Ask Me Help Desk - I don't know what to do with her

Sorry for the long story but I need some serious advice with this...

All started around November... I was at the last class of high school where in the end of the year I was going to give some serious examinations in order to enter the university. Well there was a girl not in my main school but in another where I was going for extra lesson. We were not in the same class for a long time but somehow I fell in love with her. One friend of mine took her phone for a friend and he gave it to me(I did not ask for it though)... I started texting her in order to become familiar.

Well I learn she had a boyfriend but they had a relationship from distance. After about 20 days of texting we agreed to meet each other on a date. It was the first time to speak face to face.. We said a lot for ourselves and she told me that she appreciates my attention and she knows that a relationship in distance (which she already had) could not work. So I let her some days to think and tell me.

After 3-4 days she told me she likes me so we agreed to meet again. This time we agreed to be in a relationship and we made out... But the next day she seemed distant.. She told me that because of the examinations we could not have a serious relationship but something more "free"...

Well for some days we did not meet... But again we dated during Valentines where I bought her some gifts... We agreed again to be in a relationship but again she seemed distant. I told her via sms that I don't know what to do... and that when we were together she was perfect but after that she seemed like we don't know each other..

She told me for 3rd time that she wants to be with me but after 10 hours she texted me again and told me that she can't be in a relationship right not but she Does like me though.

I really got mad but I did not say anything. After some days I did not see her so I texted her to see if she was OK.

After about 20+ days. We met in a school party where again we made out. I was so happy again because I thought that all this situation was only because of the examinations.

For some days we did not have contact at all... But when I was about to leave for a trip, she texted me and told me to have nice time, to be careful , and that she always thinking of me no matter where I am..

When I got back I bought her some presents. Then she left for a trip and when she got back she brought a present for me.

I thought everything was OK and that we needed just 1-2 months to pass the examinations and have a serious relationship. After some days she had her birthday so again I bought her a present and have a birthday-cake surprise at school. She seemed so happy and I thought she really wants to be with me.

I did so much for her. After some days we had a break for Easter vacations. All this time we had to date from valentines. She had canceled at least 4-5 dates with me. Again in the vacations we arranged a date but again she canceled it. When we got back and had a lesson in the same class, one friend of mine heard her telling one friend of her that she had changed her number. I was in shock. I thought that after 1-2 days she would inform me. But nothing. After 1 week I had no news from her. I heard that she was very anxious because in one week we had the examinations.

I texted a friend of her telling her to tell me "GF" that she had to be calm and some things like that (advices in general) The next day I get a text message from my "GF" telling me that she had changed her number and some excuse. I told her my advice and things about how I feel about her (again! ).. she told me she feel too lucky to have me and things like that.

Well we talked one more time during examinations where she told me that I had not to be anxious for anything and soon we would be together.

After the exams I heard nothing from her. I did not text her in order to see what she would do.

About 30+ days passed and I received a message from her asking me how I was. I answered like I was a little "angry" at her and she told me that she knows that I would not like to talk to her and that she wishes me to be fine. Well I told her all my "problem" that she always told me we would be together when the same time she did not do anything. But she told me that she needs me. I asked her "how" she needs me. For at least 1 hours of text messaging she was not giving a straight answer about how she feels about me. Then she told me that if she makes a relationship she wants to be in love with the other person and she would not like to tell me something when she was not sure. She told me that she would like stay friends at least for now. I then told her that I should forget her and get on with my life. She then told me that she does like me and she is not sure about what to do.

She told me that whenever I want I could call her or arrange a date with her. I agreed to be friends with her and that some day we could meet in order to give her some books that I don't need but she does. Well 17 days have passed after the text conversation. I have to see her for over 1,5 month...

I am still deeply in love with her. I made so much things for her and I want her in my life. I know she does like me but she certainly does not love me. It confuses me the thing that from one hand she does not want to be in a relationship with me but on the other hand she does not want to lose me from her life.

What should I make? Is there anything I can do?

Quote:

Originally Posted by fwnaklas

Sorry for the long story but I need some serious advice with this...

All started around November... I was at the last class of high school where in the end of the year I was going to give some serious examinations in order to enter the university. Well there was a girl not in my main school but in another where I was going for extra lesson. We were not in the same class for a long time but somehow I fell in love with her. One friend of mine took her phone for a friend and he gave it to me(I did not ask for it though)... I started texting her in order to become familiar.

Well I learn she had a boyfriend but they had a relationship from distance. After about 20 days of texting we agreed to meet each other on a date. It was the first time to speak face to face.. We said a lot for ourselves and she told me that she appreciates my attention and she knows that a relationship in distance (which she already had) could not work. So I let her some days to think and tell me.

After 3-4 days she told me she likes me so we agreed to meet again. This time we agreed to be in a relationship and we made out... But the next day she seemed distant .. She told me that because of the examinations we could not have a serious relationship but something more "free" ...

Well for some days we did not meet... But again we dated during Valentines where I bought her some gifts... We agreed again to be in a relationship but again she seemed distant. I told her via sms that I don't know what to do... and that when we were together she was perfect but after that she seemed like we don't know each other..

She told me for 3rd time that she wants to be with me but after 10 hours she texted me again and told me that she can't be in a relationship right not but she Does like me though.

I really got mad but I did not say anything. After some days I did not see her so I texted her to see if she was ok.

After about 20+ days. we met in a school party where again we made out. I was so happy again because I thought that all this situation was only because of the examinations.

For some days we did not have contact at all... But when I was about to leave for a trip, she texted me and told me to have nice time, to be careful , and that she always thinking of me no matter where I am..

When I got back I bought her some presents. Then she left for a trip and when she got back she brought a present for me.

I thought everything was OK and that we needed just 1-2 months to pass the examinations and have a serious relationship. After some days she had her birthday so again I bought her a present and have a birthday-cake surprise at school. She seemed so happy and I thought she really wants to be with me.

I did so much for her. After some days we had a break for Easter vacations. All this time we had to date from valentines. She had canceled at least 4-5 dates with me. Again in the vacations we arranged a date but again she canceled it. When we got back and had a lesson in the same class, one friend of mine heard her telling one friend of her that she had changed her number. I was in shock. I thought that after 1-2 days she would inform me. But nothing. After 1 week I had no news from her. I heard that she was very anxious because in one week we had the examinations.

I texted a friend of her telling her to tell me "GF" that she had to be calm and some things like that (advices in general) The next day I get a text message from my "GF" telling me that she had changed her number and some excuse. I told her my advice and things about how I feel about her (again!!) .. she told me she feel too lucky to have me and things like that.

Well we talked one more time during examinations where she told me that I had not to be anxious for anything and soon we would be together.

After the exams I heard nothing from her. I did not text her in order to see what she would do.

About 30+ days passed and I received a message from her asking me how I was. I answered like I was a little "angry" at her and she told me that she knows that I would not like to talk to her and that she wishes me to be fine. Well I told her all my "problem" that she always told me we would be together when the same time she did not do anything. But she told me that she needs me. I asked her "how" she needs me. For at least 1 hours of text messaging she was not giving a straight answer about how she feels about me. Then she told me that if she makes a relationship she wants to be in love with the other person and she would not like to tell me something when she was not sure. She told me that she would like stay friends at least for now. I then told her that I should forget her and get on with my life. She then told me that she does like me and she is not sure about what to do.

She told me that whenever I want I could call her or arrange a date with her. I agreed to be friends with her and that some day we could meet in order to give her some books that I don't need but she does. Well 17 days have passed after the text conversation. I have to see her for over 1,5 month...

I am still deeply in love with her. I made so much things for her and I want her in my life. I know she does like me but she certainly does not love me. It confuses me the thing that from one hand she does not want to be in a relationship with me but on the other hand she does not want to lose me from her life.

What should I make? Is there anything I can do?

OK,OK,OK, OK!! That story was long but here goes. She played with your emotions. Every time she saw you it was because you guys were away. She apparently thought by buying you a gift it would mend the broken heart that you was feeling. You did a lot for her but she couldn't give you the same in return so what she did was lead you on in a negative way. Instead of telling you from the beginning that she couldn't be in that relationship, she mistakenly lead you on. MOVE ON NOW. Your not going to be in a relationship with her. She never wanted that. From what your telling me. Good Luck.

You are so much in love with her, given some "hope" so you can't so you tend to expect and rush A BIT, which is understandable...

Quote:

Originally Posted by fwnaklas

I am still deeply in love with her. I made so much things for her and I want her in my life. I know she does like me but she certainly does not love me. It confuses me the thing that from one hand she does not want to be in a relationship with me but on the other hand she does not want to lose me from her life.
What should I make? Is there anything I can do?

Possible things
1. She likes you but not really as a BF and she can't just drop you like a stone.
2. She's occupied to have a BF for now (even after "battery" exams).
3.Sh'es still mending a broken heart. How has it been since her last break up? Does she still in contact with him?

What to do:
1. Make yourself busy. Distance yourself, regain your toughness and turn down her invitations too.
2. Take what she said "FRIENDS FOR NOW". I guess you know how to act when your "just a friend." Give it a chance, who kniows?
3. You're giving your best, so you learn to know when to give up.

Thank you for your time... I am deeply in love with her... why then when I told her "if I could not make you fall in love with me until now, I will never do, so I have to move on ... etc etc" she said to me "please don't do that to me" and after I asked her "what I do which confuses you?" she told me that she is not sure , and she is interested in me, blah blah blah..

I was thinking of calling her in the end of the month just to learn how she is going and in order not to forget me... and the next month when she has her name-celebration I was thinking of asking her out and giving a her a small gift...

What you think?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ylaira

You are so much in love with her, given some "hope" so you can't so you tend to expect and rush A BIT, which is understandable.

The problem is, she doesnt over yet with her recent relationship. How has it been since she broke up? Does she still in contact with him?

I certainly believe that you have a space for her its just it sounds like things are still confusing. Take what she said "FRIENDS FOR NOW" and wait a little. You sound too nice to her thats why she can't just drop you like a stone OR you may just MOVE ON. Its your call.

Well during our second date she told me that it was over with him. But after 15 days she told me that they broke up. In our 3rd date when I asked her she told me that he called her and asked her to forget it. And she also told me that they had a serious fight over phone. He is in another town so I don't think there is a possibility they met each other. As for the contact I suppose after the fight that it was over (I asked also a female friend of both)... But I can't be sure...

I really love her and I gave her everything. I have worried so much for her all the time. Always looking for her to be happy. She told me the last time we texted that she indeed did mistakes with our "relationship" and that she may seemed to be distant from me but she did cared and worried for me always..

I personally don't think she is a bad girl. But I think she handled the all thing in a no-mature way. And I also think she is a bit selfish because she did not tell me "forget me and move on" or something like that. She does not want a relationship but I think she wants me to remain in love with her

Quote:

Originally Posted by fwnaklas

I was thinking of calling her in the end of the month just to learn how she is going and in order not to forget me... and the next month when she has her name-celebration I was thinking of asking her out and giving a her a small gift...what you think?

Would like to be used on a rebound? Let her chase you when she's done. You'll feel it that she's really done on her. baggage. You've done so much enough.Give yourself a break.

So what should I do? Just wait and don't do anything? She did contact the last time (via text message before 18 days) where we ended up as "friends"... Should I do the next contact approach? Or again wait for her?

[B]YOU'RE FRIENDS FOR NOW... So you may still speak to her but don't do anymore extra special. Just act casual. Regain your toughness this time. You know friends? You don't give flowers to your friends and text them every now and then, you know what I mean.

I understand but I don't meet her at all. If I want to speak to her I have to call her or text her. So last time she texted me. Should I be the next to call her and check how she is going? Or should I wait for her again to come? We may be friends but I can't see her as friend. I really love her and she understands that I do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by fwnaklas

I understand but I don't meet her at all. If I want to speak to her I have to call her or text her. So last time she texted me. Should I be the next to call her and check how she is going? Or should I wait for her again to come? We may be friends but I can't see her as friend. I really love her and she understands that I do.

You can do either ways but again act normal, dont talk about "your friendship" because it confuses her more. She will open up things that she doesn't do when you're persisitently pursuing her.Please while in the process watch out a nd carefully gauge things.Its her way this time, I'm sorrry. If you want your way you can leave her anytime.

Thanks ylaira. Any more views on the subject please ?

Φιλαράκι,

τη πάτησες... Μπορείς να αντέξεις την πραγματικότητα?.

Το κάνει μέ άλλον.ΣΤΑΝΤΑΡ.Πιθανότατα κάποιο μαλάκα χασικλή.Σε γουστάρει αλλά οχι σαν άντρα,είστε πλέον φιλενάδες.
Εξαφανίσου άμεσα.Συμβαίνουν αυτά,είσαι μικρός ακόμα,θα μάθεις τί παίζει.Κάνε λίγο googling για ladder theory.Θα ξεκολλήσεις και γλιτώσεις πολλές μαλακίες.

Άντε και καλά αποτελέσματα,αν και με το μυαλό στο μο*νί,@@ θα γραψες...

Quote:

Originally Posted by ka1111

Φιλαράκι,

τη πάτησες...Μπορείς να αντέξεις την πραγματικότητα?..

Το κάνει μέ άλλον.ΣΤΑΝΤΑΡ.Πιθανότατα κάποιο μαλάκα χασικλή.Σε γουστάρει αλλά οχι σαν άντρα,είστε πλέον φιλενάδες.
Εξαφανίσου άμεσα.Συμβαίνουν αυτά,είσαι μικρός ακόμα,θα μάθεις τί παίζει.Κάνε λίγο googling για ladder theory.Θα ξεκολλήσεις και γλιτώσεις πολλές μαλακίες.

Άντε και καλά αποτελέσματα,αν και με το μυαλό στο μο*νί,@@ θα γραψες...

Thanks file... OK dn nomizw na eisai toso xalia oso ta les... alla tespa :P... oso gia tis eksetaseis egrapsa mia xara eutixws :)... perasa ekei pou ithela...

Quote:

I am deeply in love with her...

Sorry dude this ain't love. It an exercise in assumptions and false expectations. Her feeling don't match yours, so its all you give, and she takes. That's not love.

Read my signature

Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you a option in theirs.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Sorry dude this ain't love. It an exercise in assumptions and false expectations. Her feeling don't match yours, so its all you give, and she takes. Thats not love.

Read my signature

Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you a option in theirs.

I have to agree. You appear to be the one doing the stalking and she isn't feeling the same way your feeling. It clearly shows how she feels for you by the way she leads you one. Think twice before making a decision to give up everything for a woman that isn't feeling you.

So what is your point of view? She told me last time we talked (before 22 days) that she needs me... possibly for boosting her up...

But what should I do? Leave her and never do anything for her or try again to win her?

Take a break, and get back to your emotional center, and decide those questions on the basis of fact, and not feelings. That's a start.

Love is not a tingly, needy feeling, its two people who care enough to express themselves in an honest way, and work together to solve their problems, to the benefit of both.

Can you honestly say that's what's happening here?? Back off, and let the emotional dust settle, before you take another look to see what your course of actions should be.

Straight talk, your feelings are deeper than hers, and an unequal relationship seldom survives, nor is it healthy for either partner.

Quote:

Originally Posted by fwnaklas

so what is your point of view? she told me last time we talked (before 22 days) that she needs me .... possibly for boosting her up...

but what should I do? leave her and never do anything for her or try again to win her?

No one is telling you to leave her. But the situation here is that she is never going to be with you. If she wanted to be with you she would have done that long long long time ago. You obviously love her but she isn't feeling the same. And the longer you keep doing for her she's going to keep playing you. I don't know her so I really can't speak for her but from what you are telling us, she is doing nothing but leading you on. She obviosly knows how you feel. She's not going to take your advancements because she isn't feeling the same way. I don't know what else to tell you or even how to explain what I am reading as a Player.

Quote:

Originally Posted by fwnaklas

but what should I do? leave her and never do anything for her or try again to win her?

You got it. You're in love with your fantasy of who she is, and she's using your fawning attentions for an ego boost, but she doesn't love you. Stop punishing yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ordinaryguy

You got it. You're in love with your fantasy of who she is, and she's using your fawning attentions for an ego boost, but she doesn't love you. Stop punishing yourself.

Stop pursueing the issue. Leave her alone. Do you get it.