I'll try to keep this as short as I can but 2 weeks ago today my girlfriend broke up with me. We had been dating for almost 8 months and everything seemed pretty much all right up until that week before the breakup. I was her first boyfriend, we go to the same school, and are part of the same scholarship organization in which we see each other all the time regardless of our relationship status so we agreed to take things slow to make sure we were ready to be in a relationship. Also, the members of this organization are so close that if anyone dates it's a big deal so we wanted to make sure it was for real. Throughout the school year, I'd see her all the time and talk everyday whether it was by text or AIM. Towards the end of the year, it got to be a lot less because of her schedule and what I thought to be somewhat of a lack of effort on her part. So I was mainly the one asking to do things or just to hang out. We had a few talks because she was upset and called me clingy and even told me sometimes she thought she missed being single. She also was afraid of it becoming too serious and talking about the future (I talked about being together in a year but not ever progressing beyond that, we're both still in school and relatively young). I asked her if she wanted a breakup, and she said no, so we talked things over and everything seemed to be all right for the next month. No real issues, then school ended. We live pretty close, about 20 minutes apart and I saw her twice in the next week and talked to her almost everyday, but it was all me initiating everything and making the plans. I left for vacation in the end of the week and called her the next day and texted her a little later, all no responses... later that night she called me clingy again and said I didn't need to talk to her everyday, I didn't feel the need to, I just wanted to talk to her. I went the next few days without talking, texted her, no response... later that night, I texted her asking if everything's OK... she said no but she didn't want to talk about it and that we could talk when I get back later that week. I was really annoyed and later that week got her to talk to me on the phone and we met that weekend when I got back too. All this took me by complete surprise. She said she felt as if there wasn't a spark in our relationship anymore and that she wasn't sure if she felt as strongly about the relationship as I did. It was very emotional for both of us, and I had her second-guessing her decision after a little bit because she's confused and wasn't sure what she wanted. She even told me she loves me but doesn't know if it's enough. She said she wanted to know what else is out there for her. We agreed that it was best though that we break up because if there's any doubt then it shouldn't continue for now. She said if it's meant to be, then it will happen at some point. After I left, she was very apologetic, sending me texts saying she hates all this and she's so sorry... a few times later that week she IMed me asking how I was doing and didn't want to believe me when I said I was doing better. We haven't talked in about 10 days. We agreed after the breakup it was best to give time to ourselves. The last two weeks haven't been all that great for me, I've been a lot better but I still think about her all the time and still want to get back together. I'm not crazy and feel as if I absolutely NEED her in my life but I want her back and we just seemed so compatible. We agreed that we were going to be great friends and we almost have to stay friends because of our situation at school and that maybe sometime we will get back together. I've been wanting so badly to talk to her but many people have told me that's it best to not and I haven't. Plus I want her to intitiate contact if anything. I want to bring things back to how they used to be and want to tell her that but I also wish she might realize she wants that too. I somewhat that she's testing me and wants to see me fight for her and think that I should tell her how I feel again and see if we can give it another shot. I then come across as needy and that I'm not handling this well (clingy again almost). Another thing is I leave to study abroad in 7 weeks and will be out of the country for 4 months. So I feel like I should do something soon almost... Can you guys help me out? I don't know if I should be up front about it all or continue the no contact and just wait for her to talk to me... or just move on and if anything's going to happen between us it'll happen when I get back and try not to worry about stuff until then?

First let me start by saying that I really think her saying that your "clingy" and ending it is a mask hiding a deeper issue that she has with you... but you might already know that : ).
I would say maybe you should just wait for her to make the first move but you are leaving for four months so maybe you should just send her a simple text message just basically saying that your thinking about her and you hope she's doing well... Nothing more! Make it a message where she doesn't have to respond so she doesn't think that your pushing or pressuring her to get back with you or talk to you... Just make it a message where she still knows you care... Also this will give her the opportunity to start things up again if she wants to because it might be kind of hard for her to contact you first randomly after 10 days.
... I just want to add that maybe you should wait a little longer before you text her... 10 days isn't really that long : )

Hope I Helped!
Jen

Yeah I figured that waiting is best but even though you say 10 days isn't that much and I know you're right, it's seemed like forever because we used to talk everyday all the time about everything. It just feels so weird now and that's just made me want to move quickly. Like something exciting happens to me during the day and I think I'm going to tell her when I get home and then I think oh wait I can't or I come home half expecting an IM from her. I suppose I should just wait longer and give it more time.

So I caved in and broke the no contact and IMed my ex this afternoon... we talked for a good 5-10 minutes pretty steadily but after that it was mostly one-sided, me asking questions about her and seeing how she's doing... kinda disappointing. I kind of wanted to show her that I care, but it just didn't seem like she was waiting for me to make contact or if she wanted to talk much at all. I'm going back to no contact for a while, it's best for her because she needs time to think stuff over and if talking's now going to be like this, I don't really want to. I need time to get my feelings in order and get over her. I'll wait and if she feels like she wants to talk then I'll talk. Man this all sucks.

As soon as you broke NC, that's when you went wrong. You are only delaying your recovery, she has moved on. Don't go NC for awhile, go forever. There is no need to show that you care anymore as you are not her boyfriend, just take a step back and walk away.

The thing is that's impossible, after I study abroad this fall I go back to school in the winter and I'll see her all the time whether I like it or not... at least a few times a week. I hope by that point I'll be over things but I don't know.

It's not impossible at all... I worked with my ex, so you want to talk about awkward, seeing her everyday with her new boyfriend, that took a toll. But I didn't stray from NC, I would simply keep a smile on my face and walk on by.

Well even so that can't happen and I don't want it to happen... we're essentially in the same group of friends at school and same scholarship organization so it's more than just a cordial business type atmosphere... I can't and don't want to act like that because that'll just make things awkward for not only us but for all of our friends too... it's kind of hard to explain but the group we're in is almost like a family, we live together and some of us work together... so essentially being friends almost has to happen... I just hope I'm ready for that in a few months

So NC was broken twice for me in the past few days, over AIM... I had deleted her from my buddy list for my sanity. (we had broken up 5 weeks before and I hadn't talked to her in almost 3 weeks), I responded and we only talked for about 5-10 min because I had to go but we agreed to talk later, I was gone for the next 2 days but tonight when I got home I IMed her and we talked for a good hour or so (nothing about the breakup): 1. I still miss her (that'll just take some more time) 2. I'm not really hurting at all from talking to her... we had a nice conversation and I wasn't expecting anything really but kind of hoping it wouldn't be one-sided like before, 3. I believe we can remain good friends with time... it wasn't awkward at all granted it was AIM but that still can happen, and it was nice to talk... I leave for Prague in 3.5 weeks so it was good to talk and in a way I want to meet up with her before I leave but I'm not sure yet, I might see her anyway because we're both invited to the same event in a few weeks but I'd rather want to talk to her alone... I'm sure studying abroad will help me with things and give me a new perspective on stuff and help me realize she's not the only girl out there, but I'm not sure exactly how I'll feel when I come back in the winter and I see her all the time

No updates... just wondering if anyone has any advice for me, I feel like I need it

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Originally Posted by pwtnu4

I'll try to keep this as short as I can but 2 weeks ago today my girlfriend broke up with me. We had been dating for almost 8 months and everything seemed pretty much alright up until that week before the breakup. I was her first boyfriend, we go to the same school, and are part of the same scholarship organization in which we see each other all the time regardless of our relationship status so we agreed to take things slow to make sure we were ready to be in a relationship. Also, the members of this organization are so close that if anyone dates it's a big deal so we wanted to make sure it was for real. Throughout the school year, I'd see her all the time and talk everyday whether it was by text or AIM. Towards the end of the year, it got to be a lot less because of her schedule and what I thought to be somewhat of a lack of effort on her part. So I was mainly the one asking to do things or just to hang out. We had a few talks because she was upset and called me clingy and even told me sometimes she thought she missed being single. She also was afraid of it becoming too serious and talking about the future (I talked about being together in a year but not ever progressing beyond that, we're both still in school and relatively young). I asked her if she wanted a breakup, and she said no, so we talked things over and everything seemed to be alright for the next month. No real issues, then school ended. We live pretty close, about 20 minutes apart and I saw her twice in the next week and talked to her almost everyday, but it was all me initiating everything and making the plans. I left for vacation in the end of the week and called her the next day and texted her a little later, all no responses...later that night she called me clingy again and said i didnt need to talk to her everyday, i didnt feel the need to, i just wanted to talk to her. I went the next few days without talking, texted her, no response...later that night, i texted her asking if everything's ok...she said no but she didnt wanna talk about it and that we could talk when i get back later that week. I was really annoyed and later that week got her to talk to me on the phone and we met that weekend when I got back too. All this took me by complete surprise. She said she felt as if there wasn't a spark in our relationship anymore and that she wasn't sure if she felt as strongly about the relationship as I did. It was very emotional for both of us, and I had her second-guessing her decision after a little bit because she's confused and wasn't sure what she wanted. She even told me she loves me but doesn't know if it's enough. She said she wanted to know what else is out there for her. We agreed that it was best though that we break up because if there's any doubt then it shouldn't continue for now. She said if it's meant to be, then it will happen at some point. After I left, she was very apologetic, sending me texts saying she hates all this and she's so sorry...a few times later that week she IMed me asking how I was doing and didnt wanna believe me when I said I was doing better. We haven't talked in about 10 days. We agreed after the breakup it was best to give time to ourselves. The last two weeks haven't been all that great for me, I've been a lot better but I still think about her all the time and still wanna get back together. I'm not crazy and feel as if I absolutely NEED her in my life but I want her back and we just seemed so compatible. We agreed that we were gonna be great friends and we almost have to stay friends because of our situation at school and that maybe sometime we will get back together. I've been wanting so badly to talk to her but many people have told me that's it best to not and I haven't. Plus I want her to intitiate contact if anything. I want to bring things back to how they used to be and want to tell her that but I also wish she might realize she wants that too. I somewhat that she's testing me and wants to see me fight for her and think that I should tell her how I feel again and see if we can give it another shot. I then come across as needy and that I'm not handling this well (clingy again almost). Another thing is I leave to study abroad in 7 weeks and will be out of the country for 4 months. So I feel like I should do something soon almost... Can you guys help me out? I dunno if I should be up front about it all or continue the no contact and just wait for her to talk to me...or just move on and if anything's gonna happen between us it'll happen when I get back and try not to worry about stuff until then?

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Hey! You have a very similar situation going on with me. Ill keep this short as possible- but I am a ranter. Sorry in advance. Okay so I met this guy two years ago and he was IMPOSSIBLE to deal with! But I loved him so much I held through all the hardships. He needed someone to understand him and still be there when he thought you would walk away. For two years, I let him hurt me in every possible way... it is my fault that I let him do it to me, but it was important to me to let him learn to really trust someone and know that he can be loved and love. A year into it he told me I was that one to him... one that he trusts most and appreciated everything I've been through for him. If I could explain to you the way his mind is... I would say schizophrenic. Hes indecisive, and very old fashion with his words- everything was a mind game and metaphoric... it was constantly interpreting, keeping up, and dragging out the answers in him. Id do it all again though... I honestly believe he is my twinflame. He would always tell me about our bond, we have this inevitable trust and unbreak able bond. We have that understanding without the exchange of words. Funny part is most of our relationship was online. That was about as much as I could get out of him in knowing what the future holds for us. He wasn't good with expressing himself... he just always said "hope for the future". Anyhow, I would have to say in the last 8 months things got really bad and I didn't know how to deal with US anymore. I wasn't being my mature and stable self. Well point is about a month ago he told me that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore and that I'm smothering him. I was completely shocked! Things were fine between us! We didn't have our usual "where are we going" fights like we do every week! Maybe 3 times in the past 6 months. I love him more than life itself and it just hurts so much to feel like I'm separated from the one person I shared everything with... my heart, my mind, my body... As hurt and sad as I was, and facing some of the worst times of my life as of late without him I realized he can't push away from me anymore! He needs to figure it out himself! Even though later that fight he contridicted himself and said "i admire her, shes a special girl, is it love? i dont know". Hes confused but knows id always be there. Like yourself... you were always there. We need to show them what its like to not have that support and love and attention. Like yourself... I am going abroad for 6 months in January. By then, this guy and I wouldn't have talked for 6 months. And I hope hell wonder where I've gone and try to contact me... let him see how much I'm going to live my life the way it should be. Doesn't mean you stop loving that person. I disagree with the comment beloew me though- don't text her. Don't bother talking to her. You gave her plenty of your time before and she didn't appreciate what you had to offer. Maybe she will when she realizes your away. When you go abroad- enjoy that oppritunity and remember just how many girls would love a guy like you to actually care and not leave them worrying if your cheating or not. You owe it to yourself to have this adventure carefree. The sincere way to let her know you still care for and hope all will be well for her in the future is through a hand written letter/card. Send it before you go abroad so it ends on YOUR TERMS! Another thing I told myself about this special guy and myself to help me through the times I was always unsure... I just would tell myself to cherish what amazing bond and love and relationship I did have with this guy that I don't think many others could ever find in a lifetime and to be okay with it if it happens in the future or not because now is the time to live my life the way it should be lived.. . was that all too corny? XP Good luck!

Very soon you will be around new people, and new friends, with the opportunity of a lifetime, and letting go now will allow you to enjoy that experience, and give you a reason to stop dwelling on what the future holds.

As far as your friends now, as long as you put importance on this female, that's when things will be awkward, only because its you that makes it awkward, and honestly it appears your holding out hope she changes her mind, and that is so unrealistic, and what we call false hope, so as long as you hold on, and don't want to heal and rebuild your life without her you will be stuck, and not be able to enjoy, or appreciate the good things life will bring.

Change your attitude.

Hey guys, I haven't posted in a few weeks, so here's an update... I have recovered a lot, I don't think about her nearly as much and am beginning to move on, she IMed me about 3 weeks ago and we talked for a good while and it was nice. I like talking with her and it wasn't weird at all. So over the next week I IMed her twice and both times, it was a nice long conversation albeit the fact that it over AIM. But I haven't talked to her since (it's been 2 weeks), I'm not going to be the only one initiating conversation (kinda like in the relationship when it annoyed me) and honestly I don't feel like I need to talk to her or that it hurts not doing so like it did the first few weeks after the breakup. I've seen this topic brought up before and I know a lot of people will disagree with my decision but it's her birthday today and I'm going to text her. I feel as if I've gone a long way in recovery... I won't lie but I still have that lingering thought that we might get back together at some point (I know it's not healthy and I need to lose it). I leave to go abroad in 6 days, and I'm pretty certain that being in another country for 4 months is going to get my mind off her, and that when I come back whatever happens, happens and that I have no expectations either way... Also, there's a chance I might see her this Sunday, my group is having a picnic, but I'm not sure if I'll be there. It'll be interesting, I haven't seen her since the breakup... don't think it will be awkward though or I hope not.