I'm a 23 year old University student and in love with a 26 year old loving guy. We met in 2000 in high school (we were classmates).In 2006 he bought me a ring promising to marry me and I agreed to it, but we are not yet married due to financial constrains.Last month (June) we did a urine pregnancy test and it came out positive, he was so delighted about it.
We are not in the same province so we see each other usually once or twice a month. I thought long and hard about it after he left and I decided to have an abortion on the 25th last month. I told him that those home pregnanncy test kits are not always reliable,meaning that it was a pseudo-pregnancy. One day he told me that he suspected that I had aborted but I denied it.
I opted for an abortion because of my religion (christianity),our poor backgrounds (we can not afford to raise a child financially),and because I don't want to disappoint my parents and pastors as they are expecting me to have a white wedding.
He loves kids so much and he always wanted to have one of his own,but I promised to give him kids as soon as we are married.
He loves me as much as I love him and I just can't afford to loose him. Do you think I should tell him the truth or I should forget about it,and pretend nothing ever happened<

Please help...

Honesty is important. Explain your reasons to him. Explain that there are constraints and that you don't want kids until you're married and have finished university.
If you don't tell him now, he might find out later.

And how are you feeling about the abortion? Was it a difficult decision to make? If you're at all shaken up about it, you're bound to need him for emotional support. Let him know what's going on.

Take care,
Kal

I agree with Kal, honest is best in this scenario. I would have consulted with him about your decision first due to it is his also his cross to bear. I am NOT saying that you had to do what he said, but still communication about it would have been better. As of now, all you can is be honest and open with him and hope he understands.

I think you should tell him
Show him this site.. your question
It seems like you really love him and he does too
You seem torn up about it and you thought about what his feelings would be towards this
I think its wrong that you lied to him
And took not only your own child but his too away from the world
But everyone makes mistakes - but I understand that sometimes they are for the best
If you tell him - yes it will be rough but it is the right thing to do and its just going to get worse if he finds out later
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By the way - you shouldn't care what other people think so much... your much happier when you do what you think is right
The deed has been done.. to late for your baby but there is still time for your relsationship
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Don't tell him out of the blue though.. ease into it.. don't let him get hurt

Ok, I have already offered advice to the OP, so now to properly educate you. First off, wasn't it your Almighty that condemns judging someone? I am not a church going but don't lack faith. Every post you have ever done has to do with looking to God for answers, or forgiveness. Stop trying to press your beliefs onto others, she came here for advice not to be condemned for her actions. She feels bad enough about the situation as it is and you have to kick her when she is down rather than help your fellow man.

Also, to you're second, lack of educated, response. Having an abortion does not have any bearing on increasing your chances of getting breast, or any other type of cancer. In 1993, it was originally thought to be the case that is did increase the risk. A new study, done this past October put that claim to rest. If you are looking for proof of this claim. Here's the link. ABC News: Does Abortion Increase My Risk for Breast Cancer?

Very well said Rome... I couldn't have said it better.

babegal, I agree with Rome and Kal. Honesty is the key to a healthy relationship. Telling him may cause some problems, but he deserves to know.

Just know that we're here to give you support and not to judge you or push our personal beliefs on you. I'm sure if you wanted to be judged you would have told the church...

This were your relationship is on the line? If he really love you yah he may be reallu piss? Say a little paryer? And ask him you need him most right now?

As a man I would want to know, just because it may cause you guilt, or depression, and I would want to help you through this.

I guess you have to judge how well you adjusted to it, and can you deal with any long term effects.

I suspect your torn by your decision, is why you're here looking for answers so big hug from us all first, and tell him so he can support you. That's your fear though, will he understand, and support your decision??

Without asking you will never know, and you will carry a secret around for a long time won't you?

Just to be honest, my wife says she wouldn't tell me if she had an abortion.

My advice is see how he feels about abortion, covertly of course, before you say anything. Or maybe that something you should have known, in the first place!

I honestly think that's a huge lie and you betrayed him.. You should tell him.. It is your body and you have a right to do what you please... but lying to him about it is horrible.. Maybe you should rethink this whole engagement if you can't even come to him about that kind of thing.. it's a huge deal

You should sit him down and have a huge talk.. it was his child too, I think he should had a least known that you were going to do it.. sad

Hi babgal,

Your heart, conscious and love for your boyfriend, will make things so heavy for you to carry if you don't tell him.

We can't change yesterday, but still have a chance today, to make tomorrow's road a little easier by the choices we make today.

Let your good heart share what the truth is and lighten your burden.

Bless you now and always,

I went through a similar situation years ago. I knew she had an abortion even though she denied it for 3 years. I suspect the man you are with knows too. I believe you should confirm what he already suspects.

I think you should be honest and tell him, but expect that he might break up with you or want some major distance. That is a HUGE thing to not tell someone, or even get his opinion on it. What's done is done, but personally I could never live without telling someone. If you are that religious, are you really going to keep it a secret? You should be honest.

Am I halucinating or have there been two posts removed. I know I posted here today and the post is gone...
I disagreed with someone who really chewed this poor girl out.

Anyway dear, I just want to give you a hug and let you know that no matter what you decide, we will be here for you and try to help as much as we can. Only you know how he will react if you tell him and if you both trust each other and he respects and loves you, he will understand - after a while of being confused - which is understandable. And if you decide not to tell him - you will have to live with the fear of him finding out and hurting because you kept something like this from him. It is your life, and we do make choices which we think are justified - and in the end, the only ones we have to answer to is ourselves.

Good luck, and I sincerely hope this resolves the way you hope. Keep us posted.

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