Ask Me Help Desk - Once believed in God

Hi everyone,

For those of you who once did believe in Our Heveanly Father, God, but no longer do, would it be okay if I asked you to share, why? What was the turning point?

I ask this, as I am most curious and have often wondered why or what happened. Was it gradual?

Please know, I do not judge, and quite honestly, as naïve as this may sound, I never realized there were people who did not believe in God, I just thought everyone did, and we all just practiced different faiths.

I ask this to understand. I believe faith is an incredible gift and can never be taken away. It can be rejected, or hidden very deeply within you, but it is and always will be a gift and blessing given to you.

Do I hope one day you reaccept the gift... yes I do with all my heart.

I hope all of you don't mind me asking - but I truly am interested in how you got to where you are today, that you no longer believe in God.

Thank you for your time and sharing.

When I was young I believed in god because I thought I was supposed to. As I got older and thought about it more, it never quite made sense to me. I remember being about six, and my grandmother would tell me to pray (she's quite religious) and I didn't know how or understand why I should. It just never felt "right". I got even older and realized I didn't have to believe in god, that not everyone did. Finally, it made sense.

So for me it wasn't a traumatic experience, a hatred, a bad influence, etc. It just dawned upon me one day that it's possible god doesn't exist, and I thought, "Oh, yeah, that makes sense." I don't know if I'd say I stopped believing, because I don't think I ever really did in the first place.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Allheart

What was the turning point?

As a small child I believed in God. Why not? My parents told me he existed. Why would I doubt if anything they told me was correct? But while growing from a child that accepts everything his parents are telling him as true to a young adult I developed the capacity to deduce that certain things you were told by your parents are not (or can not be) true. First victims were the tooth fairy and Santa Claus. Soon also God did not make much sense anymore. That feeling increased with age. It became so strong that on my 12' birthday I had a good talk with my parents, and told them that religion to me was an unproved assumption instead of the reality they thought it to be. So I asked them to be released from religious duties.
Together we decided that I would go to church every Sunday for 6 months , and would during that period also follow religious training, and at the end of that period I was allowed to decide my position myself, without interference or pressure by anyone.
I did these 6 months, and at the end I decided that religion had no value to me. Ever since I have been without any belief in God or any other supra-natural entity/entities.
The teachers at religious training must have been glad with that, as I had the habit already than to question every item that was on the curriculum.

I do visit churches when the situation asks for that. I was married in church (because my wife preferred it that way), I was present when my children were jointly baptized at the age of 11, 12, and 13 (as for them it was a celebration), and of course I also am present when family or friends are buried from the church (just to show my respect for the deceased). I even go to a church when there is a concert that I like. However : I am there as a clear Secular Humanist without any belief in God.

;)

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I'm from a catholic family, and was,(like the previous posters) simply told about God when I was small so didn't question it.
My parents, though both believers, never really took it seriosuly, so I only went to church when I was visiting my extended family or on special occasions. At first it just seemed logical that the bible didn't need to be taken word for word, because it was written by men and men can make mistakes. Also that the message and general ideasof the bible mattered more than the specifics. But then I just thought about it more and more, and compared it with the beliefs of other people. Oer time, it just occurred to me that maybe God didn't exist.
I decided that Santa wasn't real when I was about 6, I had already begun to question God by then.
And as I've grown older, I've just seen more and more reasons to not believe in God. I don't think that it's impossible that He might exist... I've just come to the conclusion thaat it's very very unlikely.
I also just never felt the need for faith. There is so much to be in awe of in the universe, existence itself is incredible, but I see no reason for God to be a necessary part of it.

I know many people for whom faith is an enormous comfort, and I'm happy for them, but I've never felt like I'm missing out for lack of it.

I'm not sure that I can honestly say I've lsotmy faith. It's difficult to say that I ahd it in the first place. I started to question it when I was very young. But whatever I had isn't there anymore, and I don't miss it.

Kal

I thank the 3 of you from the bottom of my heart, for sharing something so very personal.

Please know, I do cherish your responses and the insight.

It was so very kind of you to share.

You're welcome, Allheat; and thanks for asking! Many people assume if you are an atheist it's because you "hate god" or had some sort of bad experience or something. While I'm sure this is true for some, I don't think it is representative of the majority. Maybe this thread will enlighten some of those who think that way...

Jill,

Thanks for understanding. I was hoping not to be too instrusive. As I read so many post, it did leave me wondering and I will admit, I would say to myself, "Something had to happen".

But in reading all of your post, it seems that is not the case.

Thank you again.

For me, I feel I have a definite faith and I believe in God! This said I don't go to church unless it is for an 'occasion' as Credendovidis said! I left the church around the age of 16, my mother raised me in the Salvation Army.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Allheart

.... I was hoping not to be too instrusive .... for sharing something so very personal ..... I hope all of you don't mind me asking ....

I can't speak for anyone else, but I see no reason for all that reservation and apologizing.
Just as you can be open to your Christian belief, others are just as well open to their lack of religious belief. I certainly do not see that as a shortcoming or something that should be reserved for a tête à tête on a cold winters night in front of a burning fireplace.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Allheart

I believe faith is an incredible gift

Indeed you may believe. No problem. What you seem to forget is that your belief and faith in the Christian God is just as valid as belief and faith in the Pink Unicorn or in the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Or in the world view that there are no deities, or that deities are totally irrelevant. All these views and beliefs, and - where applicable - the faith therein is equally valid.

I can also assure you that faith in any specific view can be taken away. Permanently. Or it can be replaced by another format of faith. Whatever suits that person. As a young child I had faith in God. Later that faith reduced to nil, and I am sure that will never change again. Nature provided me with sufficient self-confidence. I do not need the imaginary hand of a father figure to guide me through life.

:)

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Very interesting thread Allheart.

Allheart-
Just saw this thread, and I have only 5 minutes or so to add my two cents... but I figured I'd chime in.

I was raised Catholic and my family was very religious. I began questioning the religion I was raised in when I was about 12. Nothing 'happened', except that I realized that not EVERYONE shared my religious beliefs, and with all the variation, I could potentially be dead wrong... especially since I knew nothing about any other religion except the one I was raised in. I started reading different things, but had a hard time wrapping my mind around a lot of it... I was so young.

I eventually came to the conclusion that there was no god, that everything was just an accident. This was when I was about 13. I still went to church, never said anything to my parents- but everything just felt empty to me, and I just was going through the motions.

I started searching again at 14 or so, and believed again after going on a retreat with the church my parents took me to. I was a pretty strong believer for about 5 or 6 years, believing that I had 'left' and 'came back' to religion, and that in having done so, I 'really believed it for myself, not because it was what I was raised in.' (Also, during the time that I believed, I was in and out of being depressed- and I guess I used religion sort of like a crutch. I'd have a rough year, and then the summer retreat would come around and 'everything would change'... until 3 or 4 months down the road, and then I held on again till the next one. I was on an emotional and spiritual roller coaster, and I think I stayed on it longer than necessary because I really liked the feeling I had of being 'saved' from myself by a god who loved me unconditionally- I think, though, that a lot of it was in my head... and that I looked for that huge experience of an unconditionally loving god because I so often was subject to the very conditional love of everyone else in my life, including my parents.)

Once again, as I got older, I realized how little effort I had put into understanding other religions, and also realized that it was likely that I 'returned' to Catholicism, and that it felt 'right' to me, because it was what was most familiar. I struggled with a lot over those years... as you know from other threads, I was struggling a lot with my sexuality during that time... I cried and prayed and felt guilty and begged god to change me... couldn't understand why loving someone was wrong... couldn't understand why this thing that I felt in the core of who I was, this feeling that seemed to be part of who I was created as, was wrong... why god would make me in a way that I would be someone he despises...

Over time, I again readjusted my religious beliefs... realized that no one religion has a handle on everything, and that if something just logically doesn't make sense to me, I don't need to force myself into conformity with a religion that I was raised in. That just because a group of people believe that something is wrong in god's eyes doesn't necessarily make it wrong, because somewhere there's another group that believe the same thing is right in god's eyes. I began to readjust the way I viewed things, and the way I viewed god.

Right now, I'm still in a stage of questioning and searching. I'm not sure if there is anything bigger than me. I tend to think so, but again, I feel I can't be sure of that because that's what I was raised to believe... and that could influence what I think now. I know for sure that I'm not Catholic- and Christianity, while in some ways appealing to me, doesn't seem to be a fit either. For a while, I considered myself agnostic- and I suppose I still do now.

I've been reading a lot about liberal quakerism, and that seems pretty interesting- also universal unitarianism... I guess I just don't know for sure if there is a god or not, but if there is, I doubt that any one religion has got it ALL right. I think that they all have something to offer and contribute to the search for whatever is out there beyond what we can see.

I have a bumper sticker that says 'God is too big to fit into one religion'

And I really believe that, if there is a god, that would be exactly on point.

Hope that answers your question at least somewhat! Have a good night~!

I was raised a Christian Scientist and attended nearly every Christian church I could find. I was curious and open. Through all those experiences, I came to the conclusion that Christians are unkind. There is an "us and them" mentality that pervades every aspect of their lives. Granted, there are a few kind ones, you for example.

Life can be full of human unkindness. I choose not to associate myself with a religion that teaches it's believers to feel that they are more, or better, anything. We simply are. God accepts us as She made us, perfect. He/She made two sexes and every variation of those sexes, we can be no less. We are perfect with all of our gifts and flaws and mistakes.

Yeah, I still believe in God. But if someone does not, or needs proof, fine by me. An unkind atheist is someone I won't hang out with though.

Simon and Marg -

Thank you. I am so touched more than I can say, by your openness and honesty. The deep soul searching for truth, has honestly a sincere beauty to me.

Thank you so much for sharing.

Marg, I am Catholic, and forgive me all for saying this, but I think you are right, I don't think any religion has it 100% correct. Anytime man is involved... uh oh, our hands can unintentionally get things wrong. That's why I respect and embrace all faiths and would never say they were wrong to believe what they do, as if God is a component of their faith, how can it be wrong. Continue your beautiful search and it is my belief that you truly are unconditionally loved. You truly do touch me Marg.

Simon - I do so agree. To feel we are better then, or above anyone, to me goes against all God's love is about, and I too, just want to run from that. Your post truly did help me in reference to human unkindness. I know it exsist, it saddens me at times, and then I feel guilty for thinking it. Ahhhh good ole Catholic guilt. :).

Bless the two of you for sharing, your posts as well as all the others, truly has touched me and mad me grateful to all for sharing.

Since all of you were so kind and open, I thought it only right to share with you why I do believe in God. I couldn't list all the reasons, but will share just a couple of snapshots.

My childhood was difficult, as many of ours may have been. I don't go into detail, as I find that within the difficulties are many immense blessings, and I never wish for pity. Nothing to be pitied about.

With that said, God truly did carry me through my entire childhood and I knew within all by being that He was right there watching over me. He sheltered me from storms and protected me, and allowed me to smile in my heart and within my soul. He blessed me with 4 incredible sisters who we share a love and bond, that no words can ever express.
He also blessed me with a husband, that never is there a day that I have a doubt, it was God's intentions to bring us together.

I did go to Catholic school and my favorite subjects were Religion and English. I wasn't an academic achiever by no means, but I worked hard to get the grades I knew would keep me out of trouble with Mom.

It did hurt my heart and soul that I saw some of the nuns favor greatly the students who did academically excel. I remained quiet and just watched and smiled. My parents were divorced, strike 2 for me. Not an honor student and from a divorced home. Back then, divorce was not common and was very frowned upon. Strike 3, I had to get a reduction in tuition because Mom couldn't afford the whole cost….and strike 4, I was on Student Government, without being an honor student, and yes, I was judged my the sisters (nuns). Not all, but some, actually most.

During Student Government Office elections for my Senior year, a handful of students, who wanted their National Honor Society friend, to get President, did something very awful. They went to one of the sisters (nuns) and told them an awful untruth about me. As God is my witness, it was and is untrue. Anyway, the Guidance sister, called me down to her office, and laid into me, about this untruth. And told me my whole junior class told her it was true. I was horrified, speechless, my mind completely went blank. I can't even remember anything after I kept saying, “Sister that is so untrue, it's not true.”. After I felt I wasn't believed by her, I went to the Principles office, who was a priest, and knew my Mom oh to well, as she called him constantly when she drank, to complain about me and my sisters.

I said Father, and I began my story, he turned to me, and said “I heard all about it” and then he chuckled. Chuckled!! I was horrified. All I kept thinking is, I will be dead tonight. My mother is going to paralyze me, and he is chuckling?? He said, he knew the results of the top 8, and I had nothing to worry about. That it was like an election in the real world, and not to worry. The other side is just going after the top vote getter. I said, “Father….my mother?? ”. He looked at me and said, “She will believe you”.

Okay then Father, if you think my Mom will take my word over a sisters….then I will have faith too. I went home, Mom was on the couch reading the paper after a hard days work…I moved towards the step, and sat a couple of steps up from the bottom, in case I had to take off running. I said, “Mom….. something happened in school today…Sister ***** accused me of……smoking pot….( to this day I hate pot because of this incident, never tried it, and never will)….and Mom it's not true…Mom put her paper down, looked at me, and said, “ I believe you”….and started reading the paper again. Ooooooh the glee I had. I have to say, it was one of the most happiest days of my life. The next day, at school, my head was high, I smiled at the girl, who started it all…and never looked away. Oh, and the girl, who started it all? The Advanced placement student, National honor Society, the one adored by the nuns, was suspended about two weeks later, for disrupting a classroom. How I tried so hard not to be overjoyed by that, but I did contain it.

And I was elected President of my school. I never retailed against those who tried to hurt me, but the damage they could have cost me, still horrifies me, as Mom was very strict. Being President, however, was a very hollow victory, and painfully achieved, as I then learned, that life can be unkind, but God will always keep us safe. Not because I got President, in a way that whole incident saddens me. To boot, after my year, my school made it mandatory that all those who hold office, must have honors. Of course, I don't agree with that.

So, yes, I was judged, even by those of my own faith. But of course I instantly forgave them all, as they are only human. And it was not all the sisters, and I have had many more beautiful, wonderful learning life experiences from sisters, much more positive then negative.

This may seem like a trivial reason why my faith is so strong, and it's not actually a reason, but just one event, I share with you, to let you know the strength that God does employ in my life.

How hard it is to turn the other cheek, and sometimes the cost are painful, but in doing so, honestly the rewards are great.

God has been so good and is so good, and I just wanted to share this precious gift with all of you.

Our road will at times never be easy, choices hard to make, confusion and the like, but God has promised to never leave our side, we just have to leave room for Him.

Thank you for letting me share with all of you, something that was a painful event in my life, as I could not believe people could be so unkind, and the hurt that I still carry does remain, as they have no idea how their untruths could have truly caused me great harm, by their was God's loving arms to protect me.

May peace and joy be with all of you always.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Allheart

May peace and joy be with all of you always.

Thank you Allheart !

You seem to be a very nice and tolerant theist, one without all that hatred and intolerance so many "christians" unfortunately display here.

I wish that you also will always be surrounded by peace and joy !

:)

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I have to tell you that it is very difficult to answer these questions honestly without being incredibly offensive to people who do believe. Below is my honest answer. This is exactly how I feel. I guarantee it will sound disrespectful and heretical. I give you fair warning. You don't have to read it.

I have a hard time really convincing myself I ever did believe in God. I have memories of praying and that's all I'm really going on. I feel the same way about Santa Claus. I remember writing lists for him so I must have believed he existed at some point. I remember putting a tooth under my pillow but I have no real memory of actually thinking there was a fairy about to visit me. From where I am know, I can't understand how I every felt convinced of the veracity of such ridiculous stories. I don't know if I was just playing along or if I really bought it.

I honestly have no memory of coming to the conclusion that I did not believe there existed Santa Claus, the tooth fairy or God.

I do have a vivid childhood memory of realizing what death was. I cried all day. I couldn't have been too convinced of the idea of heaven for that to have hit me as hard as it did. So, maybe I never did really believe it.

I lost my faith in God and religion around the age of 19. Actually, I had probably lost my faith in religion (I was raised Catholic), before that when I realized there were all these other religions and I had no good reason to think my religion just happened to be the right one.

The REAL turning point came when a friend of the family was visiting. He was my parent's age, but I really liked and respected him. He made an off hand comment about God that shocked me. It was obvious he didn't believe in God. I was shocked, because I never questioned the existence of God before. It never even occurred to me that God wasn't real.

Later, I forced myself to think about it. This was difficult to do, because it felt like I was blaspheming. But I asked myself exactly why I believed in God. What REAL evidence did I have there was even a god? Slowly but surely, I realized I had no good answer. In all the times I had been praying to God, did He ever talk back to me? -- NO. Had I ever seen a God?-- No. I believed simply because I was told it was true ever since I was a little kid, not unlike why I believed in Santa Clause and the tooth fairy. The difference was, no one ever debunked the God story for me when I got older.

I can't even begin to explain the utter shock that washed over me. In an instant, my entire world view changed! The whole universe was all of a sudden different! I was at once scared, and depressed. But then a wonderful sense of calm came over me. For the first time everything started making sense! So that's why 12 year old kids sometimes died horrible deaths from cancer! That's why war, disease, and famine run rampant in the world! That's why terrible things happen to good people! Because THERE IS NO GOD watching over us! It was all one big fairy tale dummy! (I'm talking to myself here). All these years I had been talking to an imaginary friend before I went to bed!

I think I literally broke down and cried as I thought about what this meant. My grandma wasn't really in heaven. And I wasn't really going to live forever in some fantasy place after I died either. I tried to adjust to this new world without a god. But like I said, eventually a sense of calm enlightenment washed over me. I realized it is much better to view reality as it really is, than to live in some fantasy world. I've never looked back.

Of course, over time my skepticism has been re-enforced more and more as I have taken the time to delve into the history of gods and religions. My friend's story is even more intense. Maybe I'll post that later.

Here's my friend's story:

4 of us attended a biology lecture together in college. Throughout the lecture, the professor made a couple of snide comments about intelligent design and Creationism. Half way through the lecture, I looked over to my friend and saw that her head was down. She was shaking and I realized she was crying! I asked her what was wrong and she just shook her head. I let it go, but it was obvious she was very distressed. I asked her again, and this time she looked up and said, " I can't believe I was this stupid!" and ran out of the auditorium!

I had no idea what she was talking about and just sat there stunned for a while. I decided to follow her and when I caught up she was sitting on a bench in the lobby crying hysterically now. I sat next to her. She turned to me and barely audible through her tears I heard her say, "It was all a lie!". I immediately knew what had happened. Something the professor said in his lecture clicked and for the first time she realized there wasn't a God. It was very intense. Like myself when I was 19, it never even dawned on her that there couldn't be a god. It was very traumatic and I felt so bad for her. It goes to show what happens when you're brainwashed from childhood to believe something.

In her case, she was pissed! She was mad at everyone who ever lied to her (even though they didn't know they were lying). Her parents, her church, etc. It took her a while to get over it, but now she is one of the most well adjusted people I know.

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Quote:

QUOTE=lobrobster]Here's my friend's story:

4 of us attended a biology lecture together in college. Throughout the lecture, the professor made a couple of snide comments about intelligent design and Creationism. Half way through the lecture, I looked over to my friend and saw that her head was down. She was shaking and I realized she was crying! I asked her what was wrong and she just shook her head. I let it go, but it was obvious she was very distressed. I asked her again, and this time she looked up and said, " I can't believe I was this stupid!" and ran out of the auditorium!

This is exactly what I am talking about lobroster! Science is no longer about discovery of reality, it has descended into a bitter quabbled between creationists and evolutionists instead of looking for truth many scientists now just have an agenda. Thousands of scientists choose to ignore the evidence they encounter in the own field which proves that chance and mutations can never explain the marvelous design and biological complexity that life displays.
Professor LT More with University of Cincinati spoke of his "faith" in evolution when he acknowledged the conflict between personal belief and scientific evidence and I quote "our faith in the doctrine of evolution depends upon our reluctance to accept the anagonistic doctrine of special creation."
This is what so called science has come to...

[QUOTE]I had no idea what she was talking about and just sat there stunned for a while. I decided to follow her and when I caught up she was sitting on a bench in the lobby crying hysterically now. I sat next to her. She turned to me and barely audible through her tears I heard her say, "It was all a lie!". I immediately knew what had happened. Something the professor said in his lecture clicked and for the first time she realized there wasn't a God. It was very intense. Like myself when I was 19, it never even dawned on her that there couldn't be a god. %

Quote:

Originally Posted by sassyT

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this is exactly what i am talking about lobroster!

Well, I have to give you that. But the reason is because Creationists are trying to introduce non-evidence teaching in the schools. I agree with you. ID should not even be brought up by teachers. Evolution should have NOTHING to say about whether there is a god or not. However, it does have something to say about whether Creationism is correct. I agree, everyone feels threatened by the other and it's a problem.