I've been dating this guy (30 yrs.old) for about 3-4 months. Yes, we've had unprotected sex. [Big mistake]. We've had the "what if" talk about me getting pregnant, and he says "it takes two". Everything was cool, then I found out I was! He told me to go to the doctor, do things the right way. 2-3 weeks pass, still haven't heard from him. Then, I call to let him know the news & he says he has nothing to say to me until he gets paperwork stating "your pregnant". So, I got him a copy of the lab report and doctors dictation. STILL haven't heard anything from him. I've kept in contact with his sister, and she says that he's scared & needs a few days to let it sink in. In my eyes, he's had WEEKS to let it sink in! My parents say "just leave him alone", but its stressing me out! I know he's a good/caring guy, but is he really this scared? I don't know what to do... any advice?

3-4 months is NOT that long to be dating him,and yes,you've admitted that it was a
big mistake to have unprotected sex.

Yes,indeed "it takes two" to get pregnant, and even after getting him a copy of the lab report and doctors dictation,you're right,you should've heard from him by now,because,
To say the least,he has responsibilities to fulfill [re: looking after you & the baby]

If you can't get in contact with this guy [& have a serious talk with him,if you do] then another option for you is to see a lawyer.

Please! This guy is 30 years old and if he didn't want to have a sex, then why have unprotected sex. He knew that this could happen. Does he have any kids and what's your age?

What about your feelings? Its oblivious that he don't care. You did all you coul because when you told him, he wanted proof in writing, and you provide that, now what? If he was that concerned why he did not go with you to the doctor?

Your parents are right, leave him alone. He might at least decide to be in the baby life later and if not you have rights. Be prepare for him to deny being the father and request a dna test. You never truly know who you is involve with until situations like these come up. Stay strong, if anything, for your baby that's in your belly. I never forgot what my mom always said for situations like this "momas baby, poppas maybe." This tells you want type of man is really is.

I'm 19 about to be 20. I've kept some contact with him through his sister, who is actually the level headed one in his family. She let me know that he's had problems with babies in the past, & no, he doesn't have kids. My parents said that could be a reason he's scared.

I told him that we needa sit down & have a serious talk, so I'm going to call when he gets off. I need to get all this stuff off my chest, but him being tha he is, is making it worse for me. He didn't go to the doctor appointment because he said he can't take off work.

Its definitely hard to be strong right now, because I've never been through this before. It hurts. All I want is an answer! Even if he says he won't be there.. I could handle that better than silence, you know? Ughhh-this sucks.

I'm 19 about to be 20. I've kept some contact with him through his sister, who is actually the level headed one in his family. She let me know that he's had problems with babies in the past, & no, he doesn't have kids. My parents said that could be a reason he's scared.

I told him that we needa sit down & have a serious talk, so I'm going to call when he gets off. I need to get all this stuff off my chest, but him being tha pain he is, is making it worse for me. He didn't go to the doctor appointment because he said he can't take off work.

Its definitely hard to be strong right now, because I've never been through this before. It hurts. All I want is an answer! Even if he says he won't be there.. I could handle that better than silence, you know? Ughhh-this sucks.

If anything you should be more scare because your 10 years younger than him, and your carrying baby. I assume this will your first child just like its his first, but unlike him can't run away you have to face it. Being scared is not an excuse, I sure my daughter father was scared when I get pregnant, and we were both 17, but he stayed by my side.

You can try to reach out to him again but he needs to reach back. Also, exactly what happen with him and the past with babies, it might shed the light on things?

Countinue to try to initiate contact with him and if you can't get anywhere with him than I would suggest for you to start preparing a case with child support enforcement. He needs to pay too. He might be just scared so he may come around. I know it's hard to be strong but you need to try for your baby's sake. See if his sister can get through to him.

To be honest, the age difference doesn't bother me! I figured my parents would FLIP when I told them, but their more upset at the fact he's GROWN&NOT being MATURE! I'm scared out of my mind, but I would never run from my responsibilities... not like I really have a choice! Ha!

His sister told me that he was going to tell me about his past, but then decided not to. She said he talks to her about me being pregnant every night. Why can't he just talk to little ol me over here?? Its like: "HELLO-i am having your kid! I am human. I got feelings! We needa talk!" Whenever I do see him, my heart rate starts going up (which probably isn't good for the baby) & I start shaking..

& thanks to everyone for their insite, its EXTREMELY appreciated :)

To be honest, the age difference doesn't bother me! I figured my parents would FLIP when I told them, but their more upset at the fact he's GROWN&NOT being MATURE! I'm scared out of my mind, but I would never run from my responsibilities... not like I really have a choice! Ha!

His sister told me that he was going to tell me about his past, but then decided not to. She said he talks to her about me being pregnant every night. Why can't he just talk to little ol me over here?? Its like: "HELLO-i am having your kid! I am human. I got feelings! We needa talk!" Whenever I do see him, my heart rate starts going up (which probably isn't good for the baby) & I start shaking..

& thanks to everyone for their insite, its EXTREMELY appreciated :)

To be honest, the age difference doesn't bother me! I figured my parents would FLIP when I told them, but their more upset at the fact he's GROWN&NOT being MATURE! I'm scared out of my mind, but I would never run from my responsibilities... not like I really have a choice! Ha!

His sister told me that he was going to tell me about his past, but then decided not to. She said he talks to her about me being pregnant every night. Why can't he just talk to little ol me over here?? Its like: "HELLO-i am having your kid! I am human. I got feelings! We needa talk!" Whenever I do see him, my heart rate starts going up (which probably isn't good for the baby) & I start shaking..

& thanks to everyone for their insite, its EXTREMELY appreciated :)

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Originally Posted by babymamaluv19

I've kept some contact with him through his sister, who is actually the level headed one in his family. She let me know that he's had problems with babies in the past. My parents said that could be a reason he's scared.

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It's good that you've kept some contact with him through his sister. Let's be thankful,
that,she's the level headed one in his family. :)

You're parents are RIGHT As he's had problems with babies in the past,this could be a reason he's scared.

Could you,please,tell us more about his problems with babies,as I'm sure that,he is
behaving towards you,like this,because he is linking his past with the present. :(

The only problem he's told me about was: his girlfriend before last had gotten pregnant, but they decided to have an abortion because she was drinking & doing drugs.

I've been trying to get ahold of his sister today, but she isn't responding. I don't want to keep bothering her-but I got to get to him! He needs time for it to sink it, but seriously-this long?

Quote:

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I got to get to him! He needs time for it to sink it, but seriously-this long?

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You must leave him alone, and focus on you, as the more you push, the faster he will run.

The sister might be nice but don't involve her too much because it will only push her away to. When you talk to her don't always make it about the brother. She might be understanding but its really between you and the brother. She might could help in come around but its really when he's ready, which is sad to say, but it happens this way sometime.

This story just makes it seem even more weird the situation I find myself in.

Got girl pregnant in an OK long-ish term relationship. Dumped before I'm told she is pregnant. Then told she is pregnant but that she will never want to be with me, No reason given, to this day.

I vow to stand by baby anyway. I'm threatened to be alienated from it and refused contact.

This has happened.

Now struggling on and had to get a layer to help me out.

Really does show what a remarkble situation I find myself in eh!


Hope you and the fella sort it all out.

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Originally Posted by babymamaluv19

I've been dating this guy (30 yrs.old) for about 3-4 months. Yes, we've had unprotected sex. [Big mistake]. We've had the "what if" talk about me getting pregnant, and he says "it takes two". Everything was cool, then I found out I was! He told me to go to the doctor, do things the right way. 2-3 weeks pass, still haven't heard from him. Then, I call to let him know the news & he says he has nothing to say to me until he gets paperwork stating "your pregnant". So, I got him a copy of the lab report and doctors dictation. STILL haven't heard anything from him. I've kept in contact with his sister, and she says that he's scared & needs a few days to let it sink in. In my eyes, he's had WEEKS to let it sink in! My parents say "just leave him alone", but its stressing me out! I know he's a good/caring guy, but is he really this scared? I don't know what to do...any advice?

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Babymama - I sympathize for both you and the guy since I know how it feels from the guy's perspective .My own recent breakup is due to an unexpected pregnancy scare as I've posted here awhile ago, though I was fortunate that it turned out to be just a scare. I am also in my 30's and it was quite stressful to go through. It can be that scary. I was scared. However I feel that he is being selfish because when I got the 'news', I did my best to make sure I was there for her and would support any decision she made, despite my fear. Fortunately I was stable enough economically to support her and a child if that was the decision she wanted to make. He should own up to the responsibility and understand that you need his support. And I admire your courage and desire to not "give up" on him. My ex bailed on me at the stress and decided she wanted nothing to do with me and said she would have been angry at me for the rest of her life if she indeed was pregnant. However as I mentioned, he is doing you a great wrong by leaving you alone to deal with this. If he continues running away from you, then maybe you are better off without someone who would abandon you in your time of greatest need.

I hope he comes to his senses and comes back to you...

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Originally Posted by babymamaluv19

The only problem he's told me about was: his girlfriend before last had gotten pregnant,

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Looks like this guy doesn't learn...

The more you push, the farther he will go. Take time to read up on things YOU need to know about pregnancy and more importantly turn to your family. Nothing is going to force this guy into being there, and there really is nothing you can do until the baby is born and get a paternity test to prove it.

...
I wouldn't say I've given up on him, but as of yesterday I've backed off. Me&his sister had a talk & I was able to get everything off my chest. I'm glad it happened cause I feel a million times better! She told me she'd be there whenever I needed her, so I'll keep her updated with things.

Him being around is going to cause me TONS of un-needed stress, but it'd be nice to know he has my back. I'm starting to focus on myself & my baby. I've done all that he's wanted me to, and he still hasn't came through-so what's tha use you know? I'm not going to waste my time being all sad, when I got better things to focus on.

It kind of makes me wonder: does he have any other kids? Maybe he treated his other babymamas like this & thas why I don't know about them?

If you ask me, its his loss!

IM BACK!

Today I had lunch with his sister, and we had a nice talk. She let me know that when he gets scared, he runs. (mature huh? )

Well, not more than 2 hours later-he called. Homeboy was blowin up my phone.
We talked, and he says that he wants to be there. That if I need anything, he's got my back. As much as I want to believe him, I don't. Considering what he's done for these past two months, you know? Can you blame me? Iuno, hopefully he keeps his word this time-but I'm not going to get my hopes up.