If I'm not attracted to a guy 4 weeks after meeting him, I'll never like him. I've rejected many guys who were out of my league and would make wonderful lovers, simply because I didn't know how to go from the friendship phase to the dating phase. Like if someone has really strong feelings for me, and I don't have any for them, I freak out and get really nervous... why am I this way?

I want them to pursue me and convince me that I am interested in them, but when they are shy and reserved and take my first refusal to date them as a sign of rejection, I get disappointed but I can't be any other way.

Don't worry, TRUST ME! I know what your feeling. In my case, I realized that its because I get nervous as well. The idea of another bieng have very strong feelings for and I do not for them... is kind of scary. I think I avoid the 'dating phase' because it just complicates things. You might not want to date them simply because they like you, when you don't like them. At the same time, even though you don't move a single finger... by not reciprocating that attraction... your hurting them. Rejection is a terrible thing... for anybody. No one wants to be rejected. Sometimes, when your in a situation like yours, having guys approach you makes you very uncomfortable. You don't know what to say, you don't know how to turn them down gently with hurting their feelings. There's really no way around that though. You can't date everybody! I think until you feel ready to take on a relationship, then continue turning them down..

And the "nervous" feeling you get right before you turn them down.. is normal. It means you have a heart... and a compassionate one at that! Rejecting makes you uneasy. Don't worry! Be careful about playing hard to get... that may and usually backfires. Not all men are persistent..

There could be a lot of reasons, try talking about your past relationships, any abuse from any one in your life in the past? If not, what were your parents like, together, if not together, how were they like any way? How did the people you knew act, talk and generally behave around you? Also, if some one comes on too strong, and you don't feel the same, it can be a major Turn off. Almost like you see them as Crazies, and your not, so why are they behaving so intensly? It can be scarry if you don't know weather you really like a person or not, and they seem head over heals for you. Not to, mention the fact that if you get that a lot, then it makes you wonder if they really do "love" you or not. I call "love" the happy drug. When some one feels in "love" they get this eurphoric feeling, like floating, or nothing could ever be bad. The reason for this is that a chemical has bin released into their brain to stimulat "the Pleasure" center of the brain. This is like doing drugs, because it is highly addictive, and can be very mind numbing. People get kind of stupid for "love", they are willing to do just about anything for the one they "think" the "love" But do they really love that person? That is a big question and I don't know many who can answer it with out some one pointing out a problem or flaw.
So, best thing for you to do, is define love for yourself, so what do you think love is?? If you don't mind my asking.

Millions of women, millions of men. SOMETHING has to set them apart into groups. SOMETHING has to attract them. SOMETHING has to work.

You can't really fault your natural inclinations. Right now, don't. Unless/until you're convinced your natural inclinations are actually harmful, just go with them. You're fine right now.

You're a girl that wants to be pursued and acquire an interest in a guy that is already interested in you. You know that about yourself. Accept it and don't fret it.

But also accept that that means you will be in the business of rejecting people. Since YOU'RE not willing to spot a guy you like and project interest in HIM, since you want to be pursued, you're going to be a rejecter. And a lot of guys you aren't interested in will need rejecting. So, just get used to it.

Also, you're going to have to date SOME of the guys you're not interested in, too. I was rejected 5 times by a girl before she finally relented and went out with me. Now we've been married 23 years, so...

OP, I am like you too, now two of us! :)

I don't even want to think about it now!