Hello everyone it has been a while since I have posted anything. Let me catch everyone up. On April 25, 2008 my husband of 18 months said he thought he would be happier being single. Now he and I are 25 years old and have been together since we were 16 going on 17. So we have been together for almost 10 years. We don't have children by the way. We have had our ups and downs but never broke up the whole time we have been together. I lied about bills, tried to keep him from his family(long story), and didn't trust him 100%.(He has given me reason to not trust him) On April 19,2008 I found out he had been texting my best friend for over 2 months behind my back.(She has been going through a divorce for over 6 months. Her husband won't sign the papers) I confronted them both and they said they were just friends.(They said out of respect for me they would stop talking) One week went by and Andy said he wanted to be single. They started talking again on the 27th of April which is two days after I left. Ok, since we have been separated I found out he has been asking girls out. He keeps saying he is going to file for the divorce but it has been over 2 months since we separated. He has had the money but he is spending it on clothes, shoes, electronics, and things like that. I feel like he is trying to fill the void with materialistic things. I love him and I want our marriage to work. I have been saved an baptised since all of this has happened. I work two jobs and paying off all my debt. I have completely become a different person. He is living like a slob. Our house is a complete and total wreck. Clothes everywhere and other things too. I took everything but the couch and kitchen table because it all belonged to me. The house belonged to his father and he is living with Andy now basically. I pray everyday that Andy will realize what he is messing up and will want to work things out. It is obvious that he doesn't really want the divorce. If he truly did I feel like he would have filed by now. Andy has truly never been this type of person. He has done a complete 360. Anyone got any suggestions? Thanks a lot.

Christy

Hi Christy: sorry for this difficult time you are experiencing. Has your husband had a recent physical and emotional check-up? Is he talking to you? Will he go if you make the appointments? Of course, someone will have to go with him to explain the circumstances of his life over the past six months.

We found out in March that he has two very badly hurniated disks in his neck.

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Originally Posted by cdbrown

We found out in March that he has two very badly hurniated disks in his neck.

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Do you know approximately when he may have injured his neck? Did his behavior change after the injury?

Leave him alone to drown in his own shat! You may be saved, but he is making his own choices, and they are not very good ones. Don't let him drag you down, and put that divorce on the back burner for now. If you wanted one that bad you can pay for it. He sounds like he can use your prayers though.

He hurt his back and kneck when he was in high school.

It is obvious that he doesn't really want the divorce. If he truly did I feel like he would have filed by now. Andy has truly never been this type of person.

I'm sorry cdbrown... but this is NOT a sign that he doesn't want a divorce! He's probably just too lazy to be responsible and do the right thing. Since you're already separated, my advice is that your marriage is already over based on your actions... your mind just hasn't caught up yet. You are in love with a person that no longer exists. A marriage can only survive with TWO willing parties. This marriage only has one. Take some time and mourn your loss and then keep kicking - you'll do great with or without him.

I think he needs help with his self medicatig ASAP, until that happens... nothing good can happen. Talk to a doctor, and then talk to him about getting some help, and if he doesn't, leave him alone until he does.

Can you love him if he flirts around? Do you love him? Does he show love to you? Does he want to be single just to feel better about himself if he does go with another woman for a while, or is it really that he wants to be away from you? If he does love you he might say that because he thinks it's wrong to fool around on you. It is, sure. It's way worse, I would say, to throw away love that is good and could last just because he's now realizing he's been just with you since he would have been with anyone at all, at the age of what, 16 or 17.. I'm not saying he should cheat, or that it's good, but it may be that at least flirting around is giving him that flattery he otherwise, and you, too, would have gotten by being single through high school and college years. He might not be cheating. If he is, and you assure him that you love him... he could well shake it off and get over it and realize how good he has it with you...

Andy has always been flirty in a since. Yes I love him with all my heart. If I didn't I would not put up with the crap. He does show love me to me. I don't know what to do or what is truly going on. I am just praying for him everyday that God takes a hold of his heart and brings him closer to him like he did me. I just wish Andy could be honest about everything.

When I say leave him alone, I meant to back off him, and his problems, and focus on you, and what you do, as you still need to maintain your own peace of mind, and provide for yourself a degree of your own happiness.

Sometimes separation, and space, among couples can be enlightening to the partner, as he can see your happy, and want to share in it. If not his pills will take him down a bad path, that he will either see, and turn away from, or find himself lost.

The most important thing is you, and keep your strength, and not be pulled down, by whatever his demons are.

Your both young, and learning, so be patient and aware that there is a lot of work to do, together, but there is no hurry, so its all about strengthening the bond through communication, without putting each other down, but expressing concerns, and learning how best to work together.