I am 29 (chinese girl look 20), he is 25(chinese born american, look 25). We have been dating for a year and half. We have been living together for 8 months. Before that we see each other every day and night. Things weren't the smoothest but he is a very honest and cute guy. I like him a lot.

I went to Europe for a month came back last week and notice something different from him, he was talking on phone at 2:00 am with a "friend" according to him, he has his phone with him most time unlike before. Last night he says he is going out to study with friends. I asked him who and he smiled and said a girl from his martial art club. And admitted that he is attracted to her although she has boyfriend and intended to stay that way. They saw each other during my time away almost everyday but no physical contact, just friends. I was devastated because I never had a boyfriend cheated on me before.

He says it is really hard for him because things are going good with us, I am really a great girl and cutter than the other one. But there is something unknown about her that attracts him, maybe because the fact that she is unattainable. He would like to find the perfect love and he thinks there might be someone more compatible with him than I am. But he is not sure if she is the one or maybe I am the one. He wants to take a break, but he is afraid to do so. He also says he wants to work things out between us.

I guess I was too desperate, I told him it's OK if he continues to see her but no physical contact so he can find out if she is more compatible than I am.

What should I do really?

Move out.

He's not going to commit to you, and if he doesn't get the chance to "test the waters" with this girl, it will be another girl.

He's not satisfied with what he has (you!) but doesn't want to let you go so that he has a "safety net".

Tell this jerk to either commit to you and stop seeing this other girl that he's so fascinated with, or to leave and not come back.

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Originally Posted by oneapple

i am 29 (chinese girl look 20), he is 25(chinese born american, look 25). We have been dating for a year and half. We have been living together for 8 months. Before that we see each other every day and night. Things weren't the smoothest but he is a very honest and cute guy. I like him a lot.

I went to Europe for a month came back last week and notice something different from him, he was talking on phone at 2:00 am with a "friend" according to him, he has his phone with him most time unlike before. Last night he says he is going out to study with friends. I asked him who and he smiled and said a girl from his martial art club. And admitted that he is attracted to her although she has boyfriend and intended to stay that way. They saw each other during my time away almost everyday but no physical contact, just friends. I was devastated because I never had a boyfriend cheated on me before.

He says it is really hard for him because things are going good with us, I am really a great girl and cutter than the other one. But there is something unknown about her that attracts him, maybe because the fact that she is unattainable. He would like to find the perfect love and he thinks there might be someone more compatible with him than I am. But he is not sure if she is the one or maybe I am the one. He wants to take a break, but he is afraid to do so. He also says he wants to work things out between us.

I guess I was too desperate, I told him it's ok if he continues to see her but no physical contact so he can find out if she is more compatible than I am.

what should I do really?

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This morning he told me that the girl refused him last night. He feels empty. I told him either we start over or we end it. I am not going to be a backup. I deserve something better. I asks him to give me an answer after a my three weeks vocation abroad starting from next week. We will see. But I don't know if I still want to be with him anymore. I feel sick in my stomach thinking of how he tries to pick on little things that I have said or done and how incompatible we are compared to this girl he knows for only 2 weeks.

So, you don't wish to be a back up. But your making him chose between you and the other girl, who has already refused him? Which means, easy decision for him. Which will make you the back up choice

The choice should NOT be his... if he was refused by this other girl, then obviously he made a move on this other girl.

Take control of your life. End this now. Find someone that wants YOU. Like it was said before... once this other girl is out of his life, he will just find another

Well,
It will be tough if you two stay together after this, as you will probably lose trust in him. Think about the next time you see him talking to a girl who (really is) just a friend. You are going to interrogate him and worry worry worry. This is just going to cause conflict between you two. To tell the truth, I don't see a pleasant future for this relationship.

As tough as it may be for you to accept, you know that you were second to this girl for a while. He liked her more than he did you, otherwise he wouldn't have jepordized the relationship he has with you. He made a move on her, and she denied him. The only reason he hasn't cheated on you yet is because the girl he wanted to cheat with refused him!

He dosen't seem like a good guy, and you deserve something better. So, despite the 1.5 years you've had together, I think its time to move on and end it with him.

Good luck, and try to enjoy your vacation!

He can not have his cake and eat it too, and you need to make this very clear. He is not worthy to have you and treat you like a consolation prize- I've been treated like that and it ruins self esteem, don't let it happen to you.

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am I nuts telling boyfriend that he can see the girl he is attracted to?

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Yes you are. Your giving him the go ahead to cheat and leave you in the dust.

Is this a preview of life with him?? It sure is, and its time to go.

You should have kicked him to the curb when he first told you, so whatever happens is with your blessing.

People treat you the way you let them, and your letting him treat you very badly.

No man is worth making you feel insecure about yourself. You can do better. Find a man who wants to spend that extra time with you not some other women. Its selfish of him to put you in a sittuaton like this. Keep your head up.And keep on moving.

I agree with the others
If his heart is not into you and you are the back up
When he does find somebody that does not reject him you will be history
For right now you are just making life smoother for him rather than leaving him with nobody.
Have pride in YOU and say adios!