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-   -   What do you think of these lyrics? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=234657)

  • Jul 7, 2008, 06:14 AM
    blackfluffy91
    What do you think of these lyrics?
    You stole her,
    You took her away from me
    Before you came, she loved me a lot,
    When you were there, she loved me. NOT

    How you got into her life I'll never understand
    I'm sure your tactics must have been underhand
    You stole my mother from me

    I had to pretend to be sick to get her attention
    I'd gladly have gone through all the detention
    In the world to get her to notice me.

    She never saw the love in my eyes,
    That so closely resembled her own,
    She never saw when I screamed and I cried
    All because I felt so alone!

    Oh she noticed I was becoming a woman,
    But didn't see the child still there,
    She said I was pretty but never said she loved me
    She was far to busy to braid *my* hair.

    And the time she said she'd never cared
    I cried all night into my pillow
    It felt like my heart had been ripped , teared
    Annd I couldn't tell her how I felt

    But I'll break away
    Some future day,
    I'll go and prove I'm good
    Maybe then I'll be understood
    I'm going to make her so proud of me.

    At least, that's what I wanted to be
    But somehow along the way,
    I stopped being that person me,
    I turned straight into her.

    My child and I are on our own
    Due to you and my mother,
    We're left alone!

    Yeah, I know the rhythm's is a little off, but what do you think?
  • Jul 7, 2008, 09:55 AM
    tgreer00
    I think they are good lyrics about a very sad story of what likely many people can relate to. If they are autobiographical, I'm sorry for your pain and hope that your insight can help you break the cycle.
  • Jul 8, 2008, 10:08 PM
    pol5019
    yeah I agree. The lyrics are heartfelt and just down right beautiful=]
  • Jul 9, 2008, 08:42 PM
    Toxic Confusion
    Those are great lyrics, but it could be improved if the pitch changed at times. For instance, if the "NOT" was screamed in the fourth line, and in lines 11-14, it started as a whisper or a quiet tone, and gradually got louder, it would emphasize the meaning of the song. But overall, great jpb.

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