Hi all,

Im 22 and I have been with my boyfriend who is 24 for 5 and a half years, and for the last 3 years I have been asking him every now and again what he wants from life and where he can see us going, It hasn't worried me in the past that he doesn't know what he wants, and doesn't really have any interest in discussing it and each time I've its always ended in me saying, OK well will you think about it? I'd like to know where you see us going..

But recently I've become so frustrated that he just doesn't give it a moments thought, I mean I've got all the usual plans like marriage and kids and I've spent the last 6 years working very hard in my job, and now I am pleased to say I'm reaping the benefits of it in satifaction and financially, but he is still in the same job low paid that he hates, no aspirations for promotion or self satisfaction at all, I guess that I'm just worried that I'm wasting my time with this guy (dont get me wrong I love him to peices) and that I'm going to end up 35, still working really hard, unmarried, no kids, and he's still just lazing around shouting at his games console!

I'm sure lots of men and women out there can relate.. anyone been in a similar situation or have any advice?

Okay so you have a guy that has no aspirations for promotion or self satisfaction at all,
So you accept him as he is and live life out with him and with you following your dreams
OR you tell him that your dreams are this, that and whatever and when it gets to the point you have to choose between him and furthering your career leave him behind in the dust.
Don't even let him hold you back because of his complacency.
I hope you aren't doing the majority of paying the bills if you live together.

If you are truly unhappy then you just might be better off telling him it is time to go your separate ways and find someone more compatible.

He wants to be a better person, earn more money, but doesn't want to do anything to get there, just wants it to be handed it to him.

We pretty much split the rent, but yeah I pay the bills.

Ive just had enough, I mean I know this might seem petty in the scheme of things, but he can never afford to do anything, or even go out for meal, I don't think we've really been on a date for a year. his idea seems to be bringing in a chinese takeaway when he's on his way home from drinking.

Although I love him, I'm finding that I'm resenting him, and I'm scared that its only going to get worse as time goes on...

The only thing holding me back is fear, Im just scared because I've been with him the whole of my adult life (since I was 17/18) and we've pretty much built the life he have together, most of our friends are mutual, are families are close, so not just ending our relationship, but created waves through everyone we are close to

Either you love him as he is and you advance your dreams or you move on.
You can't change him. Many guys (and girls) are content staying in their low paying jobs.
If he is content poor you can't resent that but if you resent it holding you back then move on

The guy you described - accept that THAT'S who he is.

Here's an assignment, please DO THIS: Go back and reread your original post as if it were written by someone else. Take out the parts where you know it's him at all, just read the part where you describe who he is.

Here's your assignment - tell that strange girl describing that strange guy what she should do. Remember, it's not you and your guy, it's a stranger talking about her guy.

You are ambitious and eager and willing and growing into your womanhood.
You're guy is none of those things, including growing into manliness. He's a kid.

Would you go out with this guy if you knew everything you know now, but just met him?