My marriage is dead and it makes me feel like I'm so old and I'm confused
I have been married for about 7 years and It's is sucking the life out of me. My husband is neglectful unless it suits his purpose and his family is always in our business and my husband allows it and lies to me about it and everything else for that matter. It's almost like he has a habitual lying problem and I never know when he's telling the truth in his conversations. Half the time it seems like made up stories because he can't focus long enough to have a normal conversation.
Everything is about him and his job and his money. He treats my 16 year old like crap and if we didn't have 22 month old I would be out of here. This has never been a nurturing relationship just very dysfunctional as my husband will not deal with anything. Not our fights, not his family, not life he doesn't live in the real world and the only thing he focuses on his is work it's like an addicition but he complains about it all the time... Actually, he complains about everything and everyone, it's always something. We never go anywhere or do anything and when we use to, it was always a fight. He would pick on my son or sayt rude things that were so inappropriate just to get a rise out of my son or myself and he would just be so BORING! I take the kids just so I can have some fun.
We have been to the beach so many times and it is so dull, not romantic on any level not even when we are alone and I find myself doing things alone or just with the kids. It's like this marriage was just out of shear want to have something he didn't have at the time he didn't intend to commit or really want a "relationship" What's the point, I really want to leave but I don't know about dissrupting the life of my kids but I am miserable! I find that I don't really like to even come home from work except to see my kids.
I'm so confused and here's the turning point. Lately I have found myself attracted to someone at work, someone I wouldn't normally find myself attracted to probably and for awhile I have been dismissing it and saying "he's a nice guy" but I find I want to be around him more but I feel so insecure as I am overweight by 40 lbs. from having my youngest son. There are little things he does that some times makes me glimpse that there is an attraction but then it's gone and I don't see it again for awhile. Maybe I'm just vulnerable and making something out of nothing hoping that I can still feel something because I feel so dead.
I'm so confused because I just want the "relationship/friendshp" of a man I can talk to, have fun and something in common with and enjoy his company those are the things that attract me these days. Help I just don't know what to do and my feelings for this person seem to keep growing but from where, am I reading too much into it or do you think he could be attracted to me and is sending signals but on a real low key due to his job and marital status so he keeps it under the radar or am I just creating this whole thing in my head because my marriage is lacking all the important ingredients... HELP!