Ok a few of you will know from my previous posts that I'm currently 2 months into a break.
And as I have said elswhere, I've started going out a lot more and she thinks it's good as it means we can have lives outside of our relationship(if we get back together).

She has told me that the only things she wants from me at the moment are.
Friendship.
Trust.
Loyalty.

I agreed to this, I said if I can't do that then I don't feel about you as I thought.

But... As I've said it's now been 2 months and I'm starting to get a little bored with it all now.
If we get back together great.. if we don't then I can honestly say I'm not to botherd.

I think the thing that's annoying me is that she hasn't even started to think yet.
She phones me 3/4 times a day and we still meet up on fridays.
Then last night she tells me that she's going out with mates this weekend and she's bought a new dress, bra this and that and she's really looking forward to it blah.. blah.. (I don't know whether she's trying to make me jealous or test me or sumat... but I isn't rising to it.)

Anyway she phoned me and asked if we are still on for doing something on Friday.I said yes, But to be honest I don't want to... all I want to do is go out with my mates.

I'm just so confused now as to whether I should at least give her what she wants till she's made up her mind(I think I owe her that at least)

Or just tell her look I've given everything I can this past 2 month and you have give me nothing back, I don't think it's going to work.

I know there's going to be people saying "you should think yourself lucky she still phones you and wants to spend time with you"

It's just I have needs too wich are just not being met... esp for what I'm putting in.

In my opinion, she does want to maintain friendship, but she is taking far too much time from you. You should be out enjoying life and not thinking from one Friday to the next, just to be hurt by some things she says or does.

She actually might really think that you are ready to accept her friendship under all terms, but you are not really ready to fully adhere to her rules and still have your hopes up.

May I suggest that you contact her and tell her that you have plans with your mates this coming Friday and go out and have some fun. Don't worry about hurting her feelings because if she has real intentions of just being a friend she too will understand and accept that you cannot always be there when she snaps her fingers. She's a big girl, so she can make her own plans for Friday.

Friends do have their own lives and it's time you show her that you are an independent young man who just might have other plans and she will just have to accept it.

So, now give her a call and tell her you are going to be busy tomorrow. Also, turn on your answering machine or mailbox and call her back when you have time to talk.. don't always give her the impression that you are waiting for her calls - you have a life - so go out and meet new people and have a good time.

If you really want to get back together - don't make yourself too available and give her time to miss you and what you had - then she will make up her mind all the sooner.
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I asked her the other day if that was the case.
She replied "No i honestly havnt decided yet"
She didn't get all defensive and argumentative, she answerd it very calmley and she did sound sincere.

One day we have a conversation and I honestly think we'll be fine, then she'll say something that brings me right back down.

One of the reasons for the break was that with her busy working life and only having one day off a week at times she just wanted a girlie night out.but she felt obliged to spend it with me.

Now I'm kind of thinking that this big girlie night out is going to be the last hurdle and then she will start to think.

But if the situation is the same next week I'm just going to tell her I need a break from her to think what I want and to think how I really feel about her.

I definitely wouldn't let her play with my emotions if I were you. I would go spend some time with my friends and let her do her own thing... Don't put your life on hold either.

You obviously have other things that you could be doing... Let her know that you're not just come running every time she cries lonely... Like you mentioned, there may be a chance that she's doing this to see how you will react...

Let her know that you have a life outside of her and that you won't always have the time to drop everything just because she has nothing else better to do.

Good luck..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by nelsta78

One of the reasons for the break was that with her busy working life and only having one day off a week at times she just wanted a girlie night out.but she felt obliged to spend it with me.

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What is wrong with young people having a night out for themselves and their friends. You like going out with your buddies, so why does it bother you if she wants to go out with her friends?

When we date someone, we should not expect them to give up everything else and everyone else in our lives. Friendships are hard to come by and I certainly would not give them up and make my partner the center of my universe. What if the relationship did not work after a while, then she'd be stuck with no friends and would have to make new ones. That does not sound fair to me.

You should also be able to go out with your buddies at least one Friday a month instead of anticipating being with her and hearing the answer you want from her - don't force it or you will push her further away and her final answer could be 'no' because you put pressure on her.

You are both still young and should be enjoying life instead of clinging and expecting total submission. That's not being realistic.

Again, relax, let things happen at a normal pace. What's the rush?

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Lol it isn't that cut and dry.

I'm a single farther of 2 children, I get one night a week when they are at there granparents.So the obligation of spending that night together was there for us both.

But now she knows she can do her thing and doesn't feel guilty for thinking I'll have nothing to do.

I don't know, I think it's a general confusion all around.I guess she just really doesn't know what she wants.

She doesn't know what she wants, so you need to step back and let your friendship be what it is. A friendship that went further, didn't work that well, and has gone back to a friendship.

If you really only get one night a week to 'date' and thus pursue your possible future wifely options (if that's your goal), then treat that time with respect. Being broken up with this girl means you should already be planning your next two Fridays in advance, right?

You need to get out there with your mates and possibly some new female acquaintances. "Todays" are precious commodities, so don't waste them. If this girl wants to continue hanging with you, it will be as a buddy with your other buddies.

Now, if you opt to NOT go this route, and keep holding her up in your mind and schedule as a wifely option even with the way you know she is, then there is no confusion here coming from her, it's coming from you. Staying with her MEANS you backseat your 'relationship' to her whims and you do it agreeably.

I don't recommend that, but it is your call.

It doesn't sound like what you do have going is a true "break." If you guys really want a break, you shouldn't be meeting up once a week and talking 3-4 times a day. As a girl, she is still emotionally attached to you. If you want a break, then take a real one and see how it plays out. I think then you can figure out you're true feelings for her, and if you are kind of either way like you are now... then move on.

I think what's 'cut and dried' is that you are tired of having to start all over again looking for a proper mate to share life with you and your children. So, just because you don't want to bother with all that work, you tend to still see her Fridays and hope that she will agree to stay with you under your conditions.

I don't think that this is realistic and will only frustrate you more and prevent you from getting busy finding the right 'one' for you.

As JB said, it's your call. You need to figure out if you want an 'ideal' family that only works part time, or work on finding the one that fits with the whole package.. to include love, warmth, trust and happiness.
And if 'grandma' can only dedicate one evening, invest in a good sitter one more night so that you won't miss out sharing time with your buddies too. Where there is a will, there is a way.

Good luck.
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We single Moms have had decades of experience in how to adjust and manage our time - so you Dads should not find it too difficult. Even joining a single parent group might benefit all.

Could your hope of a relationship reconciliation, made you a girlfriend? She has clearly, and unfairly, crossed a boundary, and you have let her.

Just me, when a female is confused, and needs a break, I'm out of here. Call me if you change your mind, if you can find me. She can think better without me, and I can heal better, without her.

Right or wrong, you have to establish boundaries, even in friendships. You have not, and now she does what she wants, and you should be tired of it by now.

Stand up for your own interests.