Suddenly depressed about ex.how do i just let go?
Sorry this is long.
Back in March my ex broke up with me. It had been my first real relationship and I felt crushed when it happened. About two or three weeks later I saw he was in a new relationship. I was really low but went through all the 'first break up' feelings. I came to this site and talked about it w/ others and people here were very nice and informative which helped me through it.
After about a month things were cooling down. After two months I felt even better. I told myself to keep busy this summer. Try new things. So I occupied my time with work and going out and doing fun summer things and looking into new things I'm planning on doing with my life that are coming up, including a career change and moving out my parents house to be on my own.
Things were going good. I was happy. Sure I still thought about him, sometimes even a lot, but there weren't those feelings connected with him anymore. I thought about him with his new girl and I really didn't care at all. Even thought... 'hey, maybe they're better for eachother'. I felt things were going well. Then one day a few weeks ago I got a phone call from his room mate. Things between them have gotten bad. Very bad. Long story I can't get into involving restraining orders and lawsuits. But he wondered if I could sign this paper saying that I was a witness in a fight they had gotten into back when I was w/ my ex. I told him I felt uncomfortable doing that and he seemed to understand and was really nice about it. A couple days later a get a message on the computer from my ex. First contact since the break up. Bascially he was saying that he heard the room mate had talked to me and wanted to know what he said. Went on about how the room mate was telling lies about him and blah blah blah. But in the message he's mixing in all these random "i still care about you", "I still love you as a person", "i thought we'd stay friends" lines. Ended with a "please help me out". I'm sure all that was bs because he probably just wanted the info. I responded, I don't know if it was a good idea. Basically I wanted to keep it as short as possible. I didn't want to come off as a b!tch but I didn't want to seem really concerned either. I told myself that he probably has no intention of being friends and that I shouldn't expect a response. So I just told him that the room mate told me about the bad things going on between them (didn't tell him exactly what tho) and about the signature he wanted and that I didn't want to get involved. Told him sorry I never talked to him but I had the feeling he wanted his space and would never want to hear from me again. He had hurt me pretty bad but I moved on and I'm focusing on other things in life now.
Of course I haven't heard from him since. But I guess that was what I wanted. I think that's why I did respond... I was scared he might contact me again and I just didn't want to be hearing from him. Was that the right move for me to make?
So things went back to normal, but the last week or so I've been feeling so depressed. For some reason I keep thinking about him. Suddenly everywhere I go I keep thinking I see him in the crowd. Either at a restaurant or at the movies or driving in a car. Why do I get paranoid like that? I think about him with his new girlfriend. At first I thought maybe she was just some rebound. But they're still together. Maybe I had just been a rebound from his last break up?
I don't want to be with him. I established that months ago. I knew after me we were going to go our separate ways and he'll find someone he loved more... someone he'll marry... his "one". But I think it bothers me if it's this girl... the one he left me for.
I don't know how to get out of this and why it's hitting me so hard now all of a sudden. I had all these things planned this past week that I still went out and did and had fun... but then this stuff would always come flying back through my head at the end of the day.
I know this is probably a popular question that gets asked on here as far as relationships go. And I know there's probably no real answer for it. I feel like I've done so well and all the feelings have faded but there's still this tiny little fragment that's still hanging on. I find it so weird how you could go from loving someone and trusting someone so much to suddenly wishing that they never existed. Someone you had shared such intimate times with suddenly seemed like a complete stranger.
How do I just let go?