Ask Me Help Desk - Why can't I be friends with my ex?

I used to date this guy 2yrs ago for only about 4mths with whom I also work with. One day he said we were 2different people,different personalities. A surprise!It was a messy breakup cause I was confused, we had no fights, nothing that would signal problems. I cared about him as more than just a mate but a friend, sum1 I loved talking2 for hours. Well for the last 1 1/2yrs we went back and forth being friends. We kept in touch by text msges we even flirted A LOT and most recently it looked like we might of got together. He said he missed the physical aspect but also the other good times that we had. We talked about sum of the memories. Shortly after that(like a week!) he told me had a new girlfriend,and we can't communicate by phone anymore. I ceased contact4 awhile. I was pissed. Its been 6mths since they started dating, she moved in with him after 1mth of dating, and we do talk at work but rarely, just a simple hello. I was on a date recently with some guy and I ran into my x with his girlfriend at the movies. I acted like I didn't see him or acknowledge his existence. 2 days later at wrk he said I saw you at movies, and I just played dumb. Why would he care if he saw me? Im kind of surpised he said anything. Im on a date, why would I say anything2 you or your girlfriend. Then 2wks later he tells me he has a myspace page. Another week later I tell him at week I requested him as a friend. I noticed he was online for 2days and never an add. He finally sends me a message.that he has nothing against me, not even a little bit. Its just that I didn't know what my girlfriend would think of you on my friend list. He also commented on my default pic, which is a pic of me and my GUY friend. "Good looking guy in the pic with you...hope all is well. Take care." Result- he didn't add me. Why tell me you have page? I figured that it had been awhile that it would be no big deal. We didn't date that long, and he didn't seem too involved in the relationship. So why can't we be friends? I've realized were better as friends,nothing more.

Why be friends write him off as a jerk. He just wants you to follow the carrot on the stick and has no interest. He feels like he can string your emotions along (basically for his ego) keep ignoring him He just wants to feel you still care. Then if you try to discuss 'us' with him in any context he will only let you down hard.

You're seriously stressing over a situation you have no control over. It sounds like you may be young(age please) It's myspace, by the way, he had to have added you as it is impossible to comment a picture without adding that person as a friend. The whole movie theater thing was just a friendly gesture, he was just telling you he saw you. Don't be so quick to read into things, I would say just stop all contact with him because it's messing with your mind and that's something you don't need.

Your story makes a fine example of why it is unlikely that people can remain friends after a break-up. You will never really get over him anytime soon if you keep contact with him. Your already asking yourself questions that could not possibly be answered about why did he do this and why did he do that. You can fool yourself all you'd like about just wnating friendship with him but if that were true you would'nt care much of why he didn't add you or monitor his actions. Perhaps you even posted a pic of you with a guy to counter his situation, to make him jealous.

Quite frankly, I think he's done nothing wrong. He cannot compromise his new situation (they live together) for the sake of speaking to an ex and he(at least to me) has acted very mature in setting the rules, I even think it takes some degree of class to make the comment about the guy in the picture.

Overall, your doing this to yourself. I don't want to sound harsh but the reality seems to be that he is over you and moving on, if you want to talk than fine but he's not going to bend over backwards for you. You on the other hand are giving more than you are getting (again, no fault of his) why does being friends with someone that has moved passed you seem so important to you? Answer that and eventually you'll see the picture clearer.

I agree with BMI, this guy seems straightforward and honest and FRIENDLY. That you two used to be bonded is the only thing making this hard on you. This is YOUR stress to let go of.

You're mulling everything about the past, present and myspace over and over as if there are some other deeper realities to be discovered other than what is being said. There isn't.

Believe eveything he said when he said it. His actions in the present seem to support his reasonings. Now you do the same. Only act on the things you know are true. Only mull your mind over facts, not interpretations.

The facts are:

You were together, and now you're not. Decrypting motives is a waste of time.
He dumped you. That means it's harder on you. It is. You have to let go. He already did.
He's moved on. You need to do the same. Until you do, you're just going to think about him and think about him....
He's friendly to you now. That's not good. You don't handle that well. You should stop responding to his niceties, you're a mess after each one.

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We didn't date that long, and he didn't seem too involved in the relationship. So why can't we be friends? I've realized were better as friends,nothing more.

He doesn't want to be your friend so forget it.