Can someone help me? On may 22nd, my boyfriend broke up with me. It was the worst day of my life. I still love him so much. But its so hard for me to talk to him because I don't want him to see how much I still love him. I'm always here for him, and he knows it but he doesn't appreciate what I do for him. He tells me he still loves me but the he tells my friend that "its fading". And he asks me for help to ask out this girl and his feelings for her. And I help him, I try to be a good ex. But he doesn't take my advice. Someone else gives him the same advice,and then he listens. And! He was too afraid to tell the girl his feelings for her, so I did it for him, by his consent of course. Now, as I look back, I realized I never gave enough of myself to him.. but I gave all I had. Every time I said "i love you" hed soften and hed sound pleasantly surprised. I guess I never said it enough, but I thought I said it many many times, with feeling and emotion. I still love him, and I'm extremely depressed and angry all the time now because I realize how many mistakes I made while with him. I'm so confused. And hurt, and I feel so alone. I need to know if he still cares about me at all, and what I should do. Help me.. :(

The only way to know for sure how he feels about you is to ask him. If you feel that strongly for him why would you try to hook him up with someone else? Don't do it for him, you need to think of yourself and put yourself and your feelings first.

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Originally Posted by confused1145

The only way to know for sure how he feels about you is to ask him. If you feel that strongly for him why would you try to hook him up with someone else? Don't do it for him, you need to think of yourself and put yourself and your feelings first.

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I want him to be happy though. Its not like I'm trying to get rid of him. Aren't I doing the right thing by trying to make him happy? He likes this girl and I want him to be happy. Is what I am doing wrong?

He heard you every time you said "I love you." He heard you loud and clear. There is NO reason to believe repeating that phrase MORE would've worked any magic in your relationship, none at all. You need to stop looking for ways you might've not lost him and start working on actual reality.

You want HIM to be happy? How about a little selfish love here, first? You're focusing on how much you miss him and want him back as if that would benefit you in any way. It won't. You DO need to go after what you want, but you need to first fix your "want".

Don't you want to be in a relationship that is growing?
Don't you want to be with a guy who is spending time pursuing YOU and YOUR interests?
Don't you want to pampered and honored and cherished?
Don't you want to be admired?

Do you think you'd get any of those things with him now? Maybe once, but now?

Listen to him. He's moved on and slipped you nicely into the friend zone. The only reason you stay there at all is because you're 100% fine with being there.

Sounds like you're not. I wouldn't spend any more time in his friend zone until you're completely over your need to "have" him. Probably won't be until well into your next relationship.

My two cents.

My ex wrote me a really sweet message asking to fix his mistake of breaking up with me. I still loved him so my ex and I got back together. And we shared a really deep conversation. He told me how he felt about me and that he still loves me, even more now. And I told him how I have always loved him, even after he had broken up with me the last time. Everything was back to normal, he was making me smile and laugh and blush like usual and I was helping him express his thoughts. He asked me to help, so I helped. I comforted him and helped him in everyway possible. He was so grateful to me. But listen to this. When he had broken up with me before, I had talked to the girl he left me for. I told her to make him happy, because that's all I wanted for him. I tried so hard to make him happy, I gave my all. So I asked her to make him happy, to help him like I did. But she was indifferent to him. So he had gotten back together with me. Two days past, and we were deep in love once again. Out of the blue, the girl decided to give him a chance. So he left me again, very unwillingly and regretful, and went back to her. And they are in a stand still now. I talked to the girl and she said "ive been thinking about how you said for me to make him happy. so im going to give him a chance. and who knows? it might work." I suppose it was my fault he broke up with me again. Why did she all of a sudden decide to give him a chance? Does he still love me like he keeps telling me? Is he going to come back to me again? If so, what should I do? I love him so much and I can't see myself with anyone but him. He's the only one who has made me smile and laugh like I do when I'm around him. He constantly reminds me he loves me. Help me. What is going on? What should I do?

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Originally Posted by ally790

so he left me again, very unwillingly and regretful, and went back to her

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She paid him big bucks to come back to her? She threatened to tell all his secrets? She has him chained to her? He just couldn't help himself?

Please explain.

You didn't bring that upon yourself. It just happened you got inconsiderate, thick faced guy.You are so nice dear, do you know that?
So for someone who treats you like a spare tire? Sure you can see yourself with anyone else!

Hon, if he truly loved you he wouldn't do something like that to you.. that is beyond betrayal in my opinion.. all the trust is gone.. so say this girl ends up dumping him again and he comes back to you again.. and things go back to normal.. what happens if another girl comes along that catches his eye.. what's going to stop him from leaving you again?

He's using you.. when he doesn't have anyone he comes back to you..

I hope you have more self respect than that.. this man is walking all over you and thinks he can have you anytime.. why are you letting him do this to you? It is so unfair to yourself to wait around for someone like that.. I'm almost mad writing this that you are letting this happen.

Step one.. completly ignore him and MOVE ON! Heal and go out and meet new people.. when you get the late night text from him, delete it.. don't answer to him anymore.. he's clearly made his choice so make him live with that choice..

WonderGirl-
He still loved me, but he liked her too. He has liked for a longer time than me. He was regretful because he didn't want to hurt me again. Which he did however. He wanted to "try something new" I guess, but he still tells me he loves me, yet he left for this girl he only likes. Does that help? If not, ill try and explain more.

You ignore him. He tries to talk to you. You continue to ignore him. You avoid places he hangs out at, and thus avoid him. He leaves messages on your phone, tells you how sorry he is and how much he loves you. He wants to date both you and the other girl to make sure of how he feels.

Now what do you do?

The truth is, he likes her more that's why he goes back to her over and over and you're just his second great spare tire.You deserve more than that, draw the line!

Wondergirl-
I think I get what you're going at. He should know how he feels about me. I'm not an experiment or a toy and I'm not going to be played. Is that what you mean?

Yea that's what she means.. I truly don't think he loves you like he says he does girl... or he wouldn't have done that to you in first place!!!!! did you get that?? Yea it hurts but it's the truth

If I truly loved someone and I hurt them badly it would hurt my soul to see them sad... see the difference?

ylaira-
So, in your opinion, I'm just something to him that he can come back to when she leaves him? And when someone else comes around, he's going to leave again?

plonak-
I think you're right. I wouldn't do that to someone I loved over and over again. I wouldn't be able to bear it. I see the difference. So I am just a "spare tire"?

Thanks everyone! I really appreciate all of your help! I'm really glad you guys helped me out! :)

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Originally Posted by ally790

ylaira-
so, in your opinion, im just something to him that he can come back to when she leaves him? and when someone else comes around, hes going to leave again?

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He did that to you twice so my answer is yes. You seem so nice and trusting (and gullible) that's why he's confident to do same things over and over. That's enough dear. Don't be taken away next time he'll have glitch with that girl.Love shouldn't hurt, always remember that.

It sounds like you're so caught up worrying about making sure he's happy that you're not really thinking about yourself. Why did you tell the girlfriend that you want him to be happy when you were upset about the break up? Because you'll look like the 'bigger better person'?
Stand up for yourself- ignore him, or have a talk with him if you so wish, but make your position clear. He sound confused and spineless, he can't make up his mind so tells each side what they want to hear.

For him, it would be called "having his cake and eating it too."

Walk away without a backward glance -- and stick to your guns! There's a wonderful guy out there waiting for you.

If he loved you like he claims he would be by your side and not by her side. He just want to string along because you're his safety net. He knows that you would take him back no matter what. This was the old you.

The new you should leave him alone and let him stay where he's at. Don't allow him to decide when he want to be in or out of your life, you choose. You will no longer wait on the side lines for him and play second to no one. You deserve to be treated with respect, love, and like a queen. You will no longer let him cause you pain and pain will only be cause by you. You love yourself more than anything and especially more than someone who don't.

Today is new day and you need to break this cycle. You will fine someone that will make you laugh and smile and above all not want to hurt you. Let him stay where he's at and leave him alone and think positive because you never know what the future will hold, with someone else of cause.