My question has been asked but not with the same complications. My 19 year old son (20 in Nov) currently lives with us, he will not pay any rent, will not do anything to help (cut grass, pay a bill... ) He seems to not even care if we lose everything as my job was eliminated. Eviction comes to mind... But here are the complications...

1. his car is financed and I am primary on the loan (he is co-signer) this was done for insurance reasons, I tried to help him out and to be on our policy the car had to be in my name. The finance company will not refinance car in his name only now.

2. Insurance is required snce the car is under a loan.

3. I don't know that he will continue to make his own car payment or insurance payments if he is evicted, my bet is he would rather pay his cell phone than a car that impacts my credit and insurance.

4. Since I lost my job I can not afford to just take the car back and make the payments myself.

He has already blown the engine and "borrowed the money" to get this fixed from us, I made sure he knows it's a loan but he has no intention of ever paying that (even that would help in our current financial state.

Any advise is appreciated, I think his plan is wait until we lose everything then bail on his car and insurance and us as well.

Oh yeah the only reason he even has a car payment is that he completely tore up a mustang I paid cash for and gave him as a gift when he was 16. I even paid his insurance until he hit 18 and even at that point until I lost my job. He is so ungreatful it makes a person sick.

Thanks:mad:

Sell the car. You are the primary. If you feel you must provide transportation then get him a bike.keep all profits from the sale to help yourself through this time.make a plan for yourself and go for it. Tell your son to do the same.

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Originally Posted by akatiedid

sell the car. you are the primary. if you feel you must provide transportation then get him a bike.keep all profits from the sale for yourself.make a plan for yourself and go for it.tell your son to do the same.

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Sounds good with the exception that the car would more than likely sell at a loss and more would still be owed on the car, he ran the h@## out of it already. (High interest rate loan too)

I oh soooo would like to do that. And feet are made for walking.

The car is in your name YOU CAN do whatever you want with it. Start by taking away the keys.
Go with evicting him because him staying there isn't helping you any which way.

Sell the car and sue for the difference. That's what I would do.

Evict him, he's an adult sponging off his parents, it's time for tough love.

You reap what you sow, sorry, but you bought him a car at 16, he completely "tore it up" and then you put yourself as primary on a new car. You can't teach a lesson if you aren't willing to learn one yourself.

He's your son, you love him, and that's the way it should be, but he's almost 20, it's time to cut the apron strings, he has to learn to stand on his own two feet and quite stepping on yours.

Good luck.

Altenweg, you would really sue your kid? Just because your kid turns 18, doesn't mean you are not a parent anymore. Maybe I was raised diffrently, but I had a job at 15, and have ever since. Try to work something out, tell him to get a job, contribute towards the bills or get out.

Yeah you are still a parent and he needs to learn responsibility.
Some times that means tough love to get him to face the real world.
Why let him walk all over her so he can have a free ride and leave her suffer
He is enjoying his codependency because she is enabling him so YES
She might have to get drastic and sue him... not that she would even see the money
But the principal may be worth it to wake him up.

Hvacservicetech, if my kid took everything for granted, didn't care about the money he's costing me, wrecks his car and sits on his a$$ all day, you bet I'd sue him. This could be the best lesson he's ever learned. Nothing in life is free, nothing.

He's 20, you are right that parenting doesn't stop at 18, but there comes a time that you have to hope that you did your best and push that kid out of the nest, especially if he's destroying it.

Of course getting him to see reason, pay rent, contribute would be the better route, but it sounds like the OP has already tried that, and junior doesn't care. He wants a free ride in a fancy car. It's time he was forced to take the bus.

I guess you are right. Why wait until he is 20 to make him responsible?

I know parents that didn't 'make their kids responsible until they were 36
Better now than then.

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Originally Posted by hvacservicetech_07

I guess you are right. Why wait until he is 20 to make him responsible?

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That's just it, at 20 it's already to late. Teaching responsibility is a life long process, it begins when the child is young. Teaching them to respect the home they live in, respect the things they get, respect the people around them. Somehow that was missed with this young man, it's time for a crash course.

I agree 100%, that's where I'm going with this, this mother obviously lacked a little in the parenting department, and now He is 20, and she doesn't know what to do.

Well, I can somewhat relate... I'm 22...

... what would my parents do if I sat around at home...

... I feel like "suing" would be too "American" for my parents. (we're Asian)

... my parents would most likely bury me alive, then tell the neighbors I moved.

I have learned you can't always blame the parents any more.
She may have been an enabler, but society seems to be conditioning kids that everything is owed them for nothing nowadays.

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

well, I can somewhat relate...I'm 22...

...what would my parents do if I sat around at home....

...I feel like "suing" would be too "American" for my parents. (we're Asian)

...my parents would most likely bury me alive, then tell the neighbors I moved.

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That''s funny Sneezy, wouldn't you rather be sued? ;)

You were taught to support yourself sneezy, you were taught to stand on your own two feet, that's what the OP's son needs to learn, and quick.

Your parents should be very proud, they raised a great son. Oh, by the way, this proves you're following me around. :)

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

I have learned you can't always blame the parents any more.
She may have been an enabler, but society seems to be conditioning kids that everything is owed them for nothing nowadays.

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That's true, but from what I read, and the way I read it, she's afraid to put her foot down. She's the parent, she needs to nip this in the bud now. Junior needs a good swift kick in the arse, and her and hubby are the only people who can do it.

If all goes well, he'll thank her one day.

Exactly I was just saying it may not be her parent skills were lacking when he was growing up.

Crash course is the only course now

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

Exactly I was just saying it may not be her parent skills were lacking when he was growing up.

Crash course is the only course now

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I agree, she sounds like a kind caring parent, and you can tell that she loves her son very much. The fact that she asked for advice speaks volumes, and I hope she realizes that I'm just saying it like I see it, not trying to be mean. I guess I'm using tough love. ;)

Well, I just thought I'd add my 2 cents, I'm going back to Heating and air, this thread is too much like watching Dr. Phil for me. :(

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Originally Posted by hvacservicetech_07

Well, I just thought I'd add my 2 cents, I'm going back to Heating and air, this thread is too much like watching Dr. Phil for me. :(

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Your 2 cents is always appreciated, sorry if I sounded mean, that wasn't my intention. As for the Dr.Phil comment, I'm going to take that as a compliment. ;):)