My husband and I have been married for almost two years now and we've been having some issues with our sex life. I was never really that sexual when it came to being in the bedroom. My husband is the only man I've ever been with so its not like I have much experience. You see, my husband is I guess what you would say a "freak" when it comes to sex, and I'm really not like that at all. Not that I don't enjoy it, its great, but I guess I'm the type that doesn't really experiment with new things and I don't get all "down and dirty." We have 2 kids now, the last one just born about 2 1/2 months ago.That could be part of the reason. I mean Im not really all that comfortable with my body like before (you know what 2 kids can do to your body, lol). Since then our sex life has been going down. I guess my husband thought that after we got married I would let myself loose and become some superfreak in the bedroom. I guess basically I don't really know how to be real intimate and sexual. I want to please my husband, but I don't really have a creative mind to come up with new things or ways to turn him on. So my question is, what can I do to save our sex life? I know this may sound kind of desperate but what do you ladies do spice things up in the bedroom? And what do you men out there like that really turns you on? My husband likes it when I show myself off to him and he says my body is fine the way it is. So then maybe I shouldn't be so worried about my body if he's okay with it right? Oh I don't know. I just know that I need some advice. (sorry for so much writing):p

You are married, so have fun in the bedroom, dance for him, strip, if you both like, do dress up ( costumes) role play. Do "dates" where he pretends to pick you up before going out to a motel on occasion.
From the 70's body paints were always fun.

There are books with 100's of positions, try them before you get to old to do about 1/2 of them.

Men are very different (mentally, sexually) than us women as a general rule. Yes, it's easy to simply walk around naked, if your mate says he likes your body, he does, so do it. Taking off just one item of clothing, so that the visual is a surprise, can be stimulating to him, and it's cost-effective.

Read and learn about human sexuality. There's so much to find out! You don't have to match his style in the bedroom. You would do well to thoroughly inderstand it though. Don't think of yourself as inexperienced. Remember that you are female, his special female, and he wants you.

Talk to him about how you feel about sex (kindly of course.) Tell him what feels good and what does not. Mesh what you both know together and come up with a plan for new activities. Explore your bodies as a team and have a good time with it.

Two things to work on here...

1) your perception of what is "right" and OK in the bedroom and

2) his desires.

When you both don't mesh perfectly it is fine. Even normal. My partner and I don't have all the same fetishes, desires, or rhythms. So we seek middle ground as much as we can.

So... lets talk about your sex life. Your husband is the aggressor and seeks you out? Do you achieve orgasm with him? How would you rate your sex life in terms of your pleasure only?

Is your husband able to reach orgasm easily?

Do you have sex when you are feeling ready and refreshed?

Do you ever have time alone with your mate?

In your OP you sound tired and anxious. Something that often comes with trying to manage an intimate relationship while also managing children.

Where is the pressure coming from? Him? You? Please talk more about what you desire, what he has asked for, and why you think things are not adequate right now.

First off, please try not to use chat speak on this board. I know with many people it is habit to type "u" instead of "you", but to me that generally signals a teen with no business on an adult board.

Secondly--have you discussed this, openly and honestly, at a time when you are NOT about to have sex, having sex, or just after sex? I have a feeling he has distinct ideas of what he'd like from you, and you can talk to him about YOUR concerns (self-image, transitioning from "mommy" to "sex-crazed-wife", etc) at the same time.

TALKING about sex with someone you have sex with, or plan to have sex with, is a HUGE turn-on. It's a libido boost for both of you to know that the other still wants you, flaws and all, and it really can get some creative ideas flowing.

AFTER you've talked about some of the things you're concerned about, and gotten him to open up about his likes/desires/whatever--maybe you could have a couple of fishbowls or cookie jars or something in your bedroom that you can draw erotic ideas out of every other night or whenever. You put in things you would like (backrubs, him doing a Chippendales routine for you in the bedroom, etc) and he puts in things that HE would like (oral sex while watching baseball, you doing the dishes in nothing but a robe, kinky lingerie, whatever) and you take turns drawing from the other's bowl.

This way, you only have to come up with what YOU like, and just need to be willing to TRY what the other person likes--at least once. You both, obviously, have the right to say no, but then you should use that as an opportunity to have intimate discussion rather than being embarrassed about it or angry that someone isn't doing what the other person wanted (or that the other person would even ASK!).

Good sex is about good communication. Aside from what I've stated, it's hard to give you ideas on how to turn your man on, because we don't KNOW your man. YOU do. I get ideas from all over the place for sex--movies, TV, books (read Anais Nin or A. N. Roquelaire sometime), watching the teenagers in the park across the street, whatever. You just need an open mind and the idea that sex is FUN, and about BOTH of you connecting, not about getting off on what the other person is doing for you.

Talk with your husband, see what he is interested in... perhaps find some porn movies that lets you see others do it. Maybe go and browse through those one day alone at the video store and see if there is anything that strikes your fancy. Not all things will be right for everyone but most people will find something they and their husbands can enjoy together that's not exactly vanilla sex.

First of all take your time. Its not a race. But most important, do what you are both comfortible trying.

I've always used the old axium. I'll try anything once. Twice if I like it.

Know that not everything may be as much fun as it first appears, but many might be after 2 or 3 times, but like new foods and styles of cooking, You won't know if you like something till you actually try it.

You are both married so nothing is off limits.

It is said men love a wife that's like the vigin mary in public but a whore in bed. That's a figure of speech, and it means what happens between the two of you is only the business of you two. It can really spice up your life and bring you even closer.

You are on the wrong track if "you are trying to please your husband sexually"... better that you "develop your own sexuality" so you eventually become one hot mama.

Young women who just try to please their husbands always develop resentments and make a mess of their relationship. When you become a "people pleaser" that means you expect another person to make you happy in exchange for giving up your core selfhood and being totally passive. That makes you a martyr... no one likes to be in a relationship with a martyr. :) Martyrs demand their pound of flesh for their great sacrifice!

Get how, and good luck! :D

Honest and open communication is vital in a relationship... without it, things can really go bad.
Sit down with your husband and ask him his turn on's or fantasies. Men are very visual, so dress up for him is something real sexy or at least what HE things is sexy. You may realize he's been praying you ask him about it.
A lot of women misunderstand how the male brain works when it comes to sex. This is why I can't emphasize enough, that honest, understanding, open communication by both parties be exercised. Who knows, you may realize that you have some pent up sexual idea's of your own once you start talking 'honestly' to each other about your desires and preferences. In any relationship, a little water in the wine goes a long way, and will make things work out, so allow yourselves to bend a bit to satisfy the other. Just as long as it's something you are both comfortable with. So take the first step with him and talk it out and get back here with the results. Men love to talk about sex, so I'm sure you're husband will love you more for bringing it up. Give it a try. ;)

It's a little of everything. Like Choux said part of it is developing your own sexuality...

Part of it is finding other things and trying them. Guys are visual, and really aren't that hard to get going, but something's get some guys going more than others. You yourself might have once thought missionary is everything there is to know or everything you should be doing... but you would be wrong.

Once you are comfortible with yourself the curtains will start to pull apart and you can see everything more clearly and see the world of opportunity and possibilities you have rather that that one single thing that some people who complain about not getting any, or being bored etc have done over and over again so it became a chore and boring to do. Its no wonder that women (or guys) who are that closed minded only get it once a month rather than every day. Take your time... try something new once a week. You have a lifetime together ahead of you.


Like I have said elesewhere... not everything will appeal to everyone. Find what you and your husband like together... whatever that might be.