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-   -   Dating takes a strange turn (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=234071)

  • Jul 5, 2008, 10:38 AM
    cries
    Dating takes a strange turn
    Well, I met this guy through this dating site and we dated quite a number of times over the two months of knowing him. We are both currently studying at different colleges. He seemed like a decent guy, although a bit shy but actively pursued me each meeting and it drew my interest to him. We never made our relationship official but we were doing gf/bf things like holding hands and kissing. However, on our last meet up, he told me that we should "break up" when college starts as he doesn't think we would work out due to not having enough time to see each other (he seems the type to be committed to study and work). I of course was completely shocked and maybe a bit sad and disappointed by this because one day he was actively pursuing me and the next day it's goodbye. There was even a point where I was going to let my parents know I was dating him (because he thought I should) but I didn't because I didn't feel it was the right time... as I barely knew him at that point.

    Obviously, I was left with two choices: one to keep seeing him till college starts then stop and the other to stop seeing each other completely straight away. It was a hard choice as I did like seeing him but I ended up choosing the second option as I didn't feel it was right getting myself even more emotionally attached to someone and then get even more disappointed in the long run. Do you think I made the right choice? He seemed a bit disappointed with my choice but he accepted it.

    How should I deal with him? Should I be his friend or should I just let him be? He doesn't seem like the guy to just break a girl's heart. I'm so confused to his behaviour of pursuing and then all of a sudden break up over a petty reason which I think could have been worked out. However, I didn't try to beg or plead (as I'm not that desperate) but I did ask him if it is the final decision and he said that it was. Any advice is appreciated.
  • Jul 5, 2008, 11:08 AM
    N0help4u
    You made the right choice and I would tell him I do not feel friends is the answer because you do not wish to get further attached but if and when he can figure away to adjust to both school and you then give you a call.
    He is either using school as an excuse for the real reason he doesn't want to see you or else the reality of what he is getting into with school consuming all his time has sunk in.
  • Jul 5, 2008, 12:02 PM
    talaniman
    You made a great choice, and leaving him alone would help you get over any emotional bond you do have. He was honest about himself, and that's good, but not very fair to you, since you wanted more than he was willing to give.
  • Jul 5, 2008, 04:32 PM
    happy_jester
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by cries
    I didn't feel it was right getting myself even more emotionally attached to someone and then get even more disappointed in the long run.


    Yes,indeed,dating this male took a strange turn,in that one minute he was interested
    & then the other he wants to "break up"

    As you know,this happening (breaking up) is not easy BUT in the long term I believe
    you did the right thing. :)

    As you say,it was better NOT to get yourself even more emotionally attached to someone and then get even more disappointed in the long run. :(
  • Jul 5, 2008, 09:11 PM
    cries
    Thanks everyone, I did appreciate his honesty and I'm glad that you all think I chose the better choice. I did want more but what can you do when the other makes the final call? And yes, I know I should just step away and if things were meant to be, he'll be back. If not, then so be it.
  • Jul 5, 2008, 09:18 PM
    talaniman
    You have a very healthy attitude, and it should serve you well! Best of luck to you.
  • Jul 5, 2008, 09:27 PM
    cries
    Thank you talaniman, N0help4u and happy_jester for your support :)

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