My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 2 years. We moved in together after 1 year. He wanted to before that, but I was reluctant in if I knew him well enough. When I met him he didn't have a car. We spent a lot of time at his house. I went to the dealership made some deals to get him a car. I have always been there for him, but I'm what you might call a home body. I thought he was too, but he would leave often enough. Once he got his car I asked him if he would be leaving a lot to go out. He told me he wouldn't. We moved in together a month later. At first he would leave every weekend staying out late, but I thought it was reasonable. THen he stayed out more often and once till 5 in the morning came home drunk. It was that one time I forgave him. He has been leaving a lot and over time told me he wouldn't do it anymore and was working on it. Now he just plain says he is bored and wants to leave whenever he wants and that I'm trapping him. I say if you're in a serious relationship you shouldn't be gone for hours at a time every day. You are committed to someone if you want to be gone all the time you should live a single life and not have moved in with me. He is not doing anything, but watching TV at his uncles house. What is so important there that if I'm the love of his life he can't ask me to do something before he decides he is bored and just wants to leave. I don't care that he leaves I just don't understand what's so boring about our home and why he has to leave at least 4-7 days a week. Am I being unreasonable? Thanks

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 2 years. We moved in together after 1 year. He wanted to before that, but I was reluctant in if I knew him well enough. When I met him he didn't have a car. We spent a lot of time at his house. I went to the dealership made some deals to get him a car. I have always been there for him, but I'm what you might call a home body. I thought he was too, but he would leave often enough. Once he got his car I asked him if he would be leaving a lot to go out. He told me he wouldn't. We moved in together a month later. At first he would leave every weekend staying out late, but I thought it was reasonable. THen he stayed out more often and once till 5 in the morning came home drunk. It was that one time I forgave him. He has been leaving a lot and over time told me he wouldn't do it anymore and was working on it. Now he just plain says he is bored and wants to leave whenever he wants and that I'm trapping him. I say if you're in a serious relationship you shouldn't be gone for hours at a time every day. You are committed to someone if you want to be gone all the time you should live a single life and not have moved in with me. He is not doing anything, but watching TV at his uncles house. What is so important there that if I'm the love of his life he can't ask me to do something before he decides he is bored and just wants to leave. I don't care that he leaves I just don't understand what's so boring about our home and why he has to leave at least 4-7 days a week. Am I being unreasonable? Thanks

I just typed this all out and then lost it when they combined posts
Hope I can remember everything.

I take it you put the car in his name... bad move.

Many guys do feel trapped sitting at home but he should be taking you out sometimes and considering your needs and working on your relationship.
Going to sit at his uncles to watch TV and not taking you anywhere
Yet he can sit in his uncles and not be bored
Not considering what you want or need
He is not the one that is trapped
YOU ARE the one that IS trapped.
I'd be telling him to take you sometimes or pack his bags and tell him to move in with his uncle since he likes it there so much better!

So 4-7 days a week he won't come home, just for fun outside or work is part of it ?

He comes home he will just be gone for about 4 or 5 hours and it got to the point where he had left 7 days in a row just to do "nothing". THe car is his he makes payments and we do things together I just feel disrespected that I feel like he is never home. What if I was to have kids with him, I don't expect to be home with the kids all the time and he just leave whenever and his family smokes a lot so I wouldn't want him to take any kids with him over his uncles. IS it wrong for me to expect him not to leave 4-5 days just to be gone. I feel like he is training me. If in the future anything was going on outside our relationship I wouldn't know cause its normal. I told him he could live another life in the time he is gone from the house.

No it is not wrong. He should realize he is not putting much effort into your relationship.
You are right about him training you it is called give him an inch and he will take a mile.

You should buy your own car and leave when you feel like it.

Can I just ask what does he do for living? You said you are home body so you don't work?

NO I work in a lab actually and I'm going to school to finish my chemistry degree. I just go t done with a summer session so normally I might be studying in the fall or spring he'll leave when I do that. I guess I didn't expect it when I'm not in school plus I'm tired of it anyway. I have a car I can leave also I just don't think you should ask a person to move in with you if you intend to be gone all the time. I feel that is disrespectful. And I believe that being in love with someone means you don't look at them say you're bored then go watch TV over someone else's house. I'm not trying to say he can't do what he wants, but at the same time I think he should be thinking of me when he makes decisions. We have had our problems all related to him bringing other people into the relationship going to lunch with women on regular basis and them falling for him and not telling me. I found a letter some woman wrote to him. On top of all the problems. He is 11 years older than me and almost 40. I expect more mature behavior from him. Why does he need to leave all the time if he is bored. He almost never ask me to do anythign and I every time we do something I plan it.

Considering his type of work, when he comes home he's maybe so exhausted and just want to relax. He comes to his uncle because he needs male companion to share interests that youmay not relate to. He's bored, maybe that's true.

Just a suggestion:

Can you talk about this to him calmly? If you think you will sound emotional, just write him a letter, like the way you write here. Do not read his mind just say how you feel. Try to sound objective and not confrontational. Tell him since the two of you both work IT IS ONLY DUE THAT HE SHOULD SHARE CHORES. He got a partner not a maid.

Since you are not as bored as him, be busy too so you will be as occupied as him.Tell him you feel neglected. He got a partner not a dog who will just wait for him. LAso His last cheating should be the last.

Observe cahnge, if nothing, move out!

Hell No!!
You Are Not Being Unreasonable... I Will Give You Three Reasons...

1. Because He Keeps Throwing That Guilt Trip On You So You Can Blame Yourself For Him Being Bored Because He Simply Wants To Do What He Wants To Do.

2. Because He Is Supposed To Be Committed To You , Not The Late Nights That He Loves So Very Much.

3. I Don't Think He Is Ready For A Real Relationship Because He Does What Singles Do All The Time, Except He Is Doing It In His Spare Time In The Car You Got Him!!

Girl, Keep Your Head Up And Do You Is My Advice To You.

I guess you could say this is a preview of life with him ,but what stands out, is his unwillingness to work with you to solve your problems to the benefit of you both. That's a deal breaker, as well as the cheating. You two don't even sound compatible over the long run.

Just to clear things up, living together is only a commitment as far as you have agreed on goals and boundaries. Obviously you haven't. Kids are out of the question.

You are not being unreasonable, he is. But I wonder if he knows how much this is hurting you. Let your feelings be heard because this is insensitive behavior.

You are still young and the future is still burning bright whatever happens.