Ask Me Help Desk - LD Ex Girlfriend and I want her back.

Last year I fell in love with this girl from flordia (I'm in michigan), we were friends first and so she crashed at my house for the 2 weeks she was here. We talked about a relationship and she said she would come back. She went home, 2 weeks later she returned.

We live together for almost 4 months before she went back to Florida (to pursue her career) and we were both crushed. We tried the long distance relationship for about 5 months until we both called it quits our relationship wasn't setup for that.

I was being to pushy, she was being to indecisive etc.

Well over the weekend of the 4th she visited and brought with her all the feelings that we had been surpressing and when she left we both felt lost.

Ok here are the details.

I'm 33 (in Michigan) she's 26 (In Florida)
Dated around after separating from my ex, got a lot of the stuff out that I had bottled up. When she entered my life in this capacity I knew it was something different.
I have 4 kids and have been divorced was with their mother for 14 years.
She still lives with her parents and just graduated from college in dec 06.
She is a specialized engineer working in a very small field of which she just started (almost a year now, this is also why she left me to go back to florida)
I'm an extrovert and she's an introvert (very shy)
I make a great living as a computer engineer and have moved arounda bit in the state to be close to my kids, so I'm a very active father.

We totally love each other, She's my best friend we talk nonstop

After she left I told her how I felt, she's not big in confrontation and I would afraid it would scare her.

She tells me she's not ready for me yet, that she doesn't want a relationship with anyone but she does want to continue to date others.

I'm lost I feel rejected, part of me remains hopeful for what might come, very unclear if she will be ready and she tells me to not WAIT.

Yet after I tell her all of this, things change. She calls me like 2-3 times a day to talk, (while we both drive to work, while we both drive home and at night before we go to bed) we instant message while at work all day. She tells me when she's going out with her friends and checks in with me while she's out. She says she has a date this week.

Our communication is stronger than when we first started the Long distance part of the relationship. I feel lost without this woman, she says she would feel lost without me. She loves my kids, misses them asks for pictures etc.

What I want is to go back to being in a relationship (long distance or otherwise) until we can be together we both have great jobs and airfare isn't hard, and my job allowed me a lot of work at home time so when I don't have my kids I could be with her in Flordia etc.

I've sent her Flowers 3 times now 52 roses in all, letting her know how I feel and asking for a chance to prove how different things could be.

I'm totally unsure what to do, these other women I've dated can't compete with how I feel about her, I've hurt a few already trying to forget about her before.

I've resolved myself to waiting but I'm unsure if that's the best course of action, she says she's confused and I've been trying to give her space and take some time to sort this stuff out. Not sure if we take time away from each other (talking etc) that perhaps she'll realize what she's losing her if she doesn't act.

Any insight? Anyone gone through something similar that would be willing to share?

Any/all advice is appreciated.

-G

Quote:

Originally Posted by malice92

I was being to pushy, she was being to indecisive etc.

-G

Quote:

Originally Posted by malice92

She tells me she's not ready for me yet, that she doesnt want a relationship with anyone but she does want to continue to date others.

I'm lost i feel rejected, part of me remains hopeful for what might come, very unclear if she will be ready and she tells me to not WAIT.

Yet after I tell her all of this, things change. She calls me like 2-3 times a day to talk, (while we both drive to work, while we both drive home and at night before we go to bed) we instant message while at work all day. She tells me when she's going out with her friends and checks in with me while she's out. She says she has a date this week.-G

Quote:

Originally Posted by malice92

she says she's confused and i've been trying to give her space and take some time to sort this stuff out.

-G

The question is, how long can you wait for her to decide?But you're right a or a break may help. Also a getaway

She's a very internal person things take a while before they really get in. So I'm unsure how a break would really affect her she would miss our friendship no doubt about that but it might take weeks before she really comes to terms with the type of relationship we have.

As for the waiting well, that's a very good question and I don't know the answer. I would suspect that it would be until she or I have moved on with someone else. I'm not in any hurry for anything and I truly believe that this women is my soulmate.

I just hope that all your kindness will make its own way in future.

Just curious, what's holding her back? You're not yet getting married.

I would hate to think that she lost that loving feeling

That's a very good question and the answers that I have gotten are a bit vague but.

Assuming your talking about just "reentering" a relationship with me, long distance or otherwise.

She says she's confused, she's unsure what she wants. I think part of it is the whole long distance thing and not being able to go out with others, she has 1 friend who she considers very boring (LOL), and the fact that I have 4 kids no matter how much she cares for them they remain a burden to someone who does not have any. She also has issues seeing the logevity because her job needs at least 2 more years before she can really "transfer" and there are none of these jobs in her chosen profession.

So at the moment I would say her career with long distance is really what is holding her back.

I do not agree with a break. They are already living in separate states.
If you want to stay in touch I think there is nothing wrong with that. It is really unrealistic at this point to commit to each other when your living in separate areas but by communicating the way you are there is always a chance it could work out. Waiting on somebody else? Not to sure if that is a good idea... I think you should continue living life and see where this leads you. I am not usually keen on long distance relationships because eventually it will lead to frustration from one party or both. That is for you to decide to do what is within your own heart. Long distance relationships can and do work but eventually one party needs to be making a willing move to keep it working. The only thing is it sounds as if she is not ready for that. You already have told her how you feel and now she is keeping in touch with you. THat is good, but be cool. Do not get obsessive about it and just go with the flow with her leading the way this time.

EDIT: I realised you have other threads going on with other questions which makes making an accurate answer hard.

Friends or more, I would say just be friends with her. That is it. Nothing more. According to your other thread with questions about love and so forth.

That's a realistic answer.and its good to hear you two have options Long Distance relationship is difficult but not impossible. As Dr.Phils said, "When you love someone, you'll climb mountains and you'll slay dragons." Why don't try to have holiday getaway with her overseas? (Who knows it will help her figure out more)