Threads merged

We were together for over 2 ½ yrs and then we broke-up (more her than me ) last year August saying that we had differences that cannot be reconciled and therefore we should be apart. We stayed friends for a while with minimal contact and I went through h**l ( Wish I had found this site at that time). From Dec 07 onwards she becomes very friendly again, we hang out for a while we get back together in Jan. We went on a few trips together and things were looking good.
Then suddenly some guy is txting her late and night so I confront her and at that point she tells me she had dated someone while we were apart which made me furious. She says if she dated someone while we were apart then there was nothing for me to be mad about but my point was that she should have told me when we were getting back together. Things got shaky from that point onwards and she started thinking that those irreconcilable differences where still there and after many many conversations we split again about over a month ago.
She would still come over to my place and we had s** a few times and then that stopped as well. At this point I started seeing a therapist and she told me that I needed to break all contact with her and start reflecting on myself. I took her advise and stopped calling her but after 3 weeks she starts txting , I ignored the first few txt but then I replied to few of them and then stopped again.
She shows up at my apt last Sunday; calls me from outside and asks if she can come in and like a dumba** I let her in. She behaves completely opposite of her normal self and she is just crying most of the time she is there. She does not say anything like we should get back together …….. nothing. We messed around quite a bit and then I had to take off cause I was running late for my flight so I told her I'll see you later and we both left.

I am totally confused now . Does she want to get back together? Is this just a weak moment for her and she will get over it in a few days and we are at square 1? Should I just stay away from her ? Contact her? Only contact her if she contacts first? Too many things rolling in my head . Really don't know what to do……:confused:

Don't play one off the other pick one of them the one that loves you the most should be the one you should be with

Sorry for the Confusion. It is the same girl; this is the second time we have broken off. The other female I refer to is my therapist giving me advice.

Ok not really sure what advice Andy was giving.

You need to stop contact with this girl and stop seeing her.. she obviously is confused, and well not to be rude, but she seems just horny and she's using you for her sexual gratification.. You need to tell her that you're giving her what she asked for, and that's space.. you NEED to set boundries for your own well being..

Tell her it's all or nothing.. she can't have her cake and eat it too.. she obviously has some thinking to do.. and let her do it.. but you move on with your life with no expectations.. or else you won't properly heal.. don't wait around for her.. you NEED to move on.. sorry but it's true..

Cutoff all ties with her, you need to heal yourself before you can even begin to think about a relationship with her or anyone else.

Well first, sorry but she did not have to tell you about anyone she was dating or sleeping with or anything when you were broke up, In fact it was none of your business and if you pushed this, yes you deserved to get left.

But no contact works two ways ? One if you want them back, sometimes if you spend enough time apart, you both will realise that you really care and miss each other and you will end up getting back together.

But the main thing is for you to have NO contract and move on.

So honest talking about what each of you want if you are now talking again. But if you do want to make it work, get the couselor to do some couples counseling and get over past problems

And the Confusion grows :( I totally stopped all contact with her and stopped replying to her texts. She calls me last week and in my weak moment I pick up the phone and she is crying her head off, about how she misses me and wants to go back to the days we were happy together she doesn't even like going out anymore and would rather just hang-out with me ……. I was very nice to her and told her I missed her too, and miss the things she misses also, told her lets meet over the weekend and we can talk and see where it goes.

I figured if I had a real shot at getting back with her this would be it so I took her for dinner last Friday, and guess what? The same thing happened again. As feared she was back to we are really good friends kind of attitude . I asked her multiple times what the F**K do you want? Eventually got an answer "I dont know" WHAT?? So we ended the night . Now she is back txting me like the entire last week didn't happen and we are back to square 1 . I still can't fathom the idea that this is the same girl I spent over 2 yrs without even one incidince of her being unsure of the feelings for me . Emotionally this has set me back horribly... just don't understand that a girl 31 can still be so confused. Going to NC almost seems meaningless now until I am sure that I will never want to get back with her... I don't know I am almost disgusted at myself at putting myself in the same predicament again.

Any words of wisdom. Have not been in any contact again but it still kills me . Almost feels like the break-up just happened for the first time. Just doesn't get any easier no matter how many times you do this.

Certainly doesn't pal.

My ex was up and down all the time, one minute wanting me, then the next she wasn't sure and wanted to be single. In the end, you reach a point where all they are doing is causing you so much pain, as you are continually rejected just when you think things are OK.

I just couldn't take anymore. I love my ex to bits, but I can't be with a girl who is so flakey and emotionally all over the place as it just killed me inside.

You'll reach that point eventually - its when you realise that self preservation is the only way forward. Hurts like hell, but its better in the long run, as the emotionall stress I got from my ex was tearing me up. Still does now, but not as much. If they really really want to be us, then they'll show it in their actions.

I know how you feel, went through it 4 times in the end. Last one was last night. I just couldn't do anymore so I've bailed for good.

Id advise you to do the same and delete her numbers, and think carefully about if you reply to her texts.

You need to let her go, cut contact and stop allowing yourself to be used by her.

You will never heal and move on giving into those weak moments. Go NC, and keep it that way, and just block her phone calls.

THANK YOU all you for your support. I have not been on the site for a few weeks. Just wanted to update. Went through the cycle of "love you, oh sorry I'm Confused" one more time and like jpm said I have reached a point where self preservation has to take precedence or I could loose a lot of other important things like sanity, friends, potential new mates , career... and all of these have been seriously affected by this drama already. Still confused how one can just be sooooo blinded that they are willing to loose / damage everything they have worked for all their life just to be a BACKUP for someone.
I'll quit rambling and just keep reminding myself to read your advice over and over again since that is the only way. Thanks again to all u guys.

Threads merged

Long story , this is the original thread if interested.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-235223.html

Very short version : With ex 2 1/2 yrs when we broke up Last August 2007. Got back together Jan 2008 and broke up again may 08 . Have been on and off together a few times after that with her using me when she is down and me wanting to get back together every time we mess around. All this time she had the key to my place which over time I found out meant a lot to her.

Few weeks back I decided to put the final nail in the coffin so she can stop contacting me and I can give up all hope of getting back with her and move on with my life. I sent a text message to her while I was out of town asking her to drop the key to my place at the conceirge and pick up any remaining stuff from my place while she was there, told her it will be gone the coming weekend.

For almost two days she called, emailed, txted I didn't reply and then she dropped the key off. She asked me for her key as well so I sent it next day Fed-Ex to her work.

When I got home she had left a card while dropping the key which basically goes like:
I cried for 2 days but realize that this is for the best , I feel like I have lost my best friend and I hope and pray that we both can find someone that makes us happy and understands us the way we do each other. I have a lot of memories with you. I will be there for you forever if you ever need me . With much love xxx

I threw away the note but it is burned into my head and just messed me up. Right after I got the note I was going to send and email being cordial and basically saying the same things she said in her note... but I decided against it.

Been 20 days of NC now from both sides and I now I have this constant thought in my head that I should send her that email . Is this a bad idea? Gut feeling tells me to let dead dogs lie and move on but I have doubts and fear that she is hurt because of my actions and I will loose any hope with her forever. :(

Any words of wisdom...

Wisdom is your own gut feeling "let dead dogs lie and move on"

Bad idea. Understandable, but bad idea.

The only thing that will result from any contact will be a brief moment of satisfaction, followed by WORSE stress and frustration. Just stay on NC.

Quote:

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Gut feeling tells me to let dead dogs lie and move on

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That's a winner.

I hate NC
Will never be strong enough for it
Follow your heart
You'll get hurt and burnt, but this is life:)
Good luck

Thanks for all your response I am letting things just be but this morning is really tough. We are both from the Houston area and I am concerned about her due to Hurricane Ike. Just wanted to know if she is OK but I am not sure if I conctact her she will see this as an attempt by me to just test the waters and worse yet like JB said

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

The only thing that will result from any contact will be a brief moment of satisfaction, followed by WORSE stress and frustration.

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Continue to leave it be.

It seems like you know what you're doing - and you're very right so far..
It's going to suck badly - and you'll have moments of weakness.. but that's what these forums are for.. You should be proud of the decision you made as it must've been really hard - but it was the RIGHT thing. Keep reminding yourself that.
I went 6 months of NC and I broke it recently.. and now I'm in a loop of blocking her/unblocking her from my life all over.. and it's turning into a mess.. trust me - I regret opening pandoras box, I need to get myself sorted all over again, because I had that little temptation and it got the best of me.
Hang in there bud