Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend wants space

Hi everyone, I am a 25 year old male and could really use some help as I am not quite sure what to do. I have been dating my girlfriend for 3 years and now she says she wants to take a break from us because she needs space. She says that she doesn't know who she is anymore without me and that she needs to find herself (we spent a lot of time together nearly everyday). She says that she doesn't feel that have really grown together in our relationship over the past 3 years, but I'm not quite sure what she means by this. She says that I can still call her and that we can hang out, just not everyday like we used to. She says that it will make our relationship stronger but she could not guarantee me that we would be back together. She is taking time to evaluate whether this relationship can end in mairrage. I already know that I want to spend the rest of my life with this girl. She says she still loves me to death but she has to be selfish and do this.

It's been almost a week since I last talked to her. I realize that I need to give her space but it's completely destroying me to have no communications with her at all. I think about her every second and it's hard to enjoy life right now because I miss her so much. Even when I go out w/ friends I find it hard to enjoy myself. My question is, when is it okay to call her? And what do you think of my situation? Right now, the only thing that's keeping me going is believing that we will be back together but I want to hear what you guys think. Thank you so much. Any advice will be appreciated.

Hey,

I'm sorry for you heartbreak.. it's not fun, I know.. If you look on this site you will see that there are a lot of guys that have been through this or are currently in this situation... you want our advice right? The honest truth? OK here goes.. I'm being honest here..

This can either be two things.. one.. she really means that she wants space and that she really means what she's saying.. granted there are things wrong in the relationship because she wouldn't had felt this way in the first place.. but there could be hope.. but she really just needs her space, in which you would HAVE to give it to her...

Ok ready for the second scenerio? OK she's is telling you that stuff to let you down easily but doesn't really mean it... she really doesn't have any intension on getting back with you and is being weak.. she is softening the blow now, but in the long run it's only going to hurt you more.. she thinks there's no hope for the relationship and is moving on.. yes, she will be hurting, but she will move on..

Ok.. so what to do now, these scenerios are quite different.. the best thing to do here is assume the second scenrio.. it hurts really really bad, I know.. it sucks and you never wanted this, but you can't go on living by waiting for this girl, if you have no idea what she really wants.. it's not fair for you..

Stop the contact, move on with your life.. and if she contacts you and you have to talk to her.. tell her you are giving her what she asked for.. space.. and that will force her to make a decision.. either be with you or move on.. don't make it easy on her and don't let her see you when ever she pleases, this needs to hurt for her too. Always remember that... I know because I was on the other side.. I know how it feels to be the one that needs space..

But you have to truly move on with the expectation that you aren't going to be together again, because you're not going to heal properly and you're just going to prolong the pain. Good luck

Plonak is right on this, Best thing to do is plan for the worse.
Start trying to get over her now.

People on a break also need to realise that whilst on a break the 2 of you have no obligation to each other, she's not obliged to phone, text you.And you the same.
So you shouldn't get annoyed when she doesn't phone you, Just be happy when she does.

Also the girl is only asking for 2 simple things... space and trust.
If you can't give her those 2 things when she needs them the most then you don't belong together.

Just be there for her when she needs you.
Stick by her and let her see how understanding you are and supportive.
Don't go making a fuss of her and bombard her with gifts an txt's as it will only make her feel guilty and start to resent you for adding to her plate.

Just give her what she is asking for.If it's meant to be it will be.If not you come out a better person.

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it's hard to enjoy life right now because I miss her so much. Even when I go out w/ friends I find it hard to enjoy myself.

She asked for space give it to her, yes it will suck, and be hard to do given the time you spent together, but do it for yourself, and put no pressure on her whatsoever.

That means leaving her alone, and regrouping your own life without her in it. This is for YOUR own healing, not to get her back or anything of the sort except healing from a failed relationship. The longer you hold on to false hope the longer it takes to heal

Quote:

My question is, when is it okay to call her?

Let her call you, and if she doesn't, her loss!

Thank you for your advice guys! I truly appreciate it.

I accidentally dialed her number yesterday while I was trying to call someone else. I caught myself after the first ring and hung up. She actually called me back after work and we briefly talked... mostly caught up since we both just started new jobs. At the end, I told her I missed her a lot but I am trying to respect her decision and give her space. She appreciated it and our conversation ended there.

Time for some No Contact, give her the space she wants and you use the time to heal yourself and try to regain the person you were before you had her. This will take time but it will all work out in the end, believe me.