Okay this guy is a friend of my husband. I guess you can say a family friend. He's 28, just landed a great career but had to relocate here because of his job. We all did. He left behind a girlfriend that is willing to move over with him after she's done with the semester.

I have BBQ's and dinners all the time with these guys and their families. I noticed this guy friend having to pick up and abruptly leave every time he came over. Come to find out it was his girlfriend. I felt so bad for him cause she really gets upset when he's out. Even if it's just next door to have a bite to eat. We are his neighbors and he never leaves his apartment unless he's going to blockbuster or go workout.

My husband and him carpool everyday together to work and back. Yesterday morning he called us and said his girlfriend was at the airport. He had know clue she was coming over and had to call in sick to pick her up. Later that evening he called us again to ask how we got married. Because my husband and I were married through the JP. Supposedly she gave him an ultimatum and said he had to marry her now.
This morning I saw him dressed and ready to go to work with my husband but he seemed so sad. He didn't even want to look me in the eyes when I said Hi. It almost looked like he wanted to cry.
I know it might not be any of my business but I feel like giving him advise and being there for him. He's all alone out here. He's a great person. Very good looking, great personality and super religious. He loves his job, but I'm scared he'll make some bad decisions because of this girl. What should I tell him? How should I say it?

Oh and I don't think they got married. But I know she left back home already. By the way we've only known each other for about 9 months. Should I say anything?

Hi, sumin,
If you want to risk losing a friend of your husband's, then tell the friend that he is making a big mistake with this girl. She is so jealous that she can't see straight.
I see nothing wrong in giving the friend some encouragement that things will get better, but maybe not with his girl. He needs to do some serious thinking about her, and what he wants out of life.
If your husband starts missing too much of his own work because of his friend, then I would definitely talk with your husband. I do wish you the best, and good luck.

9 months…plenty of time to give a friend advice.

Go for it……keep in mind though that if he doesn't want to see it, he won't.

Another option is to perhaps have your husband talk to him first or second. Both of you perhaps should talk to him separately. Who do you think he will be more receptive too?

Perhaps you both can talk to him separately.

It is not wrong for you to give a friend some advice.

But, after you do, if he doesn't agree with you and goes and marry's her or whatnot, then let it be. Because if you pursue it then, then you will just potentially lose him as a friend.

As a married woman you should give him advice through your husband in order to prevent complications arising from possible misinterpretations based perhaps on wishful thinking under duress.

Talk to the guy.

As a guy who did stupid, stupid, (for emphasis) STOOPID things for love I wish a few of my friends had the guts to tell me it was really wacked.

Doesn't mean I'd listen. Doesn't mean I'd even be gracious in accepting the info... but give the guy a shot. Its not like things will magically get better if they get married.

Well now I know I should say something and go with my gut feeling. But I'm not sure what to say and how to phrase it without offending him.
I don't want him to think I want to break them up and I don't know how to explain that his girlfriend is a bad thing when I haven't even met her myself. It's an aweful thing to see him on the verge of tears over this type of girl.

Why were they considering getting married so abruptly? Are they in some sort of "trouble" if you get my drift? It sounds like this woman is very controlling and he tolerates it. It probably wouldn't be a bad idea for you or your husband to tactfully approach the subject. Be delicate since it is a personal matter but try to find out exactly what's going on. Don't judge or criticize but point out that he doesn't seem very happy with this woman in his life and try to get him to tell you why she is. There may be a situation that's leaving him overwhelmed and you and your husband may be in a position to help once you know all the facts.

Hi So sorry I didn't respond more quick.

But I did speak to my friend Neighbor and he said that his girlfriend/fiancee came over that weekend to tell him that they couldn't get married.
He said he really loves her so much and she said the same to him, but she told him. That she had prayed a lot to God to ask about her long distance relationship and to give her a sign. She told him that she received signs and advice in her prayers telling her that she should not get married and there will be other people in their lives that they meet and will marry.
My friend said he wanted to marry her so badly that he called asking how he can get married that night. But it was too late. Nobody could marry them and she had to fly out the next day.
I asked him about the Ultimatum and he said that she gave him an ultimatum a couple of weeks before that night. Saying that he had to marry her or else. He told me there was no way he couldv'e married her during that time.

So she told him that they will still have a relationship but and open one so they can continue to talk to each other and share their love, and be able to meet new people so they can find their real soulmate.
He really believes her and accepting everything whe has to say. He said he will put his hands in God and in his faith and just pray.
WOW!
Hope you guys could follow me as I was trying to explain. It's kind of hard to understand but there it is.
Thanks for your help
Talk to you all soon
Sumi

Wow - the poor guy! That's really sad. I truly hope that is his girlfriends faith and what she truly believes and that she is not just using it as an excuse! I really feel for the guy.

All you can do is keep his mind occupied and hang out with him.

I have become friends with my boyfriends Mate and he has just come out of a 3yr relationship and finding life pretty hard. But I am giving him good advice to actually motivate him to do all the things he wants to do and achieve whathe wants to achieve in life while he can - I have told him once he has his life sorted and he is content with his life and himself, then everything else will fall into place. Other than that we invite him round loads, and invite him out with us when we go out and just generally take his mind off everything and have a good time. It also allows my boyfriends mate to meet new people!

He is very appreciative and it is helping him tremendously!

Yeah a lot of what she says, to me, really sounds like a load of crap. But who am I to say she didn't speak to God. Maybe she did.

I can't really tell him bluntly what I think cause he really is deeply in love with her and respects her. But I think she's just trying to take advantage of his religious beliefs and brainwashing him into staying around while she meets all these new guys.
Like he said before she gave him an ultimatum, so it's not a coincidence that she's breaking up with him now,. sort of breaking up with him now.
I'll do my best in trying to keep his mind off it, but like they say
'You can't sweep back the Ocean'
If he loves her there's nothing I or anybody can really do.

Speak of the Devil, I just heard him get in from work. That means my hubby is home too. Got to go
Thanks for chatting

Quote:

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Originally Posted by suminjavi

Yeah a lot of what she says, to me, really sounds like a load of crap. But who am I to say she didn't speak to God. Maybe she did.

I can't really tell him bluntly what I think cause he really is deeply in love with her and respects her. But I think she's just trying to take advantage of his religious beliefs and brainwashing him into staying around while she meets all these new guys.
Like he said before she gave him an ultimatum, so it's not a coincidence that she's breaking up with him now,...sort of breaking up with him now.
I'll do my best in trying to keep his mind off of it, but like they say
'You can't sweep back the Ocean'
If he loves her there's nothing I or anybody can really do.

Speak of the Devil, I just heard him get in from work. That means my hubby is home too. Gotta go
Thanks for chatting

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Well I live by the notion "A good friend is an honest one" - I am always blunt with my friends, I always tell them how it is, rather than what they want it to be. That's why my friends will always come to me than others, because they trust and respect that I will be honest.

I don't see being blunt and upfront with him will hurt. Yiou just have to pick your words carefully and make your sincerity shines through.

I always tell my brother exactly what I think, especially when he is doing something that is going to end up hurting him in some way. He might shout at me and tell me to shut up - but after a week of him processing what I have said, he sees I am right and will start talking to me again. (He would never admit it mind). You just have to be cruel to be kind sometimes. You always get thanked in the end.