My daughter ( 20 years old )has managed to steal thousands of dollars in cash I had locked in a safe. She promised that it would never happen again, and she would repay it. That was five months ago and now I just discovered she has take a book of my checks and written checks for thousands more. The amount is close to 15,000 dollars. Her mother and I both love her but are at a loss as to what we should do. Any help would be appreciated. Thank You.

I would be suspected drugs. Honestly. Don't let her into your house anymore. If you do not want to turn her into the authorities for this at the very least do not let her in your house.

Banks can help watch for forged signatures and unauthorized use of your money. Ask the bank what is available to help prevent this from happening again. The money she has taken may not come back to you. Prevent future losses.

A friend of mine had her checking account protected. Her ex-husband stole a check and tried to get it cashed, he was arrested on the spot. If you can keep excess cash in a safe deposit box at the bank she probably can't get into it without your authorization.

She is your child and is having a rough time with right and wrong. Love her anyway, but protect your assets.

I suggest an intervention. Find out why she is doing this, and let her know you are there. You love her, and want to help her.

My daughter has done similar things to me financially. She is 19. Maybe they do know right from wrong but they're still kids at that age, and our children. I think ChihuahuaMomma is right, an intervention may be appropriate if drugs are the issue.

Even if drugs are not the issue, I think whatever is going on with an intervention can help. Gather everyone that she loves and respects and love and respects her...

Sorry I have a little more hard love, call the police and have her put in jail where criminals belong.

Jail doesn't teach anyone a lesson. And it will make her hate her parents, just one more reason to rebel. They need to find the root of the problem and fix it.

I did the same thing to my mom when I was a little younger than she is... I wanted attention from my mom and was "punishing" her for abandoning me after my dad died... at least that's what my therapist says! Have the account closed and don't tell her. If you don't take some serious action, you may not be the one to send her to jail...

Its her own problem if she hates her parents for doing what the law would require for any stranger that had stolen the money from her parents.

The daughter stole the money, bottom line. She should have to pay for her consequences.

If I had stolen the money from them and they didn't know me from a hole in the ground regardless of if I needed the money for drugs or for a medical condition they would throw me in jail.

I'm 18 and if I were this girl and my parents sent me to jail, yes I'd be angry, but I know they'd have every right to do so. 15,000! This girl needs some tough love. How could anyone steal so much money from someone that they love and has supported her all her life?

I don't know... It's normal for teens to steal... but at that age... AND FROM HER OWN PARENTS? I know you may think she's too old to be punished, but you're still her parents and it's your responcibility to take care of the issue. Either be harsh on her or turn her in to the authorities, or she'll continue to do this to you and may even begin to do it to others who won't be as merciful as you.

Harrokitty:

It's NORMAL for teens to steal?. since... when?! I never stole when I was a teen. Even then, it's not OK to steal simply because it's "normal"

If she took $20 out of your purse, that's one thing. If she took 15,000... that's another. In fact, I believe that's a felony. I have to agree with fr_chuck on this one. Just talking to her won't do jack... she's 20, which means she's fully capable of understanding that this is wrong. Will she hate you if you send her to jail? Most likely... but really, who the heck is she to blame for that?

If my parents found me taking... maybe $1000 from them... I'd either end up in jail or... actually, my parents think the jail system is crap. I'd end up as a lump in their backyard.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

harrokitty:

it's NORMAL for teens to steal? ...since...when?!? I never stole when I was a teen. Even then, it's not ok to steal simply because it's "normal"

If she took $20 out of your purse, that's one thing. If she took 15,000...that's another. In fact, I believe that's a felony. I have to agree with fr_chuck on this one. just talking to her won't do jack...she's 20, which means she's fully capable of understanding that this is wrong. Will she hate you if you send her to jail? Most likely...but really, who the heck is she to blame for that?

If my parents found me taking...maybe $1000 from them...I'd either end up in jail or...actually, my parents think the jail system is crap. I'd end up as a lump in their backyard.

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Perhaps normal wasn't a good choice of words... Common? Yes, stealing is wrong, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. And I said she deserves to be punished. I'd tell the police.

There is a large difference between taking the change off the counter or 20 dollars from dads wallet ( which still is not normal, but happens still at times) but this is grand theft a major felony, it is stealing 1000's of dollars. The person doing this is a hard core criminal or they have serious mental issues not knowing right from wrong. A person who steals this much needs to be in jail like the criminal they are.

As much as an intervention would be great - this girl has blown way past an intervention. She needs to be arrested and plopped in jail and do some heavy thinking in jail. I disagree that jail does not do anyone any good. I think it DOES do a person a lot of good. It makes them think as there is virtually nothing else to do in jail except think. The fact that the parents are out of this money I feel sorry for them BUT letting daughter skip on down the road thinking that she can take whatever she wants from whoever she wants and not have to fess up to her crime(s) is not right. We cannot let criminals keep doing the same things over and over again without being punished. Sorry. The world does not work that way. Her parents need to decide to have her daughter punished by the authorities.

I once knew a girl who did the same thing - take a checkbook from her own parents and write thousands of dollars worth of checks (and yes, it was for drugs for her and her boyfriend). Well, she served about a year in jail. During the whole time she was in county jail her two parents and brothers and sisters came and visited her every visiting day! It gave the daughter a different respect for her parents and what they taught her by not letting her get away with her crime. They were very well off financially and didn't really miss $20K (can't imagine being that rich to not miss 20K) but anyway, it was not easy for the entire family to go through this but they did. Now their daughter has changed her life around completely and resumed going to college and is now holding a good job some 5 years later.

Getting back to your daughter. By not pressing charges you are just sending a wrong signal to her that you will put up with anything she can dish out or dream up to pull on you or the rest of the world. Time to give her a slice of reality and how to be a real person in an adult world.

Get her to sign a promisary note, and take her to court if she misses one payment. If she refuse, call the cops.

20 is old enough to deal with the consequenses of her actions.