Can anyone tell me why men (yes I know women do too) look at porn? I am in a relationship where my husband has to travel a lot and I know he looks at this stuff (soft-core). He denies it though. I know men have different needs than women, should I be offended? This isn't personal, is it? Why do I feel hurt? Any opinions? Thanks.

I would safely wager it's not personal.. men generally seem to be more visually stimulated than women, and a lot of men like to look at naked pictures of women. Then again, some men, just don't bother.
If it offends you, it offends you. You can't change your feelings on that. You can decide to accept it if you think it's not going to affect your relationship with your husband. But you can't stop him looking at what he wants to. Perhaps he denies it because he knows it hurts you and still wants to do his own thing?
In my opinion a lot of women are hurt by this. Many women don't understand the "betrayal" of their man looking at other women and getting aroused by it, and many men don't understand their female partner's upset at this betrayal. I have been in relationships with men who were into porn, and to be honest, it disgusted me. But that's where I stand on it for myself. I don't have a problem with a man being turned on by nude pictures, hey it shows he's got a libido after all! I just would choose not to be with someone who actively bought/watched porn regularly. It's not my thing. BUT - the "acceptability" of this is also something that's culturally bound. I'm from Ireland - Playboy magazine was only sold here for the first time less than 15 years ago! Lots of women have problems with the nude pics issue - we're just wired up differently - and tend to be emotionally connected to what stimulates us. It doesn't work that way for blokes... or am I wrong gentlemen?

Hi, aqua,
You have a right to feel hurt. If your husband has a "need" to look at porn, and will not explain to you "why", then there is some communication issues.
It's somewhat normal for some men to look at naked women, but if you have a problem with it, talk honestly with him. If he still denies it, then you might consider both of you going to a Marriage Counselor, if he will go.
If not, your only other choice is to just do the best you can. Best of luck.

Yes Father chuck, I would have thought so. It seems most men here in Irl don't look at porn, but I'm not sure what the "social norm" seems to be in the US, as we have had a fairly strong connection with church and state.
Aqua, how about suggesting an alternative for when your husband is out of town, like some nice, steamy, faithful phone calls to each other?

I'm one of those guys that likes sexy models and even some soft-porn, perhaps similar to your husband, so I'll give you my perspective:

I think every woman is beautiful. I'm not rude and I don't gawk, but I notice women. There are many combinations of the female form – I may notice one woman's eyes, another's hair, maybe facial features, or aspects of their body… lots of things catch my eye.

Extrapolate from that perspective… Models pose in sexy clothing or lingerie, give playful or teasing looks, and peeks of themselves! It's beautiful… fun… and enjoyable!

I think of it as being very similar to enjoying art. It's something visual that is stimulating and thought provoking. It's probably a lot like enjoying wine, or even a good book.

Men coming from my perspective are not drowning themselves in fantasy about sex with the model. We're not “comparing” women. We simply see something in every woman has potential to make her a sexy model, and we enjoy seeing that.

I love my wife, and think she is super sexy! She knew when we met that I was this kind of guy, and she knows that while I may notice other women - or look at the lingerie models in FHM - I'm not about to break my commitment to her.

Thank you for the great answers thus far. Phillysteak, you sound a lot like my husband. Thank you all. I welcome all opinions. I think it's important for me to know that I'm not being "compared". Thanks and keep them coming please.

I really don't know how to describe the desire to look at women fully clothed, nude or in porn movies. I will give you one thing to think about. Every time my wife and I are driving and we see a wreck, whether it be a bad wreck or a fender bender I am all nosy and want to stop and see what is going on, my wife says no don't stop I don't want to see what has happened. I know this is a stretch for you to associate but it just shows the difference in our likes.
I look at most females. It is not a thing about desire, or comparing it is just looking.
Something you might do someday is go to a site that shows nude or simi nude females and call you mate in and discuss the site. Ask questions of him, does he like the blonde, does he like the tall girl or the short one, You may be surproised at what he has to say.

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Originally Posted by aqua@home

Can anyone tell me why men (yes I know women do too) look at porn? I am in a relationship where my husband has to travel a lot and I know he looks at this stuff (soft-core). He denies it though. I know men have different needs than women, should I be offended? This isn't personal, is it? Why do I feel hurt? Any opinions? Thanks.

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is it personal? I seriously doubt it. Unless your relationship has some distance that you haven't described, I would not take this as a challenge to his attraction to you.

should you be offended? That's completely up to you.

my wife and I had a bit of an argument once when I wound up at a site that had some semi and nude pics of women. The guy down the block remodels 60's & 70's classic cars. I yahoo'd a car he was working on to look for images. Found the images and turned out the site also had some pics of women and I looked at a few. Next day she saw the link off the browser dropdown arrow while online and saw the pics and became upset. We had an argument.

she asked me why I looked at the semi and nude pics... and part of what I said was similar to one of the previous posts. Its kind of like the train wreck... just was curious. Was I mentally aroused? Sure. Did I think "man i wish my wife looked like that"? Absolutely not. I've also seen pretty violent and graphic, non sexual vids concerning warfare. She doesn't get why I'd look at that. I have an irish temper from time to time, but its not like I'm an outwardly violent guy. Its just a dumb curiousity I guess.

I've never gone to a strip club. Were I to suddenly be in one would I be curious. Sure. I understand how that is seen as denigrating... it's the reason I've not been. But I do think the female body is absolutely gorgeous. You ladies get hairy, gruff guys with callouses and dry skin to look at. So not fair.

a girlfriend once found a playboy I had in my apt when I was in college. She wasn't mad, but asked "is this what you like" holding it open to the girl in the centerfold. Eh. Not really. A little. It was a curiousity thing. I cannot even remember the pictures.

if I see a woman on the street that I think is really attractive it hits this mental reflex, this absolute primal desire... it is instant, intense, and something I think most guys just live with to some degree. Doesn't mean I'm going to cheat. I do my best to respect others. I'm not the guy talking to your chest or making lewd sexual jokes. I do my best not to covet (hear that God?) =)

so I guess I'd say don't feel threatened unless there are some other issues going on here. Yeah... find that "threatened" button and turn it off... I know its not that easy.

in fact, the only thing I'd be really worried about is if he's using a company computer to access this while traveling. I know a lady who was fired for receiving and forwarding such material. Usually with humorous overtones, but still an inappropriate use of company resources.

Firstly, I think that as may be for him, he may feel shy about saying it because not all gutys are very open as for me may be I will do the same because of shyness but not every one feels the same so I cannot say that mine is right. I think you should understand him more in his character wise as you will know whether it is his natural self as I mention above.

My husband is in the army and often away from me, while after his last deployment porn was a big issue with us, after I explained how it hurt me that he would look at that so often he understood and made a real effort to tone it down a lot. I don't deny him porn while he is away but I also make him videos and pics just for him so if he has to look at something it can be me. Just let him know that you understand why but that it hurts you

Okay, I'm guilty, naked females pictures or the real thing catch my eye,but after a look and maybe a "man phrase " or two its back to reality. To be honest I can't figure why women would be threaten by porn knowing good and well us men look but most of us are easily distacted any way. Just me but I don't think you should be worried about hubby checking out a little porn when he's away, its probably a temporary distraction,so ease up on the poor guy he's probably bored without you. To tell the truth who has time to spend just looking at females HMMMMM... no wonder my wife keeps me busy, anyway all things in moderation too much of anything can be bad for you.(My leash doesn't reach the strip clubs anyway):cool: :D

LOL... That is great talaniman! Thanks, it's just good to know that it's not me as I will never be a size 2 and I don't think that's even what he wants. Thanks

Ok, I think I can safely make a comparison, this may just be a cultural thing, but my girlfriend and her sister have no problem going "oh patrick swazee(sp?) is so gorgeous" or something like that when I'm in the room. Oogling the stars, it drives me nuts, at best its annoying, but at worst its downright emasculating (for me, I think I'm a bit over-sensitive though). But of course what she's said when I got upset was "cmon, its a movie star, its not like i'm going to do anything with them" (still bugs me a bit but that's a different story) but I suppose there's a connection to be made between the two things.

I love porn, plain and simple, it probably has a lot to do with the fact that I'm an 18 year old dude and my girlfriend can't always satisfy me(well, sexually, I hope that doesn't sound bad, you understand what I mean right?) and that's where pornography comes into play, I wouldn't cheat on my girlfriend in a million years... heck, ever... if thirty of the most voluptous porn stars in the world tried to have me, I wouldn't, I'm 100% loyal, and yet, I enjoy the porn.

I suppose some of the imagery wasn't really necessary, but The point is, don't be offended by your husband's interest in porn, it should definitely not be threatening to you, I suppose your other sensibilities could be offended though, but I just want you to know that you don't have to be worried.

(I think I recapped a lot of the other posts... )

Cheers
-Dan