Ask Me Help Desk - To break up or not to break up

My fiancé does drugs every once in awhile crack/cocaine to be specific. Well this weekend he was having a couple of beers with his friends at work and when we went to go home he started to make me miserable by throwing in my face all the bad parts of my life, but then we got home and we were joking and laughing and he received a phone call from my cousin who is a big time crack addict who said he was going to come and get him for a night out... well I was pissed off and I went to go to the bathroom and looked out my bedroom window and saw my fiancé in my car stealing money from me. I confronted him and asked him are you stealing money from me he said yup. Well I needed that money to go to the dr.s and get my car inspected the next day. I got so angry I grabbed my car keys and left and went to my parents for the night. I went back home at 730 am and he was not there he didn't get home till 1pm and has not really said anything to me since I am so angry with him I don't know what to do... its not like he has an uncontrollable drug problem because he can go weeks without doing drugs.. I want to know if I'm stupid for giving this yet another chance, I just wish the occasional drug use would stop... I need advice desperately

Unless he decides to get help for his addiction, I think you would be bette off without him. Hi stealing from you is no good and cause many money issues for you. You can' change him because he have to want too. Can you even picture life with in or even marriage with him and seriouly consider yourself with him in the next year?

I can picture myself being married to him... I just can't stand when he does drugs because I know he doesn't need them I just don't understand why he goes and does it sometimes.. this is the first time he has taken money from me without asking but he didn't try and hide it when I asked him if he was stealing, he helps me out with money all the time he pays all the bills in our home I just don't know

He have an addict even if its not done daily. To better understand him you mu understand the habit and it short and long term affect.
What are its short-term effects?
Short-term effects of cocaine include constricted peripheral blood vessels, dilated pupils, increased temperature, heart rate, blood pressure, insomnia, loss of appetite, feelings of restlessness, irritability, and anxiety. Duration of cocaine's immediate euphoric effects, which include energy, reduced fatigue, and mental clarity, depends on how it is used. The faster the absorption, the more intense the high. However, the faster the absorption, the shorter the high lasts. The high from snorting may last 15 to 30 minutes, while that from smoking may last 5 to 10 minutes. Cocaine's effects are short lived, and once the drug leaves the brain, the user experiences a "coke crash" that includes depression, irritability, and fatigue.
What are its long-term effects?
High doses of cocaine and/or prolonged use can trigger paranoia. Smoking crack cocaine can produce a particularly aggressive paranoid behavior in users. When addicted individuals stop using cocaine, they often become depressed. Prolonged cocaine snorting can result in ulceration of the mucous membrane of the nose.

You might be better off without him than you are with him. It's much easier to do bad all by yourself than to have a fully grown man pulling you down. He needs to get himself clean on his own and nothing you say or do will make him do that until he is good and ready. This is my opinon and understand he did not lie once confronted about stealing the money but what if you did not catch him or the next time he decides to steal. Have you talked to him about this issue and if that you need to address it before marriage.

Also, if he get caught with this drug he can get arrested and go to jail.

Leave him NOW before it's too late. Cocaine is one of the hardest drugs to get un-addicted; it is the easiest drug to get addicted to...

As liz28 said, your fiance has no intentions of being with you. He CHOSE cocaine over you... he even STEALS money from you.. what does that suggest? He's addicted.

YouTube - intervention MUST WATCH

IT only gets worse get out now. Crackheads that are to this point are beyond hope.
Next he will be selling your DVD player, your TV, your computer, taking your car.
You have no say in anything he does no matter how much it directly involves you.
When they are to this point others feelings, needs and wants are totally meaningless to them.
Get away before he totally destroys your life and you have to rebuild it from the ground up.
There should be NO question about should I break up! It's a done deal and you are just hanging on for the downhill ride.

You can not help him it will only get you in way over your head.

Once he stole money from you to support his habit shows it might big a bigger problem than you think. He needs help but as I stated earlier he must want to seek help himself before he can change. He might pay all the bills but he still have a habit that can be addicted and you don't know for sure how often he uses the drug.

I am sure you love him but he needs help and must be willing to face the problem. Dealing with a person with a drug can sometimes be a losing situation. Getting off drugs isn't the easiest and staying off drugs is even more difficult. There is a very low percentage of drug addicts that can stay off drugs. Living together or marriage is difficult at best and by remaining in this situation you are piling too many problems onto your relationship too quickly. If you want to have a family, this is not the way to go. You need to take time out and really be honest with yourself about what you want out of life. Having a drug problem can make you steal anything from love ones and at the time you don't care because they're just thinking about their hit at time. Have you discuss drug programs for him because it does not matter how much you use something to be an addict.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ERINA3746

i...i just can't stand when he does drugs because i know he doesnt need them i just dont understand why he goes and does it sometimes..

Here some reasons he mig use it:
. People on drugs use them because they want to fit in.
Nobody wants to be the only one not participating. No one wants to be left out. So, sometimes they make bad decisions like taking drugs to cover-up their insecurities. They don't think about how drugs can isolate them from their friends and family. They forget to look past that one party to see how things could turn out. Or maybe they just don't see the people around them who aren't using drugs.
2. People on drugs use them because they want to escape or relax.
You'll hear a lot of people saying things like "I'm so stressed, I need to get messed up!" or "Drugs help me relax." What they're really saying is "Drinking or doing drugs is just easier than dealing with my problems or reaching out for help." The thing is, the problems are still there when they come down. Not only do they still have to deal with it, they have to deal with it when they're not 100% and they are feeling guilty or even worse when they're not thinking straight.
3. People on drugs use them because they're bored.
Lots of people turn to drugs for a little excitement because they say there's nothing else to do but watch the same Simpsons rerun for the tenth time or hang out at the Burger King. But people who make these kinds of decisions usually find out that drugs are ultimately a painful waste. Drugs don't change the situation, they just might make it worse.
4. People on drugs use them because the media says it's cool.
Even though there's an anti-drug ad on every minute, and more rock stars and ball players than you can shake a stick at tell you to stay away from drugs, the truth is the entertainment world still manages to make drugs appear very attractive. Kind of like how they encourage people to be really skinny even when they say anorexia is bad. Or when they say you should be super muscular but steroids are bad. But if you're wise, you'll understand that the entertainment world is not the real world. Basing your life on these messages is superficial.
5. People on drugs use them because they think it makes them seem grown-up.
This is one of the weirdest reasons. Think about it…Why would an adult want to use drugs? Probably for many of the same reasons you would consider. The reality is that the most grown-up people out there aren't users. They're too busy living their lives to bother with stuff, like drugs, that will interfere.
6. People on drugs use them because they want to rebel.
Sometimes people turn to drugs to make a statement to someone else, such as their families or society in general. Somehow, they think taking drugs makes them outlaws or more individual. The problem is that taking drugs ultimately robs these people of their ability to be independent, because it makes them dependent on drugs and their drug connections.
7. People on drugs use them because they want to experiment.
It's human nature to want to experiment. Trying things out helps you decide if they're right for you. But it's also human nature to avoid things that are obviously bad for you.
8. Excitement!

Only he knows why he uses drugs and might make an excuse for it.

Any reason other than ADDICT is only excuses.

Why do you have the same question posted under relationships?