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-   -   Is he waiting for me to break up with him? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=239559)

  • Jul 20, 2008, 12:03 PM
    juxtapoz
    Is he waiting for me to break up with him?
    My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years. We have had a deep love and friendship connection and both expressed a desire to pursue a future together. Throughout the course of our relationship there have been some common disagreements due to communication issues and differences in personality (I'm more of an introvert and he's more of an extrovert). We always seem to strike a balance eventually, but recently had a small episode that has lead to minimal contact from him and him asking for some time to think. What happened was that we spent the weekend doing lots of things together - went to a party to the early morning hours Friday, his baseball game and a movie Saturday and then a local festival on Sunday. I had spent the greater part of the week before Friday out of town (with out him since he had just started a new job) with my family after a family member's death so I hadn't had any time alone before Friday. At the festival, after about four hours, I said "I should try and get back to clean my apartment and get groceries around 7pm" (which still gave us a couple more hours) . He said okay and we continued walking around but he got really quiet and eventually said "Lets just go". I asked him if he was okay and what was wrong. He said that I never want to do anything and we never spend time together. We argued a bit and I left for home without resolving things. I think this surprised him since I usually want to work things out right away. I waited another day and then tried calling. He didn't answer so I waited and we talked online the next day. He seemed okay and open to talking but busy with this new job and a demanding freelance project deadline for this week. When we finally talked that night, he sounded at times caring and at times indifferent. We tenativaly made plans to hang out in a couple of days which we discussed again on Friday and in my mind, confirmed. When he called later he acted as though we didn't have plans, said he was at his friend's house and that there was nothing going on there I would enojy (I guess it was a stab at my not wanting to be social or something). I said that this was not normal for us and asked him again what is going on with us. I made sure to keep a compassionate tone, but he seemed really frustrated and indifferent again. He said he had to go and I said okay. Now I haven't heard from him for 2 days. I sent him two texts saying once that "I am sorry for the frustration right now and I love you very much." And one saying, "Miss you. Hope work and things are going ok." Still nothing from him. I am very scared that he is simply ignoring me so I will break up with him. My hope is that he just needs time and that this will be a minor set-back in our relationship. I just don't know if things have gotten to a point for him that he doesn't love me enough anymore. So sorry for the long explanation - long story short - how long should I wait, within reason, for someone who needs space?
  • Jul 20, 2008, 01:28 PM
    happy_jester
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by juxtapoz
    My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years. Now I haven't heard from him for 2 days. I sent him two texts saying once that "I am sorry for the frustration right now and I love you very much." And one saying, "Miss you. Hope work and things are going ok." Still nothing from him. I am very scared that he is simply ignoring me so I will break up with him.

    Hello,"juxtapoz"

    I notice,from your question,that you've been with your boyfriend for a little over
    2 years. During this time,you would get to know him,quite well.

    ... or so you thought. :(

    I say this,because the evidence doesn't look too good. :( You haven't heard from him for 2 days. :eek:

    Quote:

    My hope is that he just needs time and that this will be a minor set-back in our relationship
    Ok,you sent him two texts [which was a commendable thing to do] in order to try &
    "repair" your relationship with him. :)

    Sadly,it would appear that your fears are right. He is simply ignoring you so
    That you'll break up with him. :(
  • Jul 20, 2008, 01:34 PM
    talaniman
    Let him call you, he is the one who needs time to think. Honestly after 2 years there should be a lot more communications, and working together to solve issues, not backing away from each other.
  • Jul 20, 2008, 03:36 PM
    juxtapoz
    Thank you both so much for replying. It really warms my heart to know people take time out of their day to respond to strangers questions in their time of need. I am holding off on making any contact at your advice and my gut telling me to do so as well. It breaks my heart to think it could be over so I guess right now I don't mind not hearing from him in order to delay even more pain. I am still holding out a little hope however naïve that may be :(

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