My girlfriend says she loves me but isn’t in love with me, but still wants to get mar
Hi, I’m 20 and my girlfriend is 22. We have been together for about two years. When I first met her, she had just gone through a terrible breakup with a verbally abusive boyfriend. What made it worse was that she had really fallen for this boy, and swore that she had never and probably would never feel that way about anyone again. I made the mistake of chasing her then, instead of giving her the time that I’m sure she needed to find herself again.
At that time, she said she didn’t want a relationship, but I persisted and we spent a lot of time together, until she got over that relationship. When things started getting serious, although she said she wanted to be with me when we were alone, and would get very jealous at the slightest mention of another girl, she still maintained that I was her boyfriend, but she wasn’t my girlfriend. Of course I told her that I could not accept that, she told me that that was all she had to offer to anyone at that time.
Some time passed and though we had the few normal arguments, things settled between us. She told me that she loved me and was sure that we would get married. But then she began to get controlling and I found that I hardly spent any time with my friends anymore. My friends also told me that they hardly saw me anymore and I realized that I spent all my time with her, and stopped doing all of the things I once enjoyed doing.
It’s not that I didn’t enjoy spending time with her but I found that we never did anything, just ate and watched television, and that is not me.
So I told her about my concerns, and told her that I could not take this treatment anymore (she gets very abusive and degrading when she is angry). We both broke down and cried, and she said that she wanted me to be her boyfriend (and she my girlfriend).
Since then, things got better and I had to help her through a very stressful period and be very supportive. I thought that things had truly gotten better, but then she dropped the news on me that she is attracted to someone else. She still claims that she loves me and wants to get married, but she doesn’t feel attracted to me in the same way. Furthermore, she told me that she wanted to explore her feelings for him. She also said that I should be understanding and that in the end I would have her and that is all that matters.
She says she is sure that she will get married to me and says that she would consider it cheating if I was interested in anyone else since I told her that I really love her, which I do, and while I am not interested in anyone else except for her, I feel like she is keeping me on a string while she explores her options. I told her this and she said that I should not worry and that I should be happy for her and support her if she does feel that way about someone since she hasn’t since her last ex. I told her I could support her as a friend but not her boyfriend and she is adamant that she wants me to stay committed to her.
Recently she told me that the guy doesn’t want a relationship with her and she didn’t want a long term relationship with him because he is a ‘badboy’ but she just liked him and now she is sulking because she wants him to like her. She says that she has settled for me and wants to get married to me because she loves me and I’m the best person for her, but she is just is not in love with me. I would love to be with her, but I’m definitely not sure if I’m willing to settle for that.
I’ve already written way too much and I still feel like I have so much more to explain. I guess I just needed to vent since I haven’t told any of this to my friends since I’m sure they would flip. I would really appreciate any advice...
Thanks,
SheConfusesMe
