I have had some horrible relationships in the past, my ex husband was abusive, I have had a very difficult finding someone who treats me right... about four months ago I started dating a guy who seemed to be the answer to my prayers... two months into the relationship he proposed and me not thinking said yes... now I have a ring on my finger and I am realizing that I don't love him and I don't think he really loves me either, I think he was looking for the first person that was willing to commit... everything he does drives me crazy, he has a very feminine nature that I am just starting to notice which makes me very uncomfortable, its getting to the point that I literally become nauseous when he kisses me... but he is one of those types that threatens to kill himself every time I mention the thought of us not being together... please someone help me I don't know what I've gotten myself into and I don't know what to do...

tell him it is a tough decision but you two are not perfectly suited to spend a life together.

deep down he may feel it too.

Give him his ring back, and apologize.

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Originally Posted by natasjo

I have had some horrible relationships in the past, my ex husband was abusive, i have had a very difficult finding someone who treats me right....about four months ago i started dating a guy who seemed to be the answer to my prayers...two months into the relationship he proposed and me not thinking said yes....now i have a ring on my finger and i am realizing that i dont love him and i dont think he really loves me either, i think he was looking for the first person that was willing to commit...everything he does drives me crazy, he has a very feminine nature that i am just starting to notice which makes me very uncomfortable, its getting to the point that i literally become nauseous when he kisses me....but he is one of those types that threatens to kill himself everytime i mention the thought of us not being together....please someone help me i dont know what ive gotten myself into and i dont know what to do....

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I know it may sound juvenille, but if you fear that he might kill himself if you tell him that you two aren't suited for one another then you may have to do things to make him break up with you.

My normal advice would be to simply tell him that you two aren't suited for one another and give specific reasons. The truth is always the key, but if you fear that he might do something to harm himself (and you would feel terribly guilty) then maybe you have to put the power in his hands and give him a chance to break up with you.

Good luck

Give him the ring back. Don't be too nice when you do it. It would actually help if you made him mad a little, rather than just left him to feel hurt. I'm not sure what to suggest, but something mildly offensive would actually help him out in the "getting over it" department.

If he threatens harm to himself anyway, tell that would be a sad since he's definitely a good catch for a nicer person than yourself, it would be a shame for his soulmate to miss out on finding him.

Then walk away. What he does CAN'T be your responsibility. Remember, make him mad, not sad, and he'll get over it faster.

Give back the ring, say I am sorry but I do not feel as though I am completely into this.

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Originally Posted by natasjo

I have had some horrible relationships in the past, my ex husband was abusive, i have had a very difficult finding someone who treats me right....about four months ago i started dating a guy who seemed to be the answer to my prayers...two months into the relationship he proposed and me not thinking said yes....now i have a ring on my finger and i am realizing that i dont love him and i dont think he really loves me either, i think he was looking for the first person that was willing to commit...everything he does drives me crazy, he has a very feminine nature that i am just starting to notice which makes me very uncomfortable, its getting to the point that i literally become nauseous when he kisses me....but he is one of those types that threatens to kill himself everytime i mention the thought of us not being together....please someone help me i dont know what ive gotten myself into and i dont know what to do....

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Well If you feel like this now my question is - How did you feel about him when you met him? You said when you met him he was the answer to your prayers. What happened? Go back in time and re-examine.
If nothing is holding you with him, make the break now before it will get harder and harder

I guess there are a couple things I should have mentioned... like I think he might be gay... another thing that is probably my biggest problem with him is that he is trying to change who I am... I smoke occasionally... and not cigarettes... and he doesn't let me do it... everytime I do he throws a fit... and I enjoy drinking... I like to get a buzz and he is a total buzzkill... he doesn't drink or smoke and he is trying to turn me into something I'm not... so should I just do all the things he hates and hope he gets tired of it?

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Originally Posted by natasjo

i guess there are a couple things i should have mentioned... like i think he might be gay...another thing that is probably my biggest problem with him is that he is trying to change who i am....i smoke occasionally....and not cigarettes...and he doesnt let me do it....everytime i do he throws a fit...and i enjoy drinking...i like to get a buzz and he is a total buzzkill...he doesnt drink or smoke and he is trying to turn me into something im not...so should i just do all the things he hates and hope he gets tired of it?

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That or you could do what everybody said. Give him the ring, tell him it was too much, too soon, he's not what you were looking for and it's over.

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Originally Posted by natasjo

i guess there are a couple things i should have mentioned... like i think he might be gay...another thing that is probably my biggest problem with him is that he is trying to change who i am....i smoke occasionally....and not cigarettes...and he doesnt let me do it....everytime i do he throws a fit...and i enjoy drinking...i like to get a buzz and he is a total buzzkill...he doesnt drink or smoke and he is trying to turn me into something im not...so should i just do all the things he hates and hope he gets tired of it?

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I only suggested you to do things so that he will break up with you if you are really afraid that he will harm himself if you break up with him. I mean if he wants you to change who you are then that's a no go. You need to tell him that this is who you are. These are the things that you do and that you have been doing them before he met you and there is no use trying to change you. Maybe just being yourself may make him change his mind about the marriage.
Good luck

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Maybe just being yourself may make him change his mind about the marriage.

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While this has to work, the straight up honest way, is what I say. He's a big boy and what he does without you is his business not yours.

That's cold I know.

Like some of the others have said I think you should be totally honest with him , tell him it's just not working and whatever way he deals with it is his responsibility.

You are both adults and this is just another one of lifes lessons.

Believe me, he will not kill himself if you leave him. If you're determined on breaking up with him, try to act as cold as you can and do NOT look at him in the eye! Every time I had to break up a relationship and I saw the person in the eye, there was always something that made me give them another opportunity. This time, you will seem like the bad guy, but it's actually for your own good. Do it as soon as possible... Let him know that you don't feel a strong connection to commit to a long-term relationship.