Ask Me Help Desk - Possbibly pregnant

So this guy I've been dating for almost 10 years, is telling me he wants to Marry me, but then he doesn't talk to me half the time, and when he does he cries and tells me he loves me... we have one 4 year old child together, we don't live together... it has been an on and off relationship for about 6 out of the 10. I might be pregnant, I'm 3 days late. Now I don't know if I should keep it if I am because I know I'll be raising these 2 kids on my own probably. He constantly cheats on me... but yet he tells me I'm the only one and that he is never going to cheat on me again, I'm so fed up, that even I don't know what to do myself.. cause if I am pregnant do I keep it? If I'm not then I keep thinking well maybe I still have a chance to still meet someone who really cares for me and doesn't cheat or physically/emotionally abuse me and means what he says... But if I am I feel like well I'm never going to meet someone cause of course my kids come first... but I know the dad won't be around... What would you do? Would you have an abortion? Would you keep it.. I am so confused on what to do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tjnn

So this guy i've been dating for almost 10 years, is telling me he wants to Marry me, but then he doesnt talk to me half the time, and when he does he cries and tells me he loves me...we have one 4 year old child together, we dont live together...it has been an on and off relationship for about 6 out of the 10. I might be pregnant, im 3 days late. Now I dont know if I should keep it if I am because I know i'll be raising these 2 kids on my own probably. He constantly cheats on me....but yet he tells me im the only one and that he is never going to cheat on me again, im so fed up, that even I dont know what to do myself..cause if I am pregnant do I keep it? If im not then I keep thinking well maybe I still have a chance to still meet someone who really cares for me and doesnt cheat or physically/emotionally abuse me and means what he says....But if I am I feel like well im never going to meet someone cause of course my kids come first...but I know the dad wont be around...What would you do? Would you have an abortion? Would you keep it..I am so confused on what to do.

I would keep the baby, and ditch the guy... soon! You are right in thinking that you could be with someone else... someone who would respect you. But as long as you stay stuck in this toxic relationship, and I am guessing it is partly due to fear of the unknown, you won't be open to other possibilities. Think about what you want for your child... what sort of role model and environment are you subjecting your child to? Is this the sort of relationship you want your child to grow up thinking is OK?

You could always consider adoption if you feel you would not be able to provide for two children. No doubt you are aware of the numerous families who would love the opportunity to adopt.

Personally I would not have an abortion because of a situation like your's. I have seen many women manage, while not always easy, but they manage and many do very well taking care of two, or more, children on their own.

Try a pregnancy test and see what results you get. If negative, give it several more days.. if still no period, try another test or ask your doctor about having a blood test done.

IMO, whether you are pregnant or not, I would end your current relationship... how many times are you willing to be lied to? Yes, it will be scary, and yes, you may have some rough times... but you will have your self-respect and know that you and your child are in a better environment... a healthy environment. You will come away stronger and wiser and open to a new relationship when the time is right.

Do not think for a minute that having a child will keep you from meeting someone new. My husband married me with 4 children in tow, and my stepdaughter has a wonderful partner who is raising her daughter as his own.

What in the world are you confused about, and why in heavens name have you stayed with someone, You need to pick up yourself respect and move on. Stop talking and listening to his lies, he tells you what you want to hear and then does what he wants.

I obviously do not believe in abortion, but adoption is a good option if you do not wish to keep the child.

Keep the baby. It may not seem like the logical thing to do at this moment and I would never say yes to that anyway because I am pro-life. However, the first time you hold your baby in your arms, the first time he/she smiles at you, the first time you smell that baby smell again you will know you did the right thing. Doing it with 2 isn't a whole lot harder than one. Your 1st is already 4. She can do a lot of things on her own and maybe even help out a little. Just because you need to get rid of him doesn't mean you should "get rid" of your baby like that. There are so many good people out there who can't have children on their own. Consider giving the greatest gift of all before you'd consider abortion.

Okay, well abortion shouldn't come up there are so many people out there that would love to care for and love your child. A baby is a gift and your given a chance to give some one life, and abortion will leave you with a lot of what ifs and regrets down the road. And for this so called "dad" tell him to "kick rocks" you are a mother and a woman who needs respect and needs some one who is going to love you and your kids. And treat you wounderfully. There is no reason to put yourself in a situation like that. All it will cause is pain and heart brake. A man who lies and cheats will always lie and cheat. There is a point where you have to stand up for yourself and say when enough is enough and you can't do it any more, and if you are pregnant this could be your chance to get out of the relationship and find a man who is going to love you and treat you right. I really wish you the best of luck and hope that you are able to find a way out of the situation and please tell us how things go for you...

Thank you everyone for your input... it makes me feel so much better. I just feel lost. Im now 4 days late, but the test came up negative... I don't know if I could ever have an abortion anyway, cause you all are right it's the greatest gift ever, I know that because of the one I have now. Its just the dad is such a horrible person... and to give two kids with no dad seems sort of wrong? I would love to have another child, but I just wanted to be in a loving relationship where somewhere cared to actually be with me and my child. I feel like if I have another baby what kind of hold is he going to put on me again? Exspecailly if it's a girl, cause he keeps saying he wants a girl. I know everyone is probably saying why would you put yourself in that situation anyway... well its stupid I know... but when he goes on about how he loves me and were going to be a family and he's in one of those moods where it seems like its all going to be good and happy from now on, I get emotional and all suckered in. I know how dumb of me, even I know its wrong... so who knows why I have to think that way. Anyway I guess I have to wait it out here another week and see what happens. Thank you all for your support and not being rude... I appreciate it lots and you all make me feel like I'm worth something to somebody.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tjnn

Thankyou everyone for your input...it makes me feel so much better. I just feel lost. Im now 4 days late, but the test came up negative....i dont know if I could ever have an abortion anyway, cause you all are right its the greatest gift ever, I know that because of the one I have now. Its just the dad is such a horrible person....and to give two kids with no dad seems sort of wrong? I would love to have another child, but I just wanted to be in a loving relationship where somewhere cared to actually be with me and my child. I feel like if I have another baby what kind of hold is he going to put on me again? Exspecailly if its a girl, cause he keeps saying he wants a girl. I know everyone is probably saying why would you put yourself in that situation anyways....well its stupid I know...but when he goes on about how he loves me and were going to be a family and hes in one of those moods where it seems like its all going to be good and happy from now on, I get emotional and all suckered in. I know how dumb of me, even I know its wrong...so who knows why I have to think that way. Anyways I guess I have to wait it out here another week and see what happens. Thankyou all for your support and not being rude...I appreciate it lots and you all make me feel like im worth something to somebody.

I think sometimes just knowing there are people, even if you don't know them personally, who are in your corner can let you see more of the options you really have. It is not easy making a break from a one sided relationship, especially when you truly want it to be good and you want to believe that things will change. Only you can decide when it has become too much and whether you can honestly say if it is the sort of relationship you want and have hoped for. I hope you have friends and family around that can help you out as well... wishing you the best!

Sweetie you are worth something, no matter what that man says to you, and you are a mother you will always be some one because of that little fact. You are some one important as long as you are a mother and you remember that u have to keep your head up and do the best for you and your child.

Hello there... well I have a bias on this situation. My husband and I are infertile so we can't have children. Because of everyone seeking abortion before adoption it is makes it hard for us and every other couple like us to find children in the US. Which is why a lot go out of the US now. Pease consider adoption.