, I'm sometimes left not knowing how to answer when someone asks me vaguely if I want to hang out or similar. I don't know if you have tried this, but when she's back, I'd invite her to do something specific with a time and date, a real invitation. Then she can say yes or no. If she says no, you can ask her if a different date would be better. Each time, give her enough advance notice so she can plan, like a week or three weeks or more. For me, sometimes I might like someone but maybe have some doubts or I'm just really busy and they never really invite me to do anything, so I might not get around to seeing them, even though I might have if they'd invited me to do something specific that sounded like fun. Hope this makes sense.

Good luck!
Asking

Quote:

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Originally Posted by asking

Hi Flash,
Just speaking for myself, I'm sometimes left not knowing how to answer when someone asks me vaguely if I want to hang out or similar. I don't know if you have tried this, but when she's back, I'd invite her to do something specific with a time and date, a real invitation. Then she can say yes or no. If she says no, you can ask her if a different date would be better. Each time, give her enough advance notice so she can plan, like a week or three weeks or more. For me, sometimes I might like someone but maybe have some doubts or I'm just really busy and they never really invite me to do anything, so I might not get around to seeing them, even though I might have if they'd invited me to do something specific that sounded like fun. Hope this makes sense.

Good luck!
Asking

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Makes a lot of sense, thanks

I like Askings advice but be careful.. you don't want to smother her with invitations.. coming from a girl, and this is just me she could be different, but if I said maybe to a guy, I either wasn't interested at all, or I was really not sure if I wanted to date him... I wouldn't do that to someone I really liked and wanted to get to know, because it would confuse him and I'd worry that he would just move on.. but again, that's coming from me, and maybe she's different... sorry if I've made you more confused.

I say just relax and if it's meant to be then it's meant to be.. and this is a good lesson you learned, because now you know that sleeping with someone too soon can ruin a potentially good relationship..

All right so another update

She sent me an email with a link to the trailer of the new harry potter movie, which she is into, so I watched it and responded that I need to catch up on them, just sit down one day and watch them all since I've only seen the first one... she responded "omg i will marathon watch them all with you one day if you like!" so I take that as a good thing, whether its as friends or not I don't care, she's an awesome/fun person that I definitely want as a friend at the least, she also apologized for not being able to do anything since she has been busy this week, which was nice as well... so I won't be seeing her for awhile (at least 2 weeks) but I've definitely got my mind clear now and I can move on and wait and see what happens down the road!

Thanks again every one

By the way... way off topic, has anyone ever wondered if the person they are asking questions about might stumble upon the forum and find it? Haha I realized that I used a pretty standard user name on here for myself which would link up to me pretty quickly...