Ask Me Help Desk - My husband and I want custody of our niece

Okay, so we just visited with his family and we don't know how we would go about this. My husband's brother has a daughter who is 3 years old and currently living with her mother. Her father does not have a job and is an alcoholic, not able to support her. His house is filled with dog feces and rodents and roaches. We would not want her living there. Her mother has three children and they are living in a house with 7 adults and 3 children. A 3 bedroom house at that. We went to take her to her mothers house after we had her for a day and we were sitting in the backyard visiting when our niece walked up to me with a LIT cigarette and she put it in her mouth and took I drag. I grabbed it from her and put it out, but her mother just sat there and laughed about it like it was no big deal. I did not go into the house on that visit. Her mother then let us have her for another visit since we were only in town for a couple of weeks. When we went to take her home after that visit her mother was not there and when we got ahold of her she said "I didn't think you would be bringing her home anytime soon, so we went out fishing", it was already 9 at night (the next day). This time we did go into the house that was a complete fire hazard, as well as rotten food on the counters and bugs crawling around the floors. Two days later when we went to pick her up she was still in the clothing we had brought her home in and had not had a bath, nor her hair brushed. We do not feel that she is living in a safe environment and would like to try and get custody of her, but we do not know how to go about it or if we would even have a good chance of winning. My husband and I are both 24 years old, I am a homemaker and my husband is in the Army. We have a steady home and feel that would could provide a good, safe environment for her. Can anyone tell us what to do?

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Originally Posted by SamiWolf

Okay, so we just visited with his family and we don't know how we would go about this. My husband's brother has a daughter who is 3 years old and currently living with her mother. Her father does not have a job and is an alcoholic, not able to support her. His house is filled with dog feces and rodents and roaches. We would not want her living there. Her mother has three children and they are living in a house with 7 adults and 3 children. A 3 bedroom house at that. We went to take her to her mothers house after we had her for a day and we were sitting in the backyard visiting when our niece walked up to me with a LIT cigarette and she put it in her mouth and took I drag. I grabbed it from her and put it out, but her mother just sat there and laughed about it like it was no big deal. I did not go into the house on that visit. Her mother then let us have her for another visit since we were only in town for a couple of weeks. When we went to take her home after that visit her mother was not there and when we got ahold of her she said "I didn't think you would be bringing her home anytime soon, so we went out fishing", it was already 9 at night (the next day). This time we did go into the house that was a complete fire hazard, as well as rotten food on the counters and bugs crawling around the floors. Two days later when we went to pick her up she was still in the clothing we had brought her home in and had not had a bath, nor her hair brushed. We do not feel that she is living in a safe environment and would like to try and get custody of her, but we do not know how to go about it or if we would even have a good chance of winning. My husband and I are both 24 years old, I am a homemaker and my husband is in the Army. We have a steady home and feel that would could provide a good, safe environment for her. Can anyone tell us what to do?

You must make sure this child is safe - call CPS and report the situation. You know you have no legal standing here unless the parents consent to allowing you to take custody or the Court steps in and you offer to become her guardian and are approved.

But if this is how she is living you must get her to a safe place by whatever means it takes.

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Originally Posted by SamiWolf

We have a steady home and feel that would could provide a good, safe environment for her. Can anyone tell us what to do?

So, in what state does your niece reside?

Illinois is the state, I've been trying to do some research online about their guardianship laws. His brother is agreeable to us taking guardianship, but the mother is another story. The only reason I have not called the CPS is that I've seen more than enough cases where they didn't do anything because the parents are aware when they are coming and make sure everything is perfect. I know from experience of seeing people do this that it happens and then the state can't do anything. It's not what's best for the child.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SamiWolf

Illinois is the state, I've been trying to do some research online about their guardianship laws. His brother is agreeable to us taking guardianship, but the mother is another story. The only reason I have not called the CPS is that I've seen more than enough cases where they didn't do anything because the parents are aware when they are coming and make sure everything is perfect. I know from experiance of seeing people do this that it happens and then the state can't do anything. It's not what's best for the child.

If it's as bad as you say then the father has to take action - someone has to get the child out of there and you cannot without the consent of the mother. The father at least has a legal standing to try to change custody.

But the father is just as bad as the mother as far as taking care of the child would be. I don't know, I guess I will have to get CPS involved in order to get the child out of the house and then go from there to see what can be done.

I would ask the parents before I went to CPS.

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Originally Posted by George_1950

I would ask the parents before I went to CPS.

I absolutely agree - you never know what people are going to do/say until you ask. Maybe they'll cooperate - I hope. But whatever you do, you have to do it quickly.

Well, my concern about not going to CPS with this is that there are 2 other kids living in that house. If the conditions are not good enough for the niece to be there, then it's not good enough for those kids, either. What are her siblings going to think if the niece is whisked away to a new home, and they aren't?