Ask Me Help Desk - Is this considered "contact"? What a joke!

The last time BF took our son for a visitation was May 13, 2006. On July 1, 2006, my son saw his BF for about 5 min with his grandma (they ran into BF at his work) Fast Forward: BF has had NO contact since then. He has not called, sent a card, nothing. On June 20, 2008 my son, husband, and I went out to eat after my son's baseball game. My husband was waiting up at the counter for the food, I was getting the drinks, and my son went to find a spot to sit. I looked over and saw BF talking to my son! I told my son to come over by me and he did. Come to find out, BF now works there. BF, maybe, talked to our son for one min. Is this really counted as contact? In about a year, we are going to try to have my husband adopt my son. This is why I need to know.

Yes, I was extremely ticked that he went up to our son without me present! BF didn't even try to talk to me. My son, honestly, does not even remember his father anymore. He knows what he looks like (by pictures at grandmas) but that is all. My son seeing his BF, didn't even phase him. We were getting up to leave from eating and my son says to my husband, "Come on dad, let's go." My husband is dad to my son now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shell_Lee

The last time BF took our son for a visitation was May 13, 2006. On July 1, 2006, my son saw his BF for about 5 min with his grandma (they ran into BF at his work) Fast Forward: BF has had NO contact since then. He has not called, sent a card, nothing. On June 20, 2008 my son, husband, and I went out to eat after my son's baseball game. My husband was waiting up at the counter for the food, I was getting the drinks, and my son went to find a spot to sit. I looked over and saw BF talking to my son! I told my son to come over by me and he did. Come to find out, BF now works there. BF, maybe, talked to our son for one min. Is this really counted as contact? In about a year, we are going to try to have my husband adopt my son. This is why I need to know.

Yes, I was extremely ticked that he went up to our son without me present! BF didn't even try to talk to me. My son, honestly, does not even remember his father anymore. He knows what he looks like (by pictures at grandmas) but that is all. My son seeing his BF, didn't even phase him. We were getting up to leave from eating and my son says to my husband, "Come on dad, let's go." My husband is dad to my son now.

Well, unfortunately the blood father is still the blood father with all the rights that come with that and your husband is a legal stranger to your son.

What does your Attorney say about this?

Did that brief conversation lead your ex to initiate contact or was it a one time run into each other thing?

The circumstances under which parental rights can be terminated in Wisconsin (and I'm sure you already know this) are:

Abandonment or extreme parental neglect; abuse/neglect/mental ill deficiency; felon conviction/incarceration; failure of reasonable efforts; sexual abuse; abuse/neglect or loss or rights of another child; failure to maintain contact; failure to provide support; child judged in need of services; child's best interest; child in care 15 of 22 months; felony assault of child/sibling; murder/manslaughter of sibling/child; homicide of child's other parent; aggravated circumstances; denials of physical placement; failure to assume parental responsibilities; incestuous parenthood; conception as a result of sexual incestuous relationship; voluntary relinquishment

He was probably just trying to appease his own conscience and curiosity and nothing more.

First - as of right now, I do not have an attorney. I will be looking for one in about 6 months (anyone in WI know of any good ones? - lol). I do have sole legal and physical custody of my son and have since my son was born. BF has not tried to contact us in any way since this "run in". I don't know if my son and BF ran into each other or if BF saw my son and went to talk to him. I was getting the drinks and when I turned around, BF was talking to my son. BF does have visitation rights (reasonable time upon reasonable notice) but has not tried to use this in a long time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shell_Lee

The last time BF took our son for a visitation was May 13, 2006. On July 1, 2006, my son saw his BF for about 5 min with his grandma (they ran into BF at his work) Fast Forward: BF has had NO contact since then... BF, maybe, talked to our son for one min. Is this really counted as contact? In about a year, we are going to try to have my husband adopt my son. This is why I need to know.

This is no contact at all, just coincidence.

If he dosen't make an effort to see him or anything the adoption may be a lot easier than you think. Because you are already married you get a lawyer and have him/her start the papers the BF can just sign it and it is just a matter of paperwork. Its only if he fights it that you end up in a court battle.

Not sure what you want, the bio father will have rights even if he has not used them for years. So the bio father can easily go back to court and get new custody agreements or an inforcement of the one in place.

And honestly there is nothing illegal for the boys bio father going up and talking to him without your permission in a public place, you may not like it, it may not be what you want to happen, but the bio father still has legal rights unless you have went to court and got him restricted to supervised visits only.

And what was he suppose to do ignore him after he saw him, had he done that you would have been complaining about that too.

I see nothing wrong with what happen and feel you are over reacting greatly.

Fr_Chuck: I am in NO WAY over reacting in this situation. It's been about 2 years since BF has seen his son. He's had plenty of chances and has never even tried (even though my son is at his grandma's (BF mom) almost every weekend) Yes, I understand that BF has rights. I have sole legal/physical custody and BF has "reasonable time upon reasonable notice" visitations. Can I stop his visits - no. Would I try - no. I just don't think it's right for him to keep walking in and out of my son's life.

I don't know what I would have done if BF ignored our son completely. I don't think I would have even noticed that he was there in the first place. Honestly, I think I would have taken the ignoring better though. At least I'm used to that.

Frankly, I have to agree with Chuck here that you are overreacting a bit. I see nothing wrong with the bio father going to talk to HIS son if he encounters him in a public place. As long as there is no restraining order against him, it's a perfectly natural thing to do.

On the other hand, you do seem to have a good case for terminating his rights when your husband is ready to file for adoption. I doubt if this incident will affect that. However, if the bio father decides to fight the adoption, I think he might succeed conditionally. Basically, I can see a judge say to him, that he can block the adoption but only as long he exercises his rights AND responsibilities. The judge would then setup monitoring by children's services to ensure that he does. As soon as he lapses, he will lose his rights.