I have an 8 yr old son. His father hasn't seen him in 3 years and he hasn't made an attempt to. He has a warrant out for his arrest due to back child support owed. He made phone calls but he would call 3, 4, 7 times a day. He never had anything good to say to him. He never asked him anything at all about his life and how he was doing. He continuously made promises that just broke my sons heart. It's been 4 months since I've allowed them to speak. My son hasn't even asked about his dad at all. I would force him to talk to his dad on the phone at times because I didn't want to be made out to be the bad guy. His father has been continuously making bad lifestyle choices and recently he's been telling his family he's going to kill himself and that he has a crack cocaine addiction. He called me lastnight telling me that he needed to talk to my son. I told him that right now in his position it wasn't the best thing for our child. He told me that this wasn't about our son, that HE needed to talk to him because he was in some bad trouble and this may be the last time they speak. I told him to get help, clean up his act and then he can earn everyone's trust and the right to his child. I don't feel as though I should be using my son to make his dad feel better. Am I making the right choice? I feel as though who he has become as a person will cause more harm to our son than good. He's saying he's going to kill himself and that people are after him and he's heavily involved with drugs! But I'M the one keeping him from his son. He lived 1,000 miles away when we broke up. He moved 3,000 miles away now. I kept begging him to be closer so they had a chance at a relationship and he said no. He had "other plans". Are his actions grounds for relinquishing his rights? He yelled at me and told me that I have made the wrong choice and I've ed with the wrong person. His entire family has been telling me that he isn't sane right now. They had just flew him in with them to have an "intervention" It didn't work. But he threatened me. How do I handle this situation with my son?

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Originally Posted by erin7799

... I told him to get help, clean up his act and then he can earn everyones trust and the right to his child. I don't feel as though I should be using my son to make his dad feel better. Am I making the right choice?....?

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In my view, yes you did make the right choice. The damage being done by your son's father is continuing each day.

You did not state any legal reason to be used to "take his rights away" it appears he is not using his rights to visit and you are not obligated to let him talk on the phone a dozen times a day, you may decide to set up a few times a week or one time a day that could be used.

Merely not paying child support or not visiting is not normally grounds in most US states to take away rights, you may reduce his allowed visists ( but is he visiting ? No)

You need to work with child support enforcement to be as tough as they can be.

I have tried with child support. I continuously write letters and call. It always seems to fall upon deaf ears. Every time they find him he switches jobs. Every time I find out he's moved I am letting them know where to find him. It seems as though it shouldn't be that hard. But for some reason it is. For a long time I wasn't taking him for support. Then someone told me by not doing so I was hurting my child by not seeing to it that he got what he deserved as far as support from his father, so I took him. I found out that just because there's an order and you go through the harassment it doesn't mean you get anything out of it. I am with a great man now and have been for the past 3 years. He works his fingers to the bone to provide for our family. He rarely complains about anything he has to do. We are going to be getting married and we talked about him adopting my son. But... even though his father is choosing to be an absentee parent he would fight that idea just for the sake of fighting. And there are times when I need help that I have to claim child support as income even though he isn't paying. The papers say that is what I am supposedly receiving so it's looked upon as income. Not fair. It's just so frustrating!

Letters no, attorneys filing motions yes.

Lol gotchya! And thanks :)

How long has it been since your received child support? How long since he paid child support, so far as you are aware?

It's been since February of 2006. He was forced to start paying in April of 2005. So he didn't even make it a full year of paying support. And that's the last I've seen.

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Originally Posted by erin7799

...I am with a great man now ... We are going to be getting married and we talked about him adopting my son. But... even though his father is choosing to be an absentee parent he would fight that idea just for the sake of fighting...

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Your facts seem to present the type of case where parental rights, paternal in this instance, are terminated for abandonment. Are the grandparents interested in this child?
Check this: "Because failure to care for and support the minor usually means abandoning the mother too, courts focus on failure to care for and support the minor. The petitioner must show both failure to care and failure to support.14 Giving the mother sufficient financial support, therefore, defeats the petition Similarly, the father having had an ongoing and genuine relationship with the child defeats the petition.15" When Is A Registered Putative Father's Consent to Adoption Unnecessary - Birth Father Registry - Putative Father Registry

There are no grandparents involved on his side. My parents however are a huge part of my son's life. My dad has really been the biggest male role model in his life. I do however allow my son's aunts and uncles from his dads side be a part of his life. Once a year during the summer they come and take him for a week to their home. They came once over his birthday and took him for a weekend. I think it's important for him to know them and where they came from. They are from the Philippines and I think that it's important for him to know the culture and where it is that they came from as well. I've been very open to them. He has an aunt who lives in Spain, other family members in the Philippines and then there's his family here in the states. I hope that even when he is older and has a family of his own he will continue to visit them and be a part of their lives. His father on the other hand seems to want nothing to do with even his own family. He recently went there to see them but he seems to think for some reason that he is in some trouble where he is living now and something will happen to him. He went not because he wanted to but because he felt obligated in case something were to happen to him. They said he never even came out of his room. I don't know what he is involved with but he seems to believe it's bad enough that he may die. He wanted to talk to our son on the phone and I told him that now is not the time. I told him that it wasn't the best thing for our son. He said " It doesn't matter what he wants or what's best for him. It's best for me." and right there it is. All along he has done what's best for him. Because of his mind frame and all that is supposedly going on with him I have no idea what he'd say to him. He would always make him feel bad and that's when he was "normal". I couldn't imagine what he would say to him now. In the past I had always felt as though I was pushing our son on him and yet he said the other day that I am standing in the way of his relatioship with his son and yet even his own family knows better. He threatened me and told me that I've gotten on his bad side which is not where I want to be and I've f"d with the wrong person... etc... He is just really strange to talk to. He's not normal. He is involved with crack apparently. He's started smoking and drinking which is something he was always against. He just isn't the person I want my son to look at as a role model.

Frankly, I would not waste my time or money trying for a TPR. The likelihood of your getting one is small. I would put my resources into getting child support.

Can you get blood from a turnip? What if he refuses to work? And what I don't get is why does it take so long for them to get the support? Someone in my county pulled his info up right away. His job history, his address. They take forever! I need Judge Judy!

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Originally Posted by erin7799

Can you get blood from a turnip? What if he refuses to work? And what I don't get is why does it take so long for them to get the support? Someone in my county pulled his info up right away. His job history, his address. They take forever! I need Judge Judy!

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No, you can't get blood from a turnip but the State can put the turnip in jail.

An Attorney can get the turnip there faster.

Yes. He already has a warrant out for his arrest in the state of Florida. They know where to find him. They have yet to follow through. He moved to Vegas. That's when the trouble began.

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Originally Posted by erin7799

Yes. He already has a warrant out for his arrest in the state of Florida. They know where to find him. They have yet to follow through. He moved to Vegas. That's when the trouble began.

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Have you asked Nevada to enforce Florida's warrant - or has Florida?

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Originally Posted by erin7799

I have tried with child support. I continuously write letters and call. It always seems to fall upon deaf ears. Every time they find him he switches jobs. Every time I find out he's moved I am letting them know where to find him. It seems as though it shouldn't be that hard. But for some reason it is. For a long time I wasn't taking him for support. Then someone told me by not doing so I was hurting my child by not seeing to it that he got what he deserved as far as support from his father, so I took him. I found out that just because there's an order and you go through the harrassment it doesn't mean you get anything out of it. I am with a great man now and have been for the past 3 years. He works his fingers to the bone to provide for our family. He rarely complains about anything he has to do. We are going to be getting married and we talked about him adopting my son. But... even though his father is choosing to be an absentee parent he would fight that idea just for the sake of fighting. And there are times when I need help that I have to claim child support as income even though he isn't paying. The papers say that is what I am supposedly recieving so it's looked upon as income. Not fair. It's just so frustrating!

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OK something is amiss here. Either your not explaining things right or you just aren't understanding what your reading. Child support IS NOT a taxable item therefore you DO NOT have to claim it as income unless your making a filing with the courts. Could you please let us know what it is your reading or what it actually says.

While child support isn't a taxable item if she is applying for government assistance they take it into consideration when figuring out how much to award. In some places the state will take the support as payment back to them but in other areas the amount received by the applicant is lowered because of the support payments rather than the state having to get paid back.

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Originally Posted by stinawords

While child support isn't a taxable item if she is applying for government assistance they take it into consideration when figuring out how much to award. In some places the state will take the support as payment back to them but in other areas the amount recieved by the applicant is lowered because of the support payments rather than the state having to get paid back.

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I didn't think she was actually getting support because there's a warrant out for his arrest for non payment.

Yours is a good point and also the reason more and more States, when the custodial party applies for assistance, are requiring that the Court ordered support be sent to the State (or County) directly. Non-custodial doesn't pay, the State goes after him/her. Meanwhile the custodial parent gets the support on a consistent basis.

The order for support went into affect April of 2005. He paid for 10 months and then he got a job where he got paid commission because then they would only make him pay the minimum in child support which happened to be $45. A week. They couldn't really make him pay any more than that because they didn't know how much he'd be making from week to week. They couldn't allow him to pay any less because $45 is minimum. When I applied for medical assistance for my son I had to write in that I get support because I have an order for it. If I didn't have an order in place you need to allow them to get one for you unless you have a good reason for not pursuing a case. I can't not put down that I don't get support because there's an order. Although I don't receive it. I applied for WIC for my 2cnd child and the order for child support would've put me over the limit but I begged the lady to take into consideration that I don't actually receive that money. Generally when you are applying for any kind of assistance they ask you if you receive any income and from what and whose it is. They'll ask you if you get disability, ssi, child support, etc... And because there is an order I have to write down that $45. A week although I don't actually receive it. I know it doesn't make sense to me, either. But the order is there. The state of Florida for some reason did not turn his case over to the state of Nevada until just last month. Even though he's been living in Vegas for well over a yr. Almost 2. I wrote them and told them that he had moved but they continued to handle his case and just allow the child support to build up until it got to the point they now have a warrant for his arrest. I have yet to hear anything from the state of Nevada. From what I understand Nevada isn't very strict with child support the way they are in other states. I don't know why Florida ignored the requests to have it turned over to Nevada until recently. My county sent me the paperwork showing their requests that they had sent to Florida asking them to turn the case over. Florida didn't respond until recently. I need to get him to court but I don't know how to go about it. I don't have the money!

The reason that I see it taking so long is because they wanted to determine residency (FL didn't want to hand the case over then six months later have to take it back again). If they did finally respond then things should start moving along. However, because he is a legal resident of another state it will be harder for you to get him into court because you have to make the motion in your county then when he gets the summons to appear he can make a motion to have it transferred to his county (that happens even when dealing with different counties in the same state). So basically what you would have to do is mark a day on the calender as your "call day" and make a call to the child support enforcement office and tell them you want to file contempt charges. The next week call back to see how it is going and the week after that until you get an answer. I wouldn't call more often than that because I have known of offices that will start ignoring the "complainers" call because they have their hands full and don't like whining. (not that that's what you are doing)