After 24 years of verbal, emotional,psychological abuse, I divorced ny abusive spouse. He was going to fight me for custody of the 2 teenagers, I could not afford an attorney, I gave him custody. My two teens, a girl, 16 and a boy 18. They both hate me, are verbally abusive to me and extremely disrespectful. According to them, their father is practically perfect and I am a nasty person who has hurt their innocent father.

I become so hurt and so angry when they are verbally abusive to me.

I won't allow them to be abusive to me, when they are rude to me, I let them know that their comments are hurtful and rude.

An example?

Although the 16 yr old cannot pass a drivers' test, she is hyper critical of my driving. I usually ask her how long she has been driving and which state her drivers' license was issued in.

She begins asking me what re-sale shop my clothes came out of and so on.

When I simply do not reply, her reaction is to turn the radio up extremely loud.

My son is just as bad.

I have begun to actually hate these two and am seriously considering moving, not leaving an address for them to contact me at and starting over and just forgetting that I was ever married or had kids.

The teen years are tough, and they've been through allot, you are their mother, so put your foot down and don't let them treat you like this.

As for leaving and forgetting you ever had kids, you don't leave because things get tough, it's called motherhood, and it's a life long commitment, to late to back out now.

Maybe you should consider some counselling for you and your kids, get everything out in the open and find out why they are so negative about you, and why you are about them.

Good luck

In the future, they will become adults. No longer living with him, they may begin to develop their own perceptions of who and what you mean to them. No, don't run from them. Even though it's tempting, so tempting.

Get counselling for yourself. They can do it too but if they do not go, you go. Avoid long interactions with them if possible. Have a plan on how to react to their teenage bullying and stick to it. If they do not back off and treat you with some respect, make them leave. If it's possible, don't help them get to school or whatever.

Wow... Well, to be quite honest... It's partially your fault that they treat you this way. You have let them disrespect you for so long that they see nothing wrong with it and consider it their normal way of communicating with you (I am 18 and I have/will never talk to my mother or father that way because of the way they raised me and pure respect I have for them. Not saying you haven't raised them correctly, but some lines got crossed somewhere). Somewhere in the past, some things got left out. What I mean is, when your husband was treating you like crap, did your kids see that? Did they get a chance to hear both sides of the story? Or, was it just a one sided thing? Seems that way. And about them thinking your ex is perfect... Well, think about this: they spend the majority of their time with him... He sure as heck isn't saying sugary sweet things about you, so that, paired with their already instilled dislike for you, isn't going to get anyone anywhere. And they may possibly feel abandoned because you didn't bother to fight for custody. In my opinion, there needs to be some serious talking and quite a bit of counseling going on before anything starts to improve. And just know that they don't hate you. I can promise you now that they are just hurt and misunderstood (as are you) and until true feelings are brought to surface, nothing is going to get better. And I know for a fact you could never truly hate your children. Good luck.

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Originally Posted by BrendaStarr4

After 24 years of verbal, emotional,psychological abuse, I divorced ny abusive spouse. He was going to fight me for custody of the 2 teenagers, I could not afford an attorney, I gave him custody. My two teens, a girl, 16 and a boy 18. They both hate me, are verbally abusive to me and extremely disrespectful. According to them, their father is practically perfect and I am a nasty person who has hurt their innocent father.

I become so hurt and so angry when they are verbally abusive to me.

I won't allow them to be abusive to me, when they are rude to me, I let them know that their comments are hurtful and rude.

An example?

Although the 16 yr old cannot pass a drivers' test, she is hyper critical of my driving. I usually ask her how long she has been driving and which state her drivers' license was issued in.

She begins asking me what re-sale shop my clothes came out of and so on.

When I simply do not reply, her reaction is to turn the radio up extremely loud.

My son is just as bad.

I have begun to actually hate these two and am seriously considering moving, not leaving an address for them to contact me at and starting over and just forgetting that I was ever married or had kids.

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You know. My 18 yr old does me the same way.I have lived with her dad for 22 yrs now and he has drank all those . And she thinks he does no wrong, and I am the witch, makes no sense to me.now she asks me when am I moving out.. I have always taken care of her.and she treats me like crap. And her dad has mentally abused me for years...

Hi... erm well if you ask me they just don appreciate you n take you for granted. Since your the only one they dare to answer back to they take the chance to let their anger out on u. Well if you suddenly leave one day they will for sure know what they did was wrong cause you are the one who has always been their for them. Im the same age as your son and I normally take my mum and dad for granted but after I sat down and realize everything I know without them ill still end up nothing. Try talking to them and don run from your problem. If my mum ran like tat ill be reli hurt even though I treat her like tat. Good Luck

Blackie~ p/s sorry if I talk crap xD but just don run away from the problems its not the answer for anything

Leaving them is definitely not a good idea, you have to get your respect back
It is important that you are calm and understanding of them

I think for the driving part, just 'pretend' to take her advice on board and maybe ask what you could be doing better, this converstaion couuld help a relationship, people love talking about themselves or what they 'think' know

About the clothes, maybe you could take her shopping one day, buy her some nice clothes, and she could direct you to some nice clothes for yourself

At this point teaching them right from wrong will just make them hate you even more, you could treat them, let them do what they want, clean up their rooms etc.

Getting angry or ingnoring them make them furious, just go with the flow and thing will fall into place

If none of the things that anyone has said works, if it really gets THAT bad , if moving away makes you happy, then that could maybe be the best thing to do


Good luck!!

Don't leave your teens behind. If things are that rough between you and them, then get professional help. Don't blame the teens for their behavior, its your ex husband's fault. If the kids were growing up in that kind of environment, they are going to pick up that same behavior and attitude. All that is needed is a family counsler, its your choice if you would like to include your ex because you don't have to. Hope my advice helps!! :)